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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that so many people get supported financially by parents in adulthood?

239 replies

LittleLucyLuce · 08/08/2017 13:27

Nearly everyone that I know that has an extravagant lifestyle comes from a background where there is family money and gets supported financially by their parents as an adult.

One woman that I know, who is married with children, gets a monthly allowance from her father to buy clothes, hair extensions, get her nails done etc, and her father pays for 2 foreign holidays per year for them.

Another couple got their house bought for them by his parents, and her parents pay for their holidays, school fees for the kids, and anything that the kids need such as shoes, clothes, or toys.

These are just two of the examples of people that I know get money from parents. I don't come from a background of family money at all, but it seems that I'm in the minority.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/08/2017 13:28

I think you know some rather unusual people. I can't actually think of anyone I know who has hair extensions, let alone has them paid for by daddy.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/08/2017 13:29

I agree,that does sound unusual but why not help your children if you can?

PenelopeChipShop · 08/08/2017 13:31

I know several people who wouldn't have been able to buy their flat or first home without help from their parents. Definitely not anyone who has beauty treatments or holidays paid for though...

Original poster
LittleLucyLuce · 08/08/2017 13:32

Don't get me wrong I think it's lovely and absolutely agree why not help your children if you can. I'm just shocked at just how much financial help some get, and at the number of people who do get it.

OP posts:
Witsender · 08/08/2017 13:32

Unusual. We both had help with deposits when younger (she's as a loan, mine as a gift) and have the odd but here and there.

Refilona · 08/08/2017 13:33

While I agree it's a little strange, it'd be weirder to have parents who are really well off and don't want to help their children.

Cocklodger · 08/08/2017 13:34

I don't see an issue, or find it shocking at all if someone has help from there parents. I'd love to be able to do the same for my child when she's an adult.
I left home at 16 with no parental help btw, so it's not like I've got a silver spoon to wave about. Just don't see it as an issue so long as all are happy with it

ReinettePompadour · 08/08/2017 13:34

There was a thread about this recently. Overwhelmingly it seems most adults do still receive financial help from parents after leaving home and getting married.

For the record I don't get any financial help from my parents and would never expect to but they do pay my sisters rent and utility bills for her as she's on a low wage according to her standards.

My adult ds doesn't get any help from us either. He's an adult and we've brought him up to be independent and make his own way in life. It's a lesson not enough people learn imho.

lemonsandlimes123 · 08/08/2017 13:34

Many parents actually recognise the disparity in inter generational wealth that has largely been caused by house price rises. They therefore want to try to resolve this issue within their own family by passing wealth on, it also avoids the tax man taking such a chunk of inheritance tax. Very sensible IMO

skippy67 · 08/08/2017 13:35

I don't know anyone who gets that sort of support from their parents. If my kids need financial help when they're older, and I can afford to give it, I will. Why wouldn't I?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 08/08/2017 13:35

Because life is shit and there's often too much month at the end of the money.

My Mum and Dad often help me out. Neither are rich by any means but will help with a food shop or my gas is running low etc, but I feel grateful that my parents will help when needed. They'd tell me to fuck right off if I asked for help for hair extensions though. Rightly so too. I hope one day to be in a financial position to help them.

JennyOnAPlate · 08/08/2017 13:36

I don't know anyone who gets their hair appointments etc covered by their parents. I know a fair few whose parents pay for them to go on holiday every year and give them large sums to upgrade cars and houses.

It did shock me when I first found out, but they seem more shocked that I dont get this kind of help.

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 08/08/2017 13:36

I have one friend who has school fees and all holidays paid for. Another's parents paid for things like expensive house renovations. I know one person who was bought a house outright. But vast majority of (including myself) get minimal financial help from family.

pinkstripeycat · 08/08/2017 13:37

I know a lady (in her early 30s, married with 2 x dc) whose father gave her a monthly allowance. Her brother (also early 30s) refused the same and said he wanted to stand on his own 2 feet. When the family bought a dog the dad said if they could afford a dog they could afford to support themselves and so they did. It was the Parents choice to help/support their family as all their money will eventually be spent on/be left to the children/grandchildren

MaidOfStars · 08/08/2017 13:37

it also avoids the tax man taking such a chunk of inheritance tax. Very sensible IMO
I'm pretty sure this is the motivation behind the occasional chunk of cash I get from my parents. They pay for me, my husband and them to go on holiday every couple of years too.

firawla · 08/08/2017 13:37

I don't know anyone who gets that. I do know of people who've borrowed from parents, but pay back the full amount but that's about it

AwaywiththePixies27 · 08/08/2017 13:38

While I agree it's a little strange, it'd be weirder to have parents who are really well off and don't want to help their children.

Definitely agree. Knew someone at school who's parents were shit rich. Cars etc. She didn't need to work because DH brought enough in to provide for them all so could have took school mate to school.

She made her DC walk to school miles away every day come wind rain or shine as they didnt want X relying on £ to get them anywhere. We had a free school bus that passed their house. Confused

PurpleDaisies · 08/08/2017 13:38

We (and lots of friends) have had help buying houses. That's mainly due to our parents' generation being able to buy cheaply and take advantage of huge house price rises.

I don't know anyone that gets the kind of "pocket money" type support you describe.

blackberrypickinginaugust · 08/08/2017 13:39

Would you be shocked at grandparents caring for grandchildren?

As that saves people around £12,000 p/a.

Meanwhile my parents are dead so I have no mortgage. People say I am lucky. And I want to kill them!

EdmundCleverClogs · 08/08/2017 13:40

I grew up in a place where most people only had one child and provided everything for them (driving lessons, car, first house and everything in between). As one of a few, with parents who lost money as soon as they had it (seriously, one of my parents had a huge sum of money at one point, lost it all in a couple of years), it's easy to turn a head at what others have. However, those parents have made choices to be able to provide for their children, regardless of their age.

I'm n/c with my both parents now, and it's a struggle in this day and age. I don't begrudge those who get parental handouts as adults, but I do get cross/jealous at times. My partner would hate still getting 'pocket money' however always gets very generous (expensive) gifts and knows would only have to ask to get something.

I'm not sure how much of a negative effect it has, most people I know are not greedy from having everything provided. However, they are naive about the idea of not having a 'safety net', if their own lives fell apart. They know they will probably be bailed out, how very lucky for them.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 08/08/2017 13:41

I don't think it's that unusual. My dad gives me a monthly income because he can afford to. My mother and father in law often offer to pay for big purchases such as appliances for the house or garage bills and they usually give us £500 spending money for our holiday.
Lots of people I know get help in some way, even if it's just grandparents paying nursery fees or swimming/dance lessons.

Cabawill · 08/08/2017 13:41

I have 3 sets of friends who all get help from their parents. One gets £400 a month- I just don't understand why as she's married and both of them work. Her parents are particularly wealthy and they earn a decent amount between them anyway.

Another who's mum pays for all her child's christenings/birthday parties and her childcare costs (DM is retired and well off) and another who's PIL take them on holiday every year, pay for all the subs for their DGC hobbies/classes and buy them a new car every 3 years.

I don't understand it and apart from the odd pack of loo rolls that are on offer, my DM and PIL never pay for anything for us- why would they?

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 08/08/2017 13:42

I think it's a bit rich when people (tbf not on this thread) moan about baby boomers and then get all judgemental about "bank of mum and dad". Surely it's nice to treat or help your DC in adulthood and a way of letting some of the wealth trickle down.

My parents are paying for a (modest UK) holiday for us all this month as they enjoy us all going together and have been fortunate financially. As it happens we don't need regular help either as cash or in kind (eg childcare) but we plan to help our DC when the time comes.

My DH's parents died when he was a teenager so in a way we had a lot of financial help from them (he inherited their house as an only child)

Rosiethecat · 08/08/2017 13:43

I know several family supported financially by their parents but not for extras

These family's get help with basic food shopping, clothing and shoes for children nothing fancy some of them as just bad with money others are in tough situations

Coldilox · 08/08/2017 13:43

I've had assistance with a house deposit (most put down by us, but extra given by both sides). My dad pays my sister's kids' private school fees, but I have already told him I don't want him to pay for my DS. He will go to state school. I'm lucky that I know I'll never be destitute as my parents would always help if I needed it. But I don't, I work and earn enough to pay my way. It's important to me that I don't rely on their financial support.