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Original poster

Hate bloody MAN HOBBIES

209 replies

1wokeuplikethis · 08/08/2017 12:51

My husband has one of those expensive hobbies (LTB immediately, I know) which takes him off for nearly a whole day at a weekend if he wants wants to fully embrace it. I encourage it because what's good for him is good for us and he is wholely supportive of me getting some hobby to do (I don't have any, can't think of any, my hobby is spending time as a family).

As a SAHM to a 4 & 1 year old (who don't go to nursery) and with a husband who works full time 9-5, I actually dread these weekends because it cuts into our family time massively and it's more of me doing the same thing I do every day of the week (clue: being run ragged). I was supportive of him taking up the hobby because I love him basically. But my teeth are hurtin from gritting them as I say 'oh this weekend? Yeah no problem' and acting breezy. I have told him how I feel and he is considerate aka doesn't go every single weekend & gives me plenty of notice and we do things as a family the rest of the weekend.

I just don't like it!

OP posts:
hiphopcat · 08/08/2017 15:05

Why do (some) men always have 'hobbies' that take them away from home for much of the time they could/should be spending with the wife and kids? They always seem to be costly too!

Confused

Especially seeing as how hell would freeze over before the men would allow their wife/the mother of their children do do the same.

I think what it boils down to is women's lives and priorities change completely when they get married and have children, but mens lives don't change. They make sure of that.

Letsgetreadytorumbleagain · 08/08/2017 15:06

Netball sounds good OP - no harm in trying it to see if you still enjoy it.

CockacidalManiac · 08/08/2017 15:07

I tend to find that people who base their total life around their kids, and only their kids, very boring. It's like their whole existence was meaningless until they had children, and that they only exist as parents.
One day those children will fly the nest, so you'd better be a more rounded person when that happens. Be interested in life.

DoormatBob · 08/08/2017 15:07

Sounds like you need a hobby...

JoshLymanJr · 08/08/2017 15:11

Especially seeing as how hell would freeze over before the men would allow their wife/the mother of their children do do the same.

How is this specious and sexist crap even relevant given that the OP's husband has encouraged her to get a hobby of her own?

hiphopcat · 08/08/2017 15:16

How is this specious and sexist crap even relevant given that the OP's husband has encouraged her to get a hobby of her own?

Calm down.

Maybe so, but I am talking in general.............

AND, do you really think the OP's hubby is going to tolerate her having a 'hobby' that takes her away from the home as much as HIS does?!

Don't make laugh! Who the fuck is going to look after the children?! Confused

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 08/08/2017 15:20

"Maybe so, but I am talking in general............."

Bollocks

hiphopcat · 08/08/2017 15:20

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JoshLymanJr · 08/08/2017 15:22

AND, do you really think the OP's hubby is going to tolerate her having a 'hobby' that takes her away from the home as much as HIS does?!

Given that his hobby only takes up the occasional day on a weekend it's fuck all for either of them to ask. What was written in the OP to make you think he wouldn't 'tolerate' this, or is it a totally unfounded assumption?

hiphopcat · 08/08/2017 15:22

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whatsthecomingoverthehill · 08/08/2017 15:24

It's a good job most men aren't the twats you think them to be.

JoshLymanJr · 08/08/2017 15:26

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supermoon100 · 08/08/2017 15:29

It's great to have hobbies and outside interests but few women do this kind of thing with young kids. I just think what is good for the goose should be good for the gander etc. Otherwise save your time consuming hobbies for when the kids are older. Don't put your wife in that position in the first place. Ie put your family's needs first

hiphopcat · 08/08/2017 15:33

It's great to have hobbies and outside interests but few women do this kind of thing with young kids. I just think what is good for the goose should be good for the gander etc. Otherwise save your time consuming hobbies for when the kids are older. Don't put your wife in that position in the first place. i.e; put your family's needs first

Well said @supermoon10. I thought all the sensible posters had deserted the thread!

Many more marriages would be a success if men stopped putting their own needs and wants above those of their wife and children. Not all men, SOME of course, as I said in my first post, which the baiters chose to ignore.

Doesn't suit their agenda to acknowledge what I actually SAID though. Wink

MoreProseccoNow · 08/08/2017 15:35

I don't think you should need to have a "hobby" to justify having a break from family life. But you should both have equal access to time off. So perhaps an evening a week & half day each at the weekend? Or one day every 2nd weekend.

I personally struggled without some me-time. When my partner worked long hours/away, I felt suffocated & trapped at home. I world have killed for an evening/day off, even if I only wandered round the shops, met a friend for coffee, did exercise, read a book etc.

Having said that, I hope each of you facilitates the other's hobby by pulling their weight on the domestic front. Unfortunately I know a few men who encourage their partners to have hobbies, but sit on their arses at home while their wife does her hobby, so she comes home to a tip, DC not been fed, etc. Meanwhile, he will come home to a tidy house, kids fed etc. And do beware the bloke who encourages you to have a hobby to justify his own, then sabotages your me-time (late again at work, etc). Sadly I know a few of them too.....

MeltorPeltor · 08/08/2017 15:36

He's not a mind reader, talk to him. You are telling him it's fine and then inwardly resenting him, how is he expected to know it's an issue?

I'm married to a workaholic, his hobby is work so he often goes off at weekends to do it, I'm a SAHM so I do need a break but likewise I also have a rather hands on hobby that takes me away from family life, but I've reined it back since having children (so I do 2-3 hours each day at the weekends instead of 7-8). We compromise, make sure it's ok for both parties and work together.

Noodledoodledoo · 08/08/2017 15:37

I am another one who struggles with this angst. I argued with my husband who wanted to stop his golf membership this year - he needs to do something for him else he will spend all his time staring at his ipad! He has stopped but has upped his running instead, admittidly he does it during lunchtimes at work mosst weeks with an odd park run chucked in every now and then.

I have kept my hobby - running a Guide unit - going throughout two pregnancies/mat leaves etc. My kids are 2 and 1, but I love my night off once a week. I work part time as well but Guides once a week is time for me.

If you don't want to eat into weekend family time look at evenings - my hobbies tend to be nightly - Guides, Pilates - mainly for medical reasons but I do enjoy it, and I am about to join Slimming World as well this week. I do feel guilty I am out so much in the evening but he points out he gets the easy job as for two of those I have helped with bedtime first!!

I also am aware I have broken the MN rule of naming and shaming the hobbies!!

LilyRose16 · 08/08/2017 15:37

hiphopcat in our house both I and my DH have similar hobbies that we do 5 times a week each, we take turns, guess what, we CO-PARENT!

some modern men even see women as equals these days Hmm

Noodledoodledoo · 08/08/2017 15:40

Oh and my hobby often takes me away for weekends and its not an issue at all.

No objection from my husband about it he is happy to look after the kids.

We obviously don't conform to the 'norm'

MoreProseccoNow · 08/08/2017 15:46

OP, how about a "book" wine club? - I go to one more wine than book. Or an evening coffee with some friends - I find other mums are delighted to leave their partners to do bath/bedtime alone 😁. I've recently done couch to 5K - can easily fit that in to family life.

EveningShadows · 08/08/2017 15:49

Hiphop, I feel sad that you have such a bleak view of men. My DH is incredibly supportive of me taking time away from the kids to do my own thing - as our most of my friends' dhs.

I only have one friend who treats his wife like a 1950s housewife and I really don't understand how she puts up with it Confused

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 08/08/2017 15:54

i would love to play netball again!

babybat · 08/08/2017 16:03

If you try to find something you like to do it'll mean that your DH gets more time with the kids - which is good for all of you. So many dads rarely spend time looking after their kids on their own, which is a real shame.

In terms of what you might like to do, something that takes you out of the house could be:

  • exercise (the gym, running, cycling, a class, any sport)
  • swimming (for fitness or just to relax)
  • photography
  • volunteering/charity work/local campaign group
  • gardening/allotment
  • book/craft group

If you find something you like to do, and you each do your hobby every other weekend, you'll still be able to spend time as a family, and you might even enjoy it. Give it a go!

Bin85 · 08/08/2017 16:57

Walking is also good.
Short or long.
Alone or with friends.
You could do a challenge like Walk a 1000 miles in 2017
Gives you something different to talk about.

PoorYorick · 08/08/2017 17:00

Why do you grit your teeth? Can't you talk to him about how you're feeling? If you never tell him how you feel he may be justified in honestly thinking you're happy with it.

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