My neighbours are thick as fuck! I'm stuck in their house!

[squattingposition]

I can't even understood what's happened!! They've locked me in their house and set the alarm! What the fuck do I do now ???

Why were you all just eating scones and not discussing any of these things

Eat the fish while you use their landline to phone the police.

Is it just me or is all a bit Salvador Dali around here at the moment?

..and yes, they are a bit stupid to give housekeys to someone they don't know from Adam who just happens to cycle past their house sometimes. Fish are fine for ages without food, or they could have bought a feeding block.

I asked if I could call to the loo and when I've come back down they have gone!

That must have been some loo trip.

Do they have a landline? If so all is not lost - you can call for takeaway and crank open a window when it arrives.

Is the fridge well stocked?

Do they have a wine cellar?

**

Nah

Is this really a Burglary gone wrong thread?

But what is your friend going to be able to do, apart from give you a chance to admire her new hairdo?

Three coffees I'd be on the loo too.

Maybe they thought you'd gone and have posted the keys through your door?

Give us your address and we'll phone the emergency services for you.

No? Why not?

WTF - you popped to the loo and they buggered off??!

So they've persuaded a virtual stranger that they've only said hello to in passing to feed their fish while they are away, but they have buggered off while you were in the loo without leaving you keys or the alarm code .

It seems that someone has goldfish memory and it's not the fish.

Where are you OP should we see if a MN can come to rescue you?

Why did you go to the loo in your neighbour's house!?

I'm assuming because she needed to and not to purloin the contents of their medicine cabinet?

Not everybody is phobic about using other people's water closets.

Aside from the lack of keys, did they not tell you the alarm code? Since you'll be over feeding the fish?

I don't even know what my friend is even going to do to help when she gets here as I have no keys! I assumed they would give me them when I was leaving! I wasn't even in the loo that long just normal time it takes to have a poo . I'm worried to ring the police as il feel stupid if they turn up after 20 minutes realising what they've done but then surely they will be on the coach now on there way. They haven't given me a contact number and I'm assuming they don't have mobiles they are easily in their late 80's!! The utility room window opens but there's no way I'd fit through it . This is just fucking bizarre ! Surely they saw my bike outside and it's got my cigs in the basket ffs!!

We are going to need a diagram of the fish in the tank.

The alarm code will be written in their phone book by the phone under something semi-cryptic like Mr A.

The keys are in a pot or in a hook in a kitchen cupboard.

Disclaimer this may just be my house

Climb out the cat flap OP

This thread has made me chuckle although unfortunately I don't believe it! How long must you have been in the loo for them to have organised themselves, locked up and driven off?!