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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the manager that rejected me at interview

233 replies

Ridiculousproblem1 · 09/08/2017 22:34

I cannot believe I'm being so silly.

I went for my first professional interview and one of the interviewers was all over the internal candidate and it was clear he was getting a position (there were several).

The same woman was fine in the beginning with me but as soon as I got nervous she stopped all eye contact, ignored me and ruled me out within seconds. She laughed at my answers and asked questions like 'I suppose you've never done xxx).

I was the strongest candidate but I got nervous and was ruled out and not helped at all.
I wanted that job more than anyone.

I was devastated when I didn't get it and so hurt they didn't offer me even an agency position or temporary. I wasn't even given a chance.

I then spent a year trying to find work. It was the worst year of my life and one that will stay with me forever.

I re applied again when the position came up but the woman rejected my application later telling others it was because I did badly at interview. The position came up again and this time I was interviewed by people who were professional and approachable. I nailed it and got the position.

The other woman is still unapproachable but doesn't seem that bad.

I have no idea why I feel like this as I've never held a grudge but I hate her. I hate that she didn't give me a chance and ruled me out.

I've been rejected before, it wasn't that. It was the fact she was rude, standoffish and made fun of me in the interview. When I see her I have awful flashbacks of the interview and I can feel my heart beat faster.

I now have the job, so justice has been served but I can't even enjoy the job as I'm so angry. The way I am you would think she'd murdered my Mum!

It's almost like a fixation now and I know it's pathetic.

I have a 35k a year job, a beautiful son, wonderful friends etc but I'm not happy.
I want her to apologise but obviously she won't.

I don't bad mouth her as I'm professional like hay but I secretly hope she is made redundant!

AIBU to hate her? Or is this normal?

Just to add I've never hated anyone before. I've been rejected before and never felt like this. I've forgiven people for much worse.

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 09/08/2017 22:52

Oh get over yourself and grow the fuck up. You sound an entitled nightmare - how on earth do you know you were the best candidate for the job? I do a lot of recruitment and wouldn't reinterview someone who had interviewed badly a few months later. I'd interview a near miss, but not someone who cocked the whole thing up.

Why, out of interest, do you think this woman is "vile" and "unprofessional"? Do others feel the same way?

PersianCatLady · 09/08/2017 22:52

I was the strongest candidate
How do you know that, did you read everyone else's CVs??

I wanted that job more than anyone
Again how do you know that??

You have this entirely out of proportion and your sense of entitlement is terrifying
This x 100

Argeles · 09/08/2017 22:52

YANBU op, I would feel exactly the same as you.

From experience of similar people, she is no doubt an incompetent arse hole who sees you as a threat. I hate people like this. I'm a woman and it's always been other women who have been like this with me, never ever has a man treated me like this.

I would still hate her, and think of her as unprofessional and incompetent.

Get a voodoo doll!

altiara · 09/08/2017 22:53

Just enjoy having the job OP.

She may have been unprofessional while interviewing you BUT that doesn't mean she had to re-interview you, she was still entitled to her opinion that you didn't perform well at the interview. She didn't casually throw away your chances, the managers choosing the candidates to interview chose people they wanted to interview.

If I interviewed you and you were nervous, I'd want to put you at ease, but if you didn't answer the questions as well as other candidates then I wouldn't necessarily put you through again to interview stage until you'd got more experience.
You seem insistent on being the best person to get the job the first or second time BUT you don't know that.

Put yourself back into the place of being happy to get the job and do your best in the role, if you're constantly fixating in this other person, you'll get sacked and she'll be able to say she knew you shouldn't have got the job!

P.S you can always leave - you have a choice to stop fixating or move on. Choose one.

NotCitrus · 09/08/2017 22:54

Have you ever interviewed candidates, OP? I had training to do it and it was a real eye-opener how things come across and you end up judging people on tiny things just because you have to. If you interview 6 people for one job, and from the paperwork and a couple minutes of interview it looks like they could all do it, you're really looking for reasons to reject more than anything else.

I'd recommend interviewer training as a way to imporve your own performance.

Cheby · 09/08/2017 22:54

The worst kind of people to work with are those with over confidence and zero self awareness/reflection. From your posts OP I'd say you have both characteristics and if that came across in interview I can see why you were rejected.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2017 22:55

You need to move on OP.

You say in your post that she's "unapproachable but not that bad". (paraphrasing)

But then in the next post she's "vile" and "unprofessional".

Or am I getting that wrong? Which is it?

I think you are sounding a bit obsessed by this which is not good.

When I was trying to get my first permanent teaching job I did loads of interviews - some good some not.
Some interviewers had clearly made up their minds for internal candidates before I even walked in.
I then had one or two fixed term posts where I encountered those interviewers again.
But I got on with it and you should too - you aren't doing yourself any good harbouring these thoughts.

altiara · 09/08/2017 22:56

Personally I would not choose to work for that company/department if I didn't like the managers.

BoneyBackJefferson · 09/08/2017 22:56

You have an opinion, whether that is the truth of the situation we will never know.

From what you have said, you blew the interview, shit happens.

You were re-interviewed a couple of years later. You had more experience in the job and at interviews. You were effectively a different candidate.

As for the poster that suggested professional revenge (I hope was joking), just remember she has been there longer has more contacts and if you are found out you won't have this job that is so "perfect" and it is highly unlikely that you will be able to get similar.

NormaSmuff · 09/08/2017 22:56

how do you know there were all over the internal candidate
how do you know she didnt get the best out of the interviewee.

do you like the job even?

Beadieeye · 09/08/2017 22:57

It's not healthy to be preoccupied by this.
Surely if you feel wronged on a personal level by this woman, you're vindicated by now having the job and doing well?
Count your blessings

GladAllOver · 09/08/2017 22:57

OP, I hope you are not in the position of interviewing candidates until you have learned a lot more about your own characteristics. Then you might be able to judge others.

WeShouldOpenABar · 09/08/2017 22:58

When we interview I try to smile at the candidate cos I know a friendly face helps but my boss grills people and gives no encouragement, he needs to see how they react to that stress he's nice really. If he wasn't doing it I'd have to stop smiling so much to get a better feel for people, as it is we play good cop bad cop a bit to see how people respond. It's never personal and if we get a weak response we have to keep on that point to see how bad their knowledge or skill is so we can decide if it's worth persuing.

You're taking it way too personally interviews get in the way of my day job I haven't time to be hand holding too.

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2017 22:58

*From experience of similar people, she is no doubt an incompetent arse hole who sees you as a threat. I hate people like this. I'm a woman and it's always been other women who have been like this with me, never ever has a man treated me like this+

Well that's even better than the " move her out of her job" response. 😂

QuestionableMouse · 09/08/2017 23:00

The best way to 'punish' her is to be extremely good and professional at your job.

Phoenix76 · 09/08/2017 23:01

I do think yabu I'm afraid, you "won" in the end that should be enough. But I have a theory as to why you may be reacting as you are. Could it be possible that, in your past, maybe in school you suffered some kind of humiliation that you never got closure from and are now focusing that energy on this, as the person you feel is responsible for that feeling is still within range? Either way, the best thing you can do is just get on with doing a great job, no one enjoys being humiliated but to allow it to occupy so much of your thoughts allows the perpetrator even more power.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2017 23:01

DaviesMum and Argeles - are you both serious??

Shock

I'm actually going to be blunter than I was in my first post - OP you sound a bit like you think you were owed a job.
You aren't.

Mumof56 · 09/08/2017 23:01

Depending on the job, some interviews are designed to see how the candidate reacts to being under pressure and deals with the unexpected.

You hope she gets made redundant? If you are wishing the company start laying off people, you better hope they don't have a last in first out policy.

You have a terrible attitude, maybe the woman could sense this.

YABU

Gazelda · 09/08/2017 23:03

You say that the interview was a panel interview. So what about the other interviewers - why aren't they copping your wrath?

I think you need to find a way to get over this - your lack of ability to have a professional relationship with a senior manager might be being noticed. And your anger certainly isn't healthy for you nor an attitude generally considered 'normal'.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2017 23:04

And actually OP - this person may have treated all the candidates the way she treated you.

And you were the one that crumbled under pressure maybe.

Hissy · 09/08/2017 23:04

Wow! Posters here are just fucking vile!!!

Op, you suffered in that year and are attributing the hardship you faced to her.

She didn't do that TO you, she just made decisions.

Decisions that turned out to be wrong, but they were hers to make.

You've landed the role. Now it's time to show what "living well is the best revenge" means

You got this, she's clearly not grasped the role you have, and has recently "failed" to keep her tenant together

If anyone asked them why they left etc, her name could have mentioned

Come on, head held high!

Nobody gets £35k for doing something anyone could do...

YogiYoni · 09/08/2017 23:05

It really sounds like you're overthinking this and laying a lot of blame for the decision of a panel on one person (and possibly the wrong one - there's no way of knowing what she said about you to her peers.

She's clearly a key member of staff and you seem to plan to stay at the organisation so you really need to get over it and be able to be professional with her.

Ladyformation · 09/08/2017 23:06

Christ, I hope no one ever hates me because I play the bad cop in an interview process...

applepine · 09/08/2017 23:06

I think you need to move on. Over the last year you will have had different experiences and in your latest interview you probably (hopefully) displayed a more mature and developed attitude. You were the best candidate this time and that is what you should focus on!

Original poster
Ridiculousproblem1 · 09/08/2017 23:08

If she'd been friendly I'd have done well at interview. I was nervous and she made me uncomfortable by being rude.

She certainly interviewed below the expected standard (yes I've interviewed myself). She never even made eye contact.

I don't mind the rejection in itself. I've failed interviews before. It was her behaviour in the interview (not the fact I didn't get the job).

I know I was the best candidate and wanted the job most as in practice it's been proved. I've been the one to succeed in this challenging role and all others who interviewed have not. I was also the only one who applied three times.

I know it's daft to feel this way and no I don't even dislike anyone else so no anger coming from anyone else. There was another manager at the interview and I'm fine with her even though she also must have agreed to reject me (she has apologised for the other woman's behaviour without me even mentioning anything).

So at least I know the other person who witnessed it agrees she was unacceptable.

I don't doubt the woman was wrong but I do know I need to somehow forget it.

OP posts: