To be shocked that so many people get supported financially by parents in adulthood?

[LittleLucyLuce]

Nearly everyone that I know that has an extravagant lifestyle comes from a background where there is family money and gets supported financially by their parents as an adult.

One woman that I know, who is married with children, gets a monthly allowance from her father to buy clothes, hair extensions, get her nails done etc, and her father pays for 2 foreign holidays per year for them.

Another couple got their house bought for them by his parents, and her parents pay for their holidays, school fees for the kids, and anything that the kids need such as shoes, clothes, or toys.

These are just two of the examples of people that I know get money from parents. I don't come from a background of family money at all, but it seems that I'm in the minority.

Some people are just well off, have great income in retirement and want to give it now while they can see the benefit it brings rather than when they are in an urn on the fireplace or 6 foot under. I like the concept and encourage it. It's good for the economy. No point hording loads of cash that you will never spend.

We're in London where house prices are extortionate so it's very common to get help with deposits from parents, as well as an allowance for living costs when you are starting out in internships and entry level jobs etc. DH and I don't have any help, as my parents aren't well off (on pension credit so all their income is from benefits), but I'm lucky that they live locally and have helped out with free childcare (I've never used paid-for childcare). That's just how things are in our culture. DH is a high earner and has never needed financial help from his parents, but he went to uni overseas which had high tuition fees which they paid for.

We're quite well off and it makes sense financially to give money to dcs when they are adults. We aren't big spenders and it will just accumulate in our own accounts otherwise and it will end up being inherited by the dcs but taxed so I'll be squirrelling it away in their names even in adulthood.

Bless you Blackberrypickinginaugust
I totally empathise with you. I've also been pronounced 'lucky' because I am mortgage free due to my DParents passing away. It SUCKS and I miss them every bloody day. xxx

My dad supported me through uni. My in-laws bought us wall to wall carpeting when we renovated our house many years ago. Grandma sometimes pays for school shoes.

We appreciate it all, but none of it gave us an injection of capital early in adulthood that we could really put to use. Must be nice!

If we have the money I would be glad to help my children with uni and house deposits, but we'll have to see.

I know a lot of people who had help with deposits / houses bought for them to "rent" while they saved for a deposit etc but only know of two women with allowances from their fathers. Both are dressed up as "wages" for helping in the family business but as far as I know neither actually do anything.

Neither DH or I have wealthy parents sadly. Bootstraps stories aplenty here.

If the parents have enough disposable income it is good inheritance tax planning to give money away to their families. Can also ensure funds or property are not used for care costs later too.

I've been very lucky with my parents. They lent us part of the deposit for our first house & when my dm's parents died she bought me & my sister a car each. They are still going strong after 15 years.

They are very generous when we go out. Will always pay for car parking, lunch, coffee etc.

They don't believe in big presents for children. We always had a small number of Christmas presents but this meant we could have a family holiday each year.

They help me with costs such as car repairs but we always pay them back.

But I do find it rude to hear people saying how parents of certain generations are well off because of property booms & final salary pensions. My parents worked their arses off to pay for their first house. They paid £22 k for it in 1972, but that was a huge amount in relation to their salary. I think it's worth remembering that many people of this generation are comfortable because they did live within their means. There wasn't the credit available that there is now. If you wanted something you had to work hard, save & pay for it up front. Sacrifices were made & that's why many of this generation have financial security.

Good point widow, my dp certainly never had crit card's

We've been given money by both sets of parents - they are baby boomers and have been in a position to do so. Its given us a head start, but I know that, at least on my parents side, the expectation is that it's for capital use and that we should then be saving to give our DC a head start. If I started squandering my parents money on hair extensions, I'd definitely not see any more.

The other thing both sets of parents do is pay for meals out when we are together. We used to offer to pay, but eventually FIL said 'we might as well pay or youll just end up inheriting it less 40%'.

Think you know very special people as the normal ones I know off certainly do not get financial support to the extent you describe. Yes, a lot are given help with house deposit or so.ething that is very important say help with car repairs when needed for work. My family were given choice of cost of wedding or house deposit of equivalent value. All choose the house deposit and just made do on wedding costs unless given money from in laws.you are not the exception.

widow I disagree slightly. In the south east, house prices are insane compared to salaries and lots of people don't use credit cards. I know quite a few people who would not dream of it and still "work their arses off". I hate this idea that we are generation rent simply because we use credit cards and assume all previous generations had it so much easier.

When I was newly single and trying to save for a house deposit my friend said well don't your parents lend you twenty grand! Er where would my parents get twenty grand from!!!!

Sunny - whilst I agree with your comment, I also think a lot of people have a grudge against the pensioners getting final salary pensions, not realising how much they paid into them and how little they had when they started out. Not just not buying on credit, but rarely going out, or on holidays, my parents were 50 before having a house phone!!

There was a BBC article yesterday on how pensioners are much better off than in 70s. Some of the comments were awful, basically saying baby boomers have shafted young people. How? Its not their fault that final salary pensions are no longer affordable, it is down to life expectancy and other factors.

And no, I am not a baby boomer, and won't benefit from the final salary schemes my parents and PIL did/do (all 4 working in utilities when public and as teachers). But they arent to blame for the housing and pension situation of younger generations.

We are early 50s, never had a penny off parents until I inherited when my mum died last year (despite my DB getting a large house deposit and monthly allowance for many years, unbeknown to me until she became ill a year before she died 😧)

DH is self employed, so most of his pension is money purchase, I have a mix of very small final salary pots, plus various money purchase pots. BUT, we have always been careful with money, never splurged on drink, cigarettes, latest gadgets, both have saved as much as we could into both ISAs and SIPPs and invested in shares, with the intention of being able to retire at 60.

Having had a modest inheritance and a share windfall in the last year, and looked at our other savings, it is obvious we will not spend everything we have saved and will save until retirement unless we end up travelling the world!!

I have therefore every intention of us helping our kids when they are older, despite them already having a house deposit via an inheritance from a distant relative of mine.

If any of their friends have a problem with that, then tough. We have worked hard and earned/saved it, I would rather help them whilst alive than the taxman take 40% when I am dead.

We have already had snotty comments from one friend when we bought eldest a basic car when he could drive. I reminded her that she had chosen to pay 3 lots of prep school fees through primary to make sure they got into a top grammar at 11, why shouldn't we choose to use our money to buy DS a car. She didn't have an answer!!!

SunnySkies my brother is still at home with my folks and we joke it's because he has a penchant for avocado and the occasional pint of real ale

My parents paid a large chunk towards our wedding which was lovely and that, and/or a house deposit of c. £5,000 seems to be fairly normal amongst my friends.

Sallybates - I don't think that's just the UK today. I think wealthy families have always helped their children.

And often those children also work hard so they can help their children. Tis how it has always been. If you think there was a golden age of total self reliance I think you're wrong.

My parents have the attitude that they would rather help us now and see us happy than have to wait until they are gone. We all help one another out.

It's not an issue for us as we're not in that tax bracket, but people can also avoid their kids paying a lot of inheritance tax by helping them financially while they are alive.

kath I'm sure there are a lot of younger people who resent older generations but there are many who don't. The comments come from both sides i.e. the one above about younger generations and credit cards. Those sorts of comments do make me feel a bit resentful, not of the fact that someone is financially better off than me but because they really have no idea. Then again, I recognise that I have no idea what it's like to a baby boomer who lived through other difficult times. It's about respecting different life experiences.

What's wrong with it ? There are people who'd be homeless without parental help.
YABU.

Weirdly my mum and dad used to help me more when I was better off.They would buy the Kids school shoes as a nice gesture or Occasionally send me thirty quid in the post for a 'treat'. I didn't really need it, but really appreciated it.
Now I am a single mum and quite skint they don't really... I don't resent it particularly-it's their money and up to them-just reading this thread has made me realise it.

I actually think there's more to life that doing things on your own. I like families behaving like a unit and pooling resources. Parents might help out their adult children but those same children in time will likely spend lots of time, energy, money on the parents in their old age depending on circumstances. I'd have my mum or dad or both living in my home in a heartbeat if they needed it, paying for their food and utilities and additional care while driving them to everything.

People seem to think families should split and function as only couples or individuals once kids hit 18 and sneer at co-dependence and co-functioning in families. But I think there are cycles and in the best families kids learn all the tools for independence and have respect for their parents and don't expect anything from them BUT still often receive help and support out of love and because it gives the older more secure generation pleasure to be involved and help.

What goes around comes around too. That is the type of family I'm in and it works really well. We're all independent if we need to be but actually we love helping each other out.

Each to their own, but I've never asked for or expected or been given financial help. But I do know a person who's parents bought a house for them, and paid for it all, and others who have the bank of mum and dad open 24/7. On the one hand I think it must be nice, on the other I think earn it yourself!

Batoutahell - that's a nice post. I feel the same. My family are pretty entwined too - my dad bought my sister a car a few years back, when he was unwell she drove to see him every weekend and batch cooked meals she could freeze so he had food during the week. We all did a big family holiday into our thirties with GCs too and cousins (my DCs and my sister's DCs) are also very close.

I think maybe we're all a bit like that as we lost DM when I was quite young, in a fairly distressing way, so we clung together. But then, he's remarried now and DSM is a bit like that with her kids and has commented their shared values are one of the things that brought her and DF together.

My DH's family who come from a non-British culture are ever worse and have 50 of them for an extended family lunch weekly. Interestingly, both me and DSis have married men from non-British backgrounds with very strong and involved family units. I guess that is what we prefer. I sometimes find the 'stand on your own two feet as soon as you're sixteen' a bit sad.

I think people feel shafter by boomers due to Brexit and voting Tory tbh. Pulling up drawbridge on free tuition fees and affordable housing etc.