My girlfriend ditches my hen to go with husband to stag do: AIBU to consider dis-inviting them to the wedding?

[Restlessandwild]

Still trying to process but there it is. Last night was my hen do. Same time as my DHTB stag. All arranged long ago in my home town. Said friend invited to hen do, her DH to stag. They don't know my DHTB well but we have been friends since late teens (am 30yrs old). Her husband confirmed stag do attendance straight away. She made excuses (kids, etc) reg my hen. Today I find from other stags, etc that she actually tagged along with her DH with the stags?!? The only one there not a stripper and a wife, etc. Feel terrible, since they are essentially MY friends, but I had no idea. Just feel like picking up the phone and telling them to get lost and not bother coming to the wedding now... AIBU?

Seems a bit strange and wonder what the other stags made of it? Not sure if a total disinvite maybe a bit OTT, but maybe have a word with her? See how she is with that and then decide?

She sounds controlling!

A bit odd (and hurtful). I'd find out exactly what happened first; as in, did she understand that they were meant to be at different venues? Wtf did the blokes think when she turned up?! What about her partner? It's all a bit strange. Find out the details first and if it turns out she just couldn't be arsed then ditch her. Were you actually expecting her to turn up to your do? Had she eventually confirmed after all her excuses or not?

She doesn't trust him. Maybe she has good reason, maybe not. I feel a bit sorry for her either way. This isn't about you I'm sure.

It was made absolutely clear that there were to complete separate events. I didn't expect her at mine, since she made it clear that she couldn't find babysitter. Apparently her mum came over. The other stags wete quite stunned and it really upset the dynamic of the evening. As I can imagine it would have done if a husband turned up at my hen. I know she's very jealous of her DH but this?

Sorry, that was two separate events

Or alternatively .... she just prefairs the company of her partner to yours, perhaps she finds the idea of spending the evening with you or your friends not as interesting as spending it with the "lads".

Either way the fact that your are now considering "dis-inviting" her from your wedding is infantile and suggests that you're quite child like, which may explain her actions.

Best,
M.JD

She sounds....odd at best. Did none of the stags ask her what her problem was/had she grown a cock?

She must have real trust (possibly justified, possibly not) issues and her husband must have been so embarrassed.

Martin, I know you already know this and are just looking for a reaction but you realise she wasn't invited to the stag so she was way off turning up to it anyway.

Did she bring her child along to the stag do?

Sorry. Just referencing the current hen do thread!

@MartinJD that, of course, could be the case. I guess she must've just not really liked my company all these years. Then why the heck accept the wedding invite? What kind of a friend would that make her?

YANBU

Unbelievable that she turned up at the stag party.

perhaps she finds the idea of spending the evening with you or your friends not as interesting as spending it with the "lads".

Maybe so, but she wasn't invited out with the lads, so turning up there was rude.

Either way the fact that your are now considering "dis-inviting" her from your wedding is infantile

If, as you surmise, my friend didn't enjoy spending time in my company and preferred to gatecrash events at which they were clearly not going to be welcome, I wouldn't want them coming to my wedding either. I don't think that's childish - I wouldn't particularly want to play host to anyone who didn't actually like me under any circumstances.

She made excuses (kids, etc) reg my hen

well i'd want to know what happened then? was your hen a 'need to book'?

YANBU.,
MJD - child like? I would be pretty hurt of that happened to me. As would a lot of other people. Nothing child like about it.

I'd be furious frankly. Says it all about what she thinks of you and your friendship. She won't make the effort for your hen but will go and keep tabs on her other half on the stag.

My hen and DHs stag were on different weekends. On the night of the stag me and some friends had a girls night in, wine, chick flick, etc. I went home around midnight as I had work the next day, they all went into town and joined the stag party. I was fuming then and they hadn't even ditched me.

I'd talk to her, she what the hell she is playing at and what her excuses are before disinviting, but I'd seriously consider it.

The only one not a wife or a stripper ?

@Restless she sounds batshit.

Could we all start signing off like Martin?!

Best
E.W.A Leaf

This is why I loathe hen nights.

I don't blame you for being annoyed. She wasn't invited to the stag do so it was pretty rude of her to turn up especially considering this meant you knew she was lying about why she couldn't attend your hen do. I suspect that she intended to go to the stag do all along because she doesn't trust her DH.

Maybe she had to boob her husband to sleep?

Seriously who does that? In the bin with her.

Yes, I'd disinvite them.

Though I'd also be having second thoughts about marrying a man who goes to a strip club for his stag night.

You htb should take comfort in the fact they didn't bring the children

Anyfucker.... I wondered about that comment too. OP - ???