Hate bloody MAN HOBBIES

[1wokeuplikethis]

My husband has one of those expensive hobbies (LTB immediately, I know) which takes him off for nearly a whole day at a weekend if he wants wants to fully embrace it. I encourage it because what's good for him is good for us and he is wholely supportive of me getting some hobby to do (I don't have any, can't think of any, my hobby is spending time as a family).

As a SAHM to a 4 & 1 year old (who don't go to nursery) and with a husband who works full time 9-5, I actually dread these weekends because it cuts into our family time massively and it's more of me doing the same thing I do every day of the week (clue: being run ragged). I was supportive of him taking up the hobby because I love him basically. But my teeth are hurtin from gritting them as I say 'oh this weekend? Yeah no problem' and acting breezy. I have told him how I feel and he is considerate aka doesn't go every single weekend & gives me plenty of notice and we do things as a family the rest of the weekend.

I just don't like it!

Can't you go to a cafe, cinema, shops, see a friend, get your nails done, go for a run, swim, walk along the veach, visit an art gallery, go for a walk, go for a pizza, get your hair cut, sit by a river, go to the library, lie in a park and read, see family............

Any of those or something else.

It's not a man hobby thing. It's a male entitlement thing.

Man gets huge amount of time out of the donkey work for his "hobby" where as female DP or DW doesn't.

See it all the time on here.

It's a bit crap to expect you both to be bored just because you can't think of anything you want to do. It's not his fault you have no interests outside your family.

Greyhorses and I honestly don't see why when you have children you would spend and hour daily on hobbies. Their childhoods last for such a short time. Plenty of time for hobbies before or after raising dc.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme, you see it on here all the time because people come on here to vent and moan (usually with justification). That doesn't mean it is normal. If you read the relationships board you could come away thinking all men are cheating bastards too.

I have a hobby that i do 2 nights a week. I would not give it up because dh felt every spare minute need to family time.

I sometimes go at weekends and take the kids. Sometimes alone.

I really dont see the issue with people having hobbies.

It's not a male entitlement thing. It's a selfish person thing and/or martyr problem (often in differing amounts).

Eg) partner 1 has a hobby and does it every few weeks. Partner 2 doesn't have a hobby and feels hard done to because they're always at home. Partner 1 has said multiple times that partner 2 could have some me time but instead of doing it, partner 2 complains about how they couldn't possibly have time for a hobby because of a range of non reasons because partner 1 is more than happy to pick up the home stuff.

E.g. Partner 1 has a hobby and it dominates every element of life. They are out often at night, miss bedtimes and weekends are often spent doing the hobby with friends. Partner 2 is increasingly annoyed that they try to arrange family time but partner 1 keeps backing out because they are busy with their hobby. Partner 2 is doing more at home responsibilities and is feeling neglected and annoyed.

It doesn't make a difference whether partner 1/2 are male/female. The issue is about being selfish/a martyr.

I have told him how I feel and he is considerate aka doesn't go every single weekend & gives me plenty of notice and we do things as a family the rest of the weekend.

Op also says that he has cut back and gives notice.

I find it really odd that he is expected to never do anything that is family time.

I am glad op is considering taking a hobbie up herself. It might give some perspective.

Using the generalisms posted on here, i think men have it right and women have it wrong.

Everyone needs some time to do something for themselves. The question is why dont women do it? Or seemingly dont want to do it?

I am glad op is considering taking a hobbie up herself. It might give some perspective
I agree. She sounds overwhelmed and in need of a break. Some time for herself would be great for her to be herself independent of parent duties.

araiwa Exactly. It's healthy and normal to have interests independent of your partner and family.

Ofcourse it's not. Nothing to do with a patriarchal society at all.

If it's cycling get into it yourself. Can't beat them join them. Get other mums to come with you cycle somewhere nice for a pub lunch.

Sorry but you sound rather martyr-ish. Also in time your dc will want nothing to do with you so you may be rather lost.

Greyhorses and I honestly don't see why when you have children you would spend and hour daily on hobbies. Their childhoods last for such a short time. Plenty of time for hobbies before or after raising dc

Don't you di ANY exercise? You must be really unfit.

No Hipster I am wheelchair bound.

@AndNowItIsSeven by you think it's. As for adults who aren't in a wheelchair to exercise because they should always be with their children and partner?

Do you really do nothing for 'you' ever?

I think exercising is a good idea but It shouldn't take an hour a day out of family life. Plenty of things you can do that involve the dc.
Yes I things for myself. I would watch a film, read play a game, chat with friends etc whilst the dc are in bed.

Discuss it properly rather than getting annoyed but I don't think you should stop him doing it. It sounds like you need a bit more time away from kids yourself. Could you find childcare a couple of days a week and get a job or hobby then? Go out in the evening and let your husband stay home with children?

Yes I things for myself. I would watch a film, read play a game, chat with friends etc whilst the dc are in bed.

And when they are 10 and going to bed a lot later?

Or your friends want to chat at lunchtime?

I just don't think it is good for children to never see their parents as autonomous adults in their own right, as more than 'mum' and 'dad'. It's like you just exist to serve them and their needs.

Also it's nice for children to see their parents passionate about things, have wider interests. You can maybe inspire your children to be passionate about something.

Hobbies and interests are good for people, and it's especially good to carry on sport/exercise through to adult hood.

I think it's good for kids to see mum being sporty / doing her own thing rather than perma drudge

@BarbaraofSeville, I'm currently hugely excited as I'm doing my PADI open water in a couple of weeks!

Apologies for digression.....

I think it's good for kids to see mum being sporty / doing her own thing rather than perma drudge

Yup otherwise you are just perpetuating the 'woman do child/house shit / man have fun' crap.

There is a bit enough problem as it is with teenage girls giving up sprout because it isn't 'cool'. They don't need negative attitudes from their mothers as well.

My dh confirmed I was definitely up for a girls trip abroad before I even knew about it - and bought me a posh bike - very keen to equal it out so he can do his hobby without being a bastard

BTW for anyone interested in taking up netball again - there are loads of netball companies that run (profit making) leagues for all levels. Find a league near you, pick a social one or a low division and email asking about teams needing players.

How about trying to get in touch with old friends and see a bit more of them? Perhaps suggest meeting up for a walk or stately home visit? Or do an evening class - learn a language or something like that?