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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the manager that rejected me at interview

233 replies

Ridiculousproblem1 · 09/08/2017 22:34

I cannot believe I'm being so silly.

I went for my first professional interview and one of the interviewers was all over the internal candidate and it was clear he was getting a position (there were several).

The same woman was fine in the beginning with me but as soon as I got nervous she stopped all eye contact, ignored me and ruled me out within seconds. She laughed at my answers and asked questions like 'I suppose you've never done xxx).

I was the strongest candidate but I got nervous and was ruled out and not helped at all.
I wanted that job more than anyone.

I was devastated when I didn't get it and so hurt they didn't offer me even an agency position or temporary. I wasn't even given a chance.

I then spent a year trying to find work. It was the worst year of my life and one that will stay with me forever.

I re applied again when the position came up but the woman rejected my application later telling others it was because I did badly at interview. The position came up again and this time I was interviewed by people who were professional and approachable. I nailed it and got the position.

The other woman is still unapproachable but doesn't seem that bad.

I have no idea why I feel like this as I've never held a grudge but I hate her. I hate that she didn't give me a chance and ruled me out.

I've been rejected before, it wasn't that. It was the fact she was rude, standoffish and made fun of me in the interview. When I see her I have awful flashbacks of the interview and I can feel my heart beat faster.

I now have the job, so justice has been served but I can't even enjoy the job as I'm so angry. The way I am you would think she'd murdered my Mum!

It's almost like a fixation now and I know it's pathetic.

I have a 35k a year job, a beautiful son, wonderful friends etc but I'm not happy.
I want her to apologise but obviously she won't.

I don't bad mouth her as I'm professional like hay but I secretly hope she is made redundant!

AIBU to hate her? Or is this normal?

Just to add I've never hated anyone before. I've been rejected before and never felt like this. I've forgiven people for much worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ridiculousproblem1 · 09/08/2017 22:38

The two people chosen by her never stayed. Both were gone within 4 months.

I have excelled in the job and was always the right candidate for the job.

She did not interview me but obviously now knows I got the job.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 09/08/2017 22:38

Yes it is pathetic. You have this entirely out of proportion and your sense of entitlement is terrifying. Why says you wanted that job more than anybody else?

You sound very silly, work on feeling differently about this!

Badbadbird · 09/08/2017 22:39

Sounds like you dodged a bullet, she sounds like a nightmare.

Namechangetempissue · 09/08/2017 22:41

I'm with NorthernLurker. YABU.

Ilovelearning · 09/08/2017 22:41

Because so much happened after your original interview - awful year, two more attempts to get the job, etc it is understandable that you have fixated on her and can't get her out of your mind. I don't think its the rejection, but the humiliation that is hard to forgive. Obviously, you need to get past this somehow and in an ideal world it would be through having that difficult conversation with her. But as that is unlikely to happen you need to find another way. I'm sorry I can's suggest anything - others probably can. But well done you for persevering and getting the job, most people would have given up after the first attempt.

ChasedByBees · 09/08/2017 22:41

I do think your attitude to this sounds very strange I have to say. You need to get over this.

Original poster
Ridiculousproblem1 · 09/08/2017 22:41

Well she's now my manager so I've not dodged a bullet 😂

She not directly my manager as she has chanced roles. She's vile. Very unprofessional. I just wish I didn't feel so angry about it.

I thought once I'd got the job I'd be fine but I'm not.

OP posts:
khajiit13 · 09/08/2017 22:41

You sound ridiculous OP. Move on

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2017 22:42

You've got the job.

Don't let bitterness eat away at you , let it go.

Original poster
Ridiculousproblem1 · 09/08/2017 22:43

Yes it could well be the humiliation. It's the way she made me feel so humiliated and the way she so casually threw away my chances that meant everything to me.

It's not so much the rejection, it's the humiliation. That's true. I'm so embarrassed that I didn't do better and wish she'd at least been half professional in he interview.

But I have the job now!

OP posts:
DaviesMum · 09/08/2017 22:43

I have been in a similar situation. People will offer platitudes like "time is a healer" or "all's well that ends well" - they're lies. The burn never leaves but it will make you stronger, and there is nothing wrong with ambition. Get professional revenge, play your cards right and bide your time. Weaken her position and ultimately remove her from post. There, I said it.

vichill · 09/08/2017 22:44

Narc face offs never end well.

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2017 22:44

Wow, ok this is so extreme and not normal or healthy. How do you know you were the best candidate and wanted it the most? That's fairly arrogant don't you think?

Have you ever interviewed people? I suspect not, because it's really not easy and all you can do is go on what you see in the interview.

I think you need to think about why you're reacting like this, it seems like you hate her because you think she didn't give you what you felt you were entitled to. Can you see what's wrong with that sense of entitlement?

sonjadog · 09/08/2017 22:45

I think you do need to get some perspective on this. You didn´t interview well and didn´t get the job. Even though you were well qualified, it didn´t come over. It happens and it is annoying, but that´s just the way it goes sometimes. The woman remembered your bad interview and so didn´t want to interview you second time around, if I´ve understood you correctly? Again, that isn´t that strange. I guess it was only a few months since the first and she didn´t see the point in wasting time on someone she didn´t think was suitable. Annoying from your perspective, but actually common sense for the employers.

So really, what this woman has done is not recognize the qualities that you know you have but didn´t manage to get across in an interview. That isn´t a big deal. Just let it go. I can guarantee you that she is not thinking about you or your interviews at all. So the only person who is being affected by you hating her is you yourself.

ChippyMinton · 09/08/2017 22:45

Does she remember you from the original interview?
I think you need to get over it and move on by doing a great job and proving you are the best candidate.

Paddybare · 09/08/2017 22:46

You seriously need to get over this. It sounds like you have blown it completely out of proportion.

You say you've proven yourself to be a capable employee, she no doubt realises that she made a mistake back then by not employing you. Unlikely however that she will admit it to you but why should she?

Draw a line under it, don't give it a moment more of your time. Move on.

Migraleve · 09/08/2017 22:46

i have a 35k a year job, a beautiful son, wonderful friends etc but I'm not happy.

You need to work out why. This woman my be who you are blaming, but she isn't the reason.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 09/08/2017 22:47

OP - you need to chill out and just get on with your job.

Original poster
Ridiculousproblem1 · 09/08/2017 22:47

I have been rejected before and didn't mind.

It was her attitude and the way I felt humiliated. Bullied actually. It's not that I was rejected but that I was ruled out and made fun of.

I was the strongest candidate as time has shown. I'm the one that could make the position work. She obviously isn't a good interviewer as she didn't get the best out of each candidate.

I was nervous and must have given a bad first impression, but would have excelled with just a friendly smile! She didn't even look at me once.

There's no doubt her behaviour was awful, but I need to try and forget....but I can't.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/08/2017 22:47

. Get professional revenge, play your cards right and bide your time. Weaken her position and ultimately remove her from post. There, I said it

WTAF, you really shouldn't have bothered.

sonjadog · 09/08/2017 22:49

I think your last post gives insight into why you are angry. It´s all about her not recognizing your chances and setting out to humiliate you. You need to realize that the interview panel exists to find the best person for their company. They do not exist to make your personal dreams come true. You are not their main focus.

Cheby · 09/08/2017 22:49

YABU. You ballsed up the interview and you didn't get the job. You then went away, got better, improved at interview and you got the job. Doesn't mean they were wrong to reject you the first time, nor were they wrong to reject you having interviewed you before.

It's a special kind of entitlement to blame the interviewer and not your own performance when you don't get a job.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/08/2017 22:49

Yes, move on. It's all in the past now and you've got the job you want. It's annoying when you don't come across your best but it happens to most people. I've been rejected and gone back for interviews again. In fact in my current job I was rejected initially and got the job later. I see the two managers often and don't think anything of it.

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2017 22:50

You need to try to forget it op because the only person it will damage is you. I mean that sincerely. She has seniority over you, hating her will only back fire and you will end up paying for it and regretting it.

Focus on doing your job and doing it well.

NorthernLurker · 09/08/2017 22:51

Her behaviour was awful, you are employee of the month and she's hugely unprofessional?

Yes I would like to read the other side of this story.......

As for the numpty who said you should remove her from her post, this isn't game of thrones....