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Original poster

Our "affair"ruined our friendship ...

216 replies

Youonlylive · 15/08/2017 21:47

I know I'm probably going to be flammed but here goes...(name changed for obvious reasons)
I had a very good friend for over 14 years,we spoke daily and went on holidays together,text all the time,like sisters.
I had always been friendly with her brother and we started texting a lot (as friends) he had a girlfriend and a child.
Anyway this went on for a while,talking about normal things really our day etc,we spoke in secret as we knew my friend (his sister) would go mental.
We told each other we loved each other and we crossed a line we shouldn't have.
I felt awful and guilty and he did too and for the sake of his child kept away from each other.
He drunkenly told his sister he loved me and what had happened ...
It kicked off between me and her but we worked through it and agreed to put it all to bed and move on.
Me and him blocked each other's numbers etc and didn't speak.
Then 5 months later my friend told me he couldn't move on whilst I was in her life still and that was it..a 14 year friendship gone.
It's been 14 months since we've spoke (me and her) I miss her terribly.
We've seen each other twice and both times we've walked past each other.
Once we smiled.
She was like my sister ..
I know I did wrong but so did he...
Why did she totally remove me from her life?
Me and him had blocked each other,it was over,only the 3 of us knew what had gone on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Youonlylive · 16/08/2017 11:52

My point is she's done far far worse to me and stupidly I forgave her and then when I make a stupid decision I'm made to feel like the scarlet woman

OP posts:
MadMags · 16/08/2017 11:53

Jesus Christ!

It's not about you doing something to her. He can't move on, he's her family, she had to make a choice, family won.

End of story.

Are you usually this self-centered?

Notreallyarsed · 16/08/2017 11:54

Which is her choice, that's the bit you're having trouble with. You made the choice to forgive her, she hasn't made the choice to forgive you. You can't change that.

and if you don't want to be made to feel like a scarlet woman, might I suggest not shagging someone else's man

goldensyrupisshit · 16/08/2017 12:02

A friendship of mine had been friends 10yrs+ ended and I have no idea why. Hence the they come and go comment. You breached a so called sisterhood rule by going with her brother own it and stop playing the victim card of she did worse and I forgave her Hmm

Taylor22 · 16/08/2017 12:02

But you screwed someone very dear to her behind her back who was in a relationship. So if you don't want to be called a duck don't waddle around quacking.

I doubt what she did was even that bad. You're just trying to get sympathy. She is right. She can manage her own relationships. You need to move on.

Taylor22 · 16/08/2017 12:02

But you screwed someone very dear to her behind her back who was in a relationship. So if you don't want to be called a duck don't waddle around quacking.

I doubt what she did was even that bad. You're just trying to get sympathy. She is right. She can manage her own relationships. You need to move on.

Original poster
Youonlylive · 16/08/2017 12:03

If you knew the full story you would know I wasn't self centred in the slightest

OP posts:
Original poster
Youonlylive · 16/08/2017 12:03

Well it was bad actually!

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 12:03

Well forgiving her was your choice.

This is hers

goldensyrupisshit · 16/08/2017 12:04

Either give the full story or accept that the little information you've given is all we have to go on.

Taylor22 · 16/08/2017 12:04

But you are being self centred here.
Nothing else matters.
You're expecting her to stay friends based on the past. The past doesn't matter.

You crossed a line that she can't look passed.

Your screw up wiped away any good deeds you had done and destroyed any credit you could make in the future.

Taylor22 · 16/08/2017 12:06

OK. Let's say she murdered someone and you forgave her.
Extreme I know but as you refuse to tell I'm going about as extreme as I can to cover everything.

I'd say what she did was awful, disgusting she should be ashamed.

But that has nothing to do with this. It doesn't matter. Two completely different situations.

BastardGoDarkly · 16/08/2017 12:08

Ok, so she was a shit friend first? More times? Then you were, massively.

Doesn't seem like this friendship is much of a loss, sisters don't treat each other like shit.

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 12:09

Look if you were saying

'My friend did xyz and i forgave her. I did abc and she wont'

You may have got some sympathy.

You put her relationship with her nephew at risk. She probably does forgive you. But still made this choice for her and her family.

Original poster
Youonlylive · 16/08/2017 12:16

She opened a credit card in my name,ran up £2800 worth of debt which I only found out about when I went for a job with Lloyds and failed the credit check ..I had a ccj,on my credit report her address was linked to mine.
Then she stole money from my purse on 4 occasions and that was after I lent her £1300 to pay off her debts due to cannabis addiction.
So yes totally different but if I can get over that surely she could.

OP posts:
missmollyhadadolly · 16/08/2017 12:20

She has in the past did dodgy things to me and I forgave her,this was never about her.

My point is she's done far far worse to me and stupidly I forgave her and then when I make a stupid decision I'm made to feel like the scarlet woman

OP, she has done you a favour. I think you need to look at why your self-esteem is so low that you still want to be friends with someone who has done far, far worse and dodgy things to you.

It makes no sense! When a friend has treated me badly, they are out of the door first time! The friend who told me 'You look ugly today' - out the door. The friend who invited me on holiday to her parent's villa and then tried to get me to clean it - out the door. The rich friend who owed me hundred of pounds and didn't pay it back - out the door.

Because I'm worth more than that.

Taylor22 · 16/08/2017 12:22

OK so she did a shit thing. You were nice to forgive her.

But she still doesn't have to forgive you.
You're comparing apples and concrete.

Original poster
Youonlylive · 16/08/2017 12:23

I don't want sympathy I just want you to see I'm not a nasty person,I tried to help her.
I made a stupid choice I know,but I loved her regardless of the money things she did to me.
All the fun times outweighed it.

OP posts:
goldensyrupisshit · 16/08/2017 12:23

Quite clearly your views of friendships are warped then to "forgive those things" but bitch about them now doesn't said as if you did forgive them. Your both better off without each other.

goldensyrupisshit · 16/08/2017 12:24

Said= sound

Original poster
Youonlylive · 16/08/2017 12:24

I'm not bitching.
I'm just trying to show not everything is black and white

OP posts:
MadMags · 16/08/2017 12:25

She. Chose. Her. Brother.

Short of someone sending a plane to sky write it for you, I'm not sure how else this thread can help you.

IT'S NOT ABOUT HER FORGIVING YOU, IT'S ABOUT HER STICKING WITH HER FAMILY!!!!!

MadMags · 16/08/2017 12:25

It is black and white. Because she made her choice. End of.

Papafran · 16/08/2017 12:26

She opened a credit card in my name,ran up £2800 worth of debt which I only found out about when I went for a job with Lloyds and failed the credit check ..I had a ccj,on my credit report her address was linked to mine
Then she stole money from my purse on 4 occasions and that was after I lent her £1300 to pay off her debts due to cannabis addiction

Wtf? In that case, you have had a lucky escape from this waste of space. I say move on and never look back. She never had any respect for you in the first place.

RhubardGin · 16/08/2017 12:27

You seem to think that you two "being like sisters" trumps her actually having a proper sibling.

Of course she would choose her brother.

Move on. You're coming across as a bit stalkerish Confused