To be shocked that so many people get supported financially by parents in adulthood?

[LittleLucyLuce]

Nearly everyone that I know that has an extravagant lifestyle comes from a background where there is family money and gets supported financially by their parents as an adult.

One woman that I know, who is married with children, gets a monthly allowance from her father to buy clothes, hair extensions, get her nails done etc, and her father pays for 2 foreign holidays per year for them.

Another couple got their house bought for them by his parents, and her parents pay for their holidays, school fees for the kids, and anything that the kids need such as shoes, clothes, or toys.

These are just two of the examples of people that I know get money from parents. I don't come from a background of family money at all, but it seems that I'm in the minority.

I have several friends who still receive financial help from their parents. I have mixed feelings about it, tbh if my own parents were like this I may not

You don't stop being a parent just because your child is an adult, you still want the best for them and if you can afford to help them achieve a more comfortable life then why not?

On the other hand my friends are all in their 30s and still (to me anyway) not very independent and mostly unable to make responsible financial decisions. They never have to worry as there's always someone there to bail them out. I am however fully aware that there is an air of sour grapes from me as I've not had a single thing paid for me by my parents since I was 14.

Both mine and my DH parents have always helped us out if we have an unexpected bill/emergency (like white goods/car breakdown) It usually starts as a loan (i.e. £50-£100) but they refuse to take it back. Both sets of our grandparents did the same for our parents. My sister and I help each other out if one needs money and the other doesn't have it. When our DCs are older DH and I will do the same. We consider ourselves very lucky in this respect.

I know a family who often need financial support from parents for groceries or unexpected expenses. I also know sone who were given mortgage deposits. I only know one woman who gets financial support from her parents for luxuries and they are very wealthy, so of course they share with their children!

I can't imagine asking my parents for luxuries, even if they have more disposable income than me, I make sure we take turns paying for teas and stuff we do. It's important to me to give back to my parents.

While I agree it's a little strange, it'd be weirder to have parents who are really well off and don't want to help their children.

Yup. I don't need or particularly want parental support or hair extensions but mine occasionally send me money. About £3000 a year from my gran, from my parents it's linked to when they feel I may need money, if that makes sense - so we bought a new home recently and they sent me £5000, and told me to ask them if I needed any more.

The small irony here is that I'm not very close to them and wouldn't ask for money unless I'd exhausted every kind of formal lending, and all my friends. I wouldn't mind borrowing from them, but they insist on giving me money, and I don't feel comfortable with that.

FWIW both I and DH are high earners - it's not at all linked to need.

Meanwhile my parents are dead so I have no mortgage. People say I am lucky. And I want to kill them!

That's terrible! Some People are thoughtless. I have a friend with a beautiful beachfront house that she bought with the money her mum left her. She said to me "I'd much rather have my mum here."

Yep, DM died and we're mortgage free. But I'd give it all back for another hour with her, in a heartbeat.

Before she died she helped us out for 'big ticket' items - she gave me a deposit for our house, and lent us money directly for home renovations. It took it out of the calculations for IHT so it was a sensible move on her part too. She wouldn't have given me an allowance though; her household income was less than ours was (although she was asset rich).

I think the point upthread about childcare is a valid one too. Some retired people are time rich rather than cash rich and that is still a valuable resource to be passed on between the generations. Our childcare bill is approximately £25k a year, having someone look after the DC even one day a week would be worth a lot of money to us!

I am an adult and I have special needs and I live in a different country from my parents, so I am really glad they help me. It is much, much harder for me to find employment with my needs, so I am self-employed. But I have to pay for a helper and lots of other things that I wouldn't need to if I didn't have any additional needs.

I am very frugal And don't drink, smoke or party or do a lot of other things that people my age do.

We help ds2 because he doesn't earn enough to cover his outgoings in full. He works full time in a very worthwhile job but London living is so expensive.

When dh and I were first married both sets of parents helped us in financial ways, both gifts and loans, always for specific items such as kitchen renovation, new boiler. Now we are older, better off and IMO when you are a young adult is often when you actually need the help. The other option is for parents to keep all their wealth until they die and their DC inherit aged 60+ in many cases. Plus the tax man gets his chunk.

So I don't intend to pay for beauty treatments but definitely will help with housing, family holidays and stuff that's actually enjoyable.

I had this conversation with my mother this week, who was telling me how proud she was of how independent my sister and I were. I pointed out that she regularly babysits for me, for a decade after leaving home I received an allowance of £250 a month, I had £10k cash for my first house and £15k towards the second.

Her response was to say that I would have managed perfectly fine without any of it, I never asked for it and as her and Dad could afford it, it made them happy to do it. (She also added it ensured that I never moved back home again, she's not that totally selfless :D)

Unusual, I'd say. My parents used to give me and my sib the maximum amount allowed annually, but I found they then expected to pull the apron strings and wanted me to jump when they asked, so stopped accepting anything from them years ago.

They loaned me the deposit for a flat many years ago when we were newly married (20 years ago!) and it was paid back by standing order. I certainly wouldn't expect a penny from them now.

I can understand parents giving money to their children, they might be a lot better off. Mine are retired, but have a fair bit. I keep telling them to spend it and they do, they have three holidays minimum a year. I don't want or need an inheritance.

They insist in giving me money, and I don't feel comfortable with that.

Just don't accept it then!

Pretty much everyone I know has help or has had help in the past from their parents. I think there's only us and one other couple I know that haven't. The vast majority comes in the form of a house deposit but others get cars bought, big ticket items like windows/carpets/home extensions etc, holidays paid for. Some were enabled to leave Uni with no debt whatsoever as they had their rent paid etc (we scraped in prefees), deposits for first flats paid for. Now we're in our thirties a lot get free child care from their parents, cover for illness and holidays etc.

Dp and I haven't had any real help since we turned 18. I get mighty pissed off when friends who have had massive help say things like 'god I'm so glad we bought when we did. I'd hate to still be renting, you should really think about buying!'.

Government policy has put the boomers interests first for years and as a result they are now disproportionately wealthy. Of course some of them are going to help their kids.

It has only recently dawned on me that I think that most people I know must be getting help from their parents, their lifestyles are too extravagant for that many of them in seemingly ordinary jobs to be able to finance it themselves. Think £1.5M houses, 3 kids in private school, 2 or 3 5* holidays a year, Range Rovers. I know what we earn and it's very high and we simply couldn't do it.

My parents are seriously well off, their income is well over £250k a year even in retirement and they have at least half a dozen properties worth a few million but they don't give me or my siblings a penny. Actually I lie, my dad paid for me and the kids to go to Nando's last week. I know if we were in dire straits they would be there and that one day it will all come our way but can't imagine them supporting us more than that.

Meltor, isn't that like £55 grands worth of help!?!

My parents buy school uniforms and treat the grandkids to stuff that I may struggle to afford, days out and pocket money. They say that they were and are financially better off than my generation so they are happy to help out. My dad says he feels sorry that this seems to be the first generation that are not financially better off than their parents in general (obviously not in every case) in regards to housing and disposable income.

People should learn to stand on their own two feet and have some pride in doing so. Theres nothing to be proud of being constant recipients of the bank of mum and dad.

Trala were your parents given a lot of help from their parents? Maybe it depends on how you were raised as to how much you're prepared to help your own adult dc?

I grew up in a very poor home and in my teens gave my mother a lot of money. However DPs parents are more well off (not rich) and give us money pretty regularly. They also gave us money towards our new (secondhand) car when I was pregnant.
It makes DP very uncomfortable, I'm slightly more ambivalent - in their situation I would do the same for my children. I'm extremely grateful as it allows us a slightly easier life.

I think DPs father feels as lemons said:
"Many parents actually recognise the disparity in inter generational wealth that has largely been caused by house price rises. They therefore want to try to resolve this issue within their own family by passing wealth on, it also avoids the tax man taking such a chunk of inheritance tax. Very sensible IMO"
He regularly comments how much less of a percentage of salary he needed to get his first house, how much less mortgage repayments were in comparison to other costs, his free university education etc. I know he feels his generation were lucky.
My and DP work hard though which I think helps. We would feel uncomfortable going on holiday while they help us out though I don't think they'd mind.

Matilda, London is really expensive. I have looked into moving, but need good transportation and access to things. This is one good thing about London.

People should learn to stand on their own two feet and have some pride in doing so.

Alas. If only life were that simple for everyone...

LBOCS2

I had a colleague in her late fifties. Parents paid for house and house extension and private school. It's by no means a new thing.

blackberry and LBOCS sorry you've come across thoughtless people too, and sorry for your losses. DH is nearing the stage when he has been without his parents almost as long as he had them (he's mid-30s) so he does tend to let comments wash over him now.

I kind of know how the stupid comments slip out though. Being well off due to an inheritance is a silver lining, but the cloud is pretty fricking massive.

DH's parents paid off our mortgage when they inherited a lot of money. They also paid for an extension on our house.

He's an only child and his parents said they enjoyed seeing us benefit from their inheritance rather than getting it when they died.

I don't know anyone who gets an allowance but financial support often happens ie
: childcare
: passing on cars
: substantial sums for house deposits
: invitations on expensive holidays
: cheques from time to to time

My parents were thrifty but generous. They have gifted significant sums over the years but never told me how to spend it. They also treated themselves, house improvements, cruises, cars, so I didn't feel I was taking advantage. My dads view was " If I don't need it, I don't want the tax man to have it!".

My parents have always been very generous with us - they've given all of us money towards house deposits and have regularly 'gifted' quite large sums to us over the years.

They have bought one of my sisters every car she's ever owned (she's 50!), so in her case, she has never become financially independent or sensible with money.

I certainly hope we will be able to do the same with ours.