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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Our "affair"ruined our friendship ...

216 replies

Youonlylive · 15/08/2017 21:47

I know I'm probably going to be flammed but here goes...(name changed for obvious reasons)
I had a very good friend for over 14 years,we spoke daily and went on holidays together,text all the time,like sisters.
I had always been friendly with her brother and we started texting a lot (as friends) he had a girlfriend and a child.
Anyway this went on for a while,talking about normal things really our day etc,we spoke in secret as we knew my friend (his sister) would go mental.
We told each other we loved each other and we crossed a line we shouldn't have.
I felt awful and guilty and he did too and for the sake of his child kept away from each other.
He drunkenly told his sister he loved me and what had happened ...
It kicked off between me and her but we worked through it and agreed to put it all to bed and move on.
Me and him blocked each other's numbers etc and didn't speak.
Then 5 months later my friend told me he couldn't move on whilst I was in her life still and that was it..a 14 year friendship gone.
It's been 14 months since we've spoke (me and her) I miss her terribly.
We've seen each other twice and both times we've walked past each other.
Once we smiled.
She was like my sister ..
I know I did wrong but so did he...
Why did she totally remove me from her life?
Me and him had blocked each other,it was over,only the 3 of us knew what had gone on.

OP posts:

minionsrule · 16/08/2017 18:27

Op can i summarize the main parts of your friendship, leaving out the affair bit.....
You are both around 30 years old
You were friends since teenagers
You spoke daily for hours
You haven't spoken for 14 months now
During your friendship she stole from you repeatedly
You are in a new relationship now

Do you work and do you have other friends? If it has been over a year since you spoke then i think you should be looking to really move on and accept the friendship cannot be fixed. You have a new partner and tbh if the money bit is true then she wasn't really a friend, people don't do that to each other.
Please don't acknowledge her b'day.
I was going to say that talking for hours every day (how did you find the time?) sounds quite clingy so maybe you relied on her too much hence why you still mourn her, but maybe people do this
Be kind to yourself

Original poster

Youonlylive · 16/08/2017 19:20

I do work yeah and I do have other friends.
That was one of the reasons me and my friend used to fight because she hated me having other friends that wernt her.
We used to call each other at 6pm every night for a chat.

OP posts:

MadMags · 16/08/2017 19:35

I'm starting to think OP is on a wind-up.

GlitterGlassEye · 16/08/2017 19:53

SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE YOUR PAL ANYMORE. Ffs.

Notreallyarsed · 16/08/2017 20:02

I give up, but one final parting shot which has pissed me off since the start of the thread. OP it's would HAVE, should HAVE not of. Ugh.

Original poster

Youonlylive · 16/08/2017 20:05

I didn't realise it was a English lesson,my apologies or is it I apologise?

OP posts:

BuzzKillington · 16/08/2017 20:10

Can't believe this thread is still droning on. Get over it, OP - you have been defended!

(And I wondered how long it would be before someone picked up on the 'have, not of' )

Smellyoulateralligater · 16/08/2017 20:12

Youonlylive. You're obsessing and are wasting energy on a situation that's out of your control.

You've got no choice but accept her decision. Dwelling on it is a waste of your time.

BuzzKillington · 16/08/2017 20:15

*defriended

Papafran · 16/08/2017 20:31

What the hell do you want from this thread? She isn't going to be your friend. She sounds like a controlling loser and a waste of oxygen. How anyone could want to be friends with someone who defrauded them and then stole money from them baffles me. You have serious issues if you are desperate to rekindle this toxic relationship.

Do yourself a favour and move on.

RidingWindhorses · 16/08/2017 20:36

She'll probably come back to you eventually.

I think you need to put it out of your mind for the moment and focus on your own life.

It was big of you to forgive her the credit card thing, I don't know if I could. That is actually a crime.

steff13 · 16/08/2017 20:57

Ok, I'm with Papafran. She sounds like a terrible friend to you. I think you need to examine why you are so desperate for a friendship with her.

Taylor22 · 16/08/2017 21:02

I'm sorry but she clearly isn't that clingy or desperate because in 14 months you've not heard a blip from here yet here you are making a thread about how unfair it is that she doesn't want to be in any sort of contact with you.

Start a fresh. Draw a line in the sand and plan to move on.

missmollyhadadolly · 16/08/2017 22:13

If he hadn't of shooted his mouth off and blamed his sister for the mess then she probably wouldn't of taken the choice.

OP, did you not say earlier that he was pining for you and that he couldn't move on if you are in his sister's life? So what's this about blaming his sister for the mess?

I really hope you can let this whole family go, for your own peace of mind.

Beadieeye · 17/08/2017 01:39

Family will always come first. She probably values being an auntie to her nephew. Her loyalty is with her (as good as) SIL.
You need to work on your self-esteem, you can't respect yourself much when you're willing to sleep with someone who already has a family, and are desperately yearning for a friendship with someone who robbed you blind.

Roomster101 · 17/08/2017 14:46

Having read about how she stole from you, I don't think that your friendship ever meant that much to her. I feel sorry for you but it's time to move on.

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