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My girlfriend ditches my hen to go with husband to stag do: AIBU to consider dis-inviting them to the wedding?

379 replies

Restlessandwild · 06/08/2017 20:24

Still trying to process but there it is. Last night was my hen do. Same time as my DHTB stag. All arranged long ago in my home town. Said friend invited to hen do, her DH to stag. They don't know my DHTB well but we have been friends since late teens (am 30yrs old). Her husband confirmed stag do attendance straight away. She made excuses (kids, etc) reg my hen. Today I find from other stags, etc that she actually tagged along with her DH with the stags?!? The only one there not a stripper and a wife, etc. Feel terrible, since they are essentially MY friends, but I had no idea. Just feel like picking up the phone and telling them to get lost and not bother coming to the wedding now... AIBU?

OP posts:

Raindancer411 · 06/08/2017 20:27

Seems a bit strange and wonder what the other stags made of it? Not sure if a total disinvite maybe a bit OTT, but maybe have a word with her? See how she is with that and then decide?


NapQueen · 06/08/2017 20:29

She sounds controlling!


Ohmyfuck · 06/08/2017 20:30

A bit odd (and hurtful). I'd find out exactly what happened first; as in, did she understand that they were meant to be at different venues? Wtf did the blokes think when she turned up?! What about her partner? It's all a bit strange. Find out the details first and if it turns out she just couldn't be arsed then ditch her. Were you actually expecting her to turn up to your do? Had she eventually confirmed after all her excuses or not?


MrsPorth · 06/08/2017 20:31

She doesn't trust him. Maybe she has good reason, maybe not. I feel a bit sorry for her either way. This isn't about you I'm sure.


Restlessandwild · 06/08/2017 20:35

It was made absolutely clear that there were to complete separate events. I didn't expect her at mine, since she made it clear that she couldn't find babysitter. Apparently her mum came over. The other stags wete quite stunned and it really upset the dynamic of the evening. As I can imagine it would have done if a husband turned up at my hen. I know she's very jealous of her DH but this?

OP posts:

Restlessandwild · 06/08/2017 20:38

Sorry, that was two separate events

OP posts:

MartinJD · 06/08/2017 20:38

Or alternatively .... she just prefairs the company of her partner to yours, perhaps she finds the idea of spending the evening with you or your friends not as interesting as spending it with the "lads".

Either way the fact that your are now considering "dis-inviting" her from your wedding is infantile and suggests that you're quite child like, which may explain her actions.



RuggerHug · 06/08/2017 20:43

She sounds....odd at best. Did none of the stags ask her what her problem was/had she grown a cock?


FuzzyOwl · 06/08/2017 20:44

She must have real trust (possibly justified, possibly not) issues and her husband must have been so embarrassed.


RuggerHug · 06/08/2017 20:44

Martin, I know you already know this and are just looking for a reaction but you realise she wasn't invited to the stag so she was way off turning up to it anyway.


EggysMom · 06/08/2017 20:46

Did she bring her child along to the stag do? Grin

Sorry. Just referencing the current hen do thread!


Restlessandwild · 06/08/2017 20:46

@MartinJD that, of course, could be the case. I guess she must've just not really liked my company all these years. Then why the heck accept the wedding invite? What kind of a friend would that make her?

OP posts:

Mumof56 · 06/08/2017 20:46


Unbelievable that she turned up at the stag party.


DoJo · 06/08/2017 20:47

perhaps she finds the idea of spending the evening with you or your friends not as interesting as spending it with the "lads".

Maybe so, but she wasn't invited out with the lads, so turning up there was rude.

Either way the fact that your are now considering "dis-inviting" her from your wedding is infantile

If, as you surmise, my friend didn't enjoy spending time in my company and preferred to gatecrash events at which they were clearly not going to be welcome, I wouldn't want them coming to my wedding either. I don't think that's childish - I wouldn't particularly want to play host to anyone who didn't actually like me under any circumstances.


Nearly10to9 · 06/08/2017 20:47

She made excuses (kids, etc) reg my hen

well i'd want to know what happened then? was your hen a 'need to book'?


JellyBellies · 06/08/2017 20:47

MJD - child like? I would be pretty hurt of that happened to me. As would a lot of other people. Nothing child like about it.


BarryTheKestrel · 06/08/2017 20:47

I'd be furious frankly. Says it all about what she thinks of you and your friendship. She won't make the effort for your hen but will go and keep tabs on her other half on the stag.

My hen and DHs stag were on different weekends. On the night of the stag me and some friends had a girls night in, wine, chick flick, etc. I went home around midnight as I had work the next day, they all went into town and joined the stag party. I was fuming then and they hadn't even ditched me.

I'd talk to her, she what the hell she is playing at and what her excuses are before disinviting, but I'd seriously consider it.


AnyFucker · 06/08/2017 20:47

The only one not a wife or a stripper ? Hmm


EngagedWithALeaf · 06/08/2017 20:48

@Restless she sounds batshit.

Could we all start signing off like Martin?!

E.W.A Leaf


friedegs · 06/08/2017 20:48

This is why I loathe hen nights.


Roomster101 · 06/08/2017 20:50

I don't blame you for being annoyed. She wasn't invited to the stag do so it was pretty rude of her to turn up especially considering this meant you knew she was lying about why she couldn't attend your hen do. I suspect that she intended to go to the stag do all along because she doesn't trust her DH.


troodiedoo · 06/08/2017 20:51

Maybe she had to boob her husband to sleep?

Seriously who does that? In the bin with her.


RiverTam · 06/08/2017 20:51

Yes, I'd disinvite them.

Though I'd also be having second thoughts about marrying a man who goes to a strip club for his stag night.


Mumof56 · 06/08/2017 20:51

You htb should take comfort in the fact they didn't bring the children


HappyCamperZZZ · 06/08/2017 20:52

Anyfucker.... I wondered about that comment too. OP - ???

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