My neighbours are thick as fuck! I'm stuck in their house!

[squattingposition]

I can't even understood what's happened!! They've locked me in their house and set the alarm! What the fuck do I do now ???

Just how on earth did that happen?

If you're stuck in theirhouse you must have plenty of time to update the thread.

Oh God, please don't let this be a fucking "narrative of a cat" thread

It's going to be isn't it

Are you a cat, looking for an opportunistic free meal?

If this is the case, it is your own fault for being a little fluffy bastard.

Confused

Phone the police and tell us what they say I'm bored waiting in for a parcel won't you?

lol

Not place marking, not at all.

Oh God, please don't let this be a fucking "narrative of a cat" thread

People do that?!

I'm not even going to pretend I'm not placemarking to see wtf this is about

Just have your story ready for when you set the alarm and the police arrive?

If they don't believe your story about being locked in against your will, they may arrest you for trespass.

OP, you need to update/elaborate pretty bloody quickly, or the thread police and troll hunters will have conniptions. (And possibly rightly so.)

Hoping this is genuine and not placemarking

Huh?

(Yes, I am placemarking)

Definitely not placemarking.

Sorry was on the phone ! I came over to pick up the keys so I can feed their fish while they are away! I barely know them they have only just moved to the area and only spoke to them at their gate when I've rode past on my bike. They asked for me to nip over today for the keys and invited me in for a coffee which I ended up with about 3 and been here since 11am being forcefed scones if you don't know the syns it doesn't count . It was quite awkward as they were rushing around and bickering to each other. They had to be at the coach station at 1.45pm. I asked if I could call to the loo and when I've come back down they have gone!!! The doors are locked the windows are locked!! There's no keys anywhere and my battery is on 15%!!! I've rung my friend and she's going to drive down when she comes out of the hairdressers but she's miles away! How has this even happened!!

Are you a squirrel?

Totally not a placemark

blimey

Surely the door can be opened from the inside?

Huh?

So if they didn't leave the keys then you can't feed the fish whilst they're away. So I think the only solution is that you stay there for the duration of time that they're gone. Otherwise the fish will die and it will be all your fault