My girlfriend ditches my hen to go with husband to stag do: AIBU to consider dis-inviting them to the wedding?

[Restlessandwild]

Still trying to process but there it is. Last night was my hen do. Same time as my DHTB stag. All arranged long ago in my home town. Said friend invited to hen do, her DH to stag. They don't know my DHTB well but we have been friends since late teens (am 30yrs old). Her husband confirmed stag do attendance straight away. She made excuses (kids, etc) reg my hen. Today I find from other stags, etc that she actually tagged along with her DH with the stags?!? The only one there not a stripper and a wife, etc. Feel terrible, since they are essentially MY friends, but I had no idea. Just feel like picking up the phone and telling them to get lost and not bother coming to the wedding now... AIBU?

Jesus, she must have serious jealousy issues. And all the stags must have thought she was completely batshit. What did your DHTB make of this? Why didn't he tell you about it earlier?

She sounds a bit strange tbh.

Regards
M.F.Silky

What a good idea.
Yours
R. F. F. Dent (Ms)

happy - I reckon that comment is probably missing some punctuation - ie 'the only women there not a stripper, and a wife'

Best regards,

Pigface B.A. (Oxon)

I suspect this has much more to do with her marriage and feelings about her husband than it does about you. I reckon this is about massive trust issues. She probably didn't want him to go either. A case of 'if you go I'll come too' to embarrass him out of going which didn't work but had to be followed through...

Restlessandwild : It is difficult to turn down a wedding invite from someone you've known for a long time, even if you hate them.

Of course she may not hate you but may just find you and or your friends a bit boring? Don't worry about it.

Best,
M.JD.

She's a weirdo, and insulting!

Yours sincerely,

M. M.

It's an unwritten rule on stag and hen do's. No people of the opposite sex unless specifically invited or strippers!!! Defo no spouses or friends spouses. Cod on, it's 1 night ffs. She could of just let the lads get on with it. Why would you ever want to be 'that girl' who tags along to everything with the OH who everyone secretly hates.

Yours Truly,
MsWanaBanana

Even if I absolutely LOATHED a person, if I'd been invited to their wedding and hen do there's no way on earth I could ever think 'stag sounds more fun, I'll go to that instead'. I'm all for members of the opposite sex attending hens and stags but it's just bloody rude. Beyond rude. Bananas.

Best wishes,
K. Putt

poster Nearly10to9 both hen and stag were fully paid for by ourselves (a bit unusual, I know, but a few of our friends aren't exactly flush and we are relatively well-off so wanted everyone to have a good time). So numbers and places weren't an issue: she could've come along at any point (just like she did to the stag)!

And, luckily no, she left kids at home with her mum (so I was told).

How did she behave on the night out? Did she have a laugh and join in with drinking, or sit there with a sour face, not letting her DH enjoy himself?

Sincerely
B.C

Yes, don't worry about the possibility that your friend secretly finds you really dull and would rather not attend your hen do 😂

I still don't understand the stripper or wife comment.

It does sound like there's trust issues with her and her partner.

Best regards,
Shadow666 💩

Odd. And awkward.

Trusting this meets with your approval,
P.P.

That's bizarre.

I have an acquaintance who wasn't invited to my (incredibly small low key) hen do. Her boyfriend ended up being awkwardly invited along to DHs (equally low key curry and drink in the pub) stag do by someone else on a different night. About an hour in to drinks acquaintance turned up to see what her boyfriend "was up to" and ended up hanging around for a couple of hours. Awkward as arse. No one had a clue what to do. Boyfriend didn't know she was coming and wasn't at all impressed.

She's odd but has no form for controlling or weird behaviour so she might have been making a point about not going to mine. But I don't really like her, or him, so you know...

Oh forgot:

Yours sincerely

Rt. Hon. Baroness Twatyer

Oh Martin, please do us all a favour and fuck off?

Can someone explain what is with all the weird sign offs please?!

On what planet is this acceptable?

Yours
Faerie Queene R

Very odd but not as odd as your husband to be inviting someone he doesn't know to his stag? And the guy accepting? Stag do's are for good friends / relatives of groom, not randoms the stag doesn't know?

Or maybe she did the dirty so wasn't allowed on the hen?

Maybe she had to boob her husband to sleep?

But seriously, that's messed up and so disrespectful to you. Sounds like she has some major relationship issues, have you seen this surface in other ways?
I've known of some women like this in the past, so suspicious of their DP justified or not that it destroys their perspective and other relationships.

YANBU for being upset but it sounds like it's about her marriage. Maybe try to talk sympathetically to her about it?

I remain, Sir, your humble and obedient servant,

U.I.I.ShaggingArea, BA, MSc

It's Martin's thing, so we are copying. Perhaps he thinks we find it hard to read the username in bold.

OP you are probably right on about your friend's insecurity around her husband. However the proper thing to do would have been to leave her DH at home babysitting while she attended your hen do. She is your friend and her DH was invited only because he is her husband.
I would ask her what was going on and hear her explanation. Tell her you were disappointed she didn't attend your do. Then decide what to do. Personally I would let her attend the wedding but keep her at arm's length thereafter unless her explanation made really good sense.
OP disregard Martin's comments. He makes disagreeable , potentially hurtful comments on many threads (yours is the second I've read tonight) in hope of bites.
Good luck for your wedding -- hope it goes well and you have good weather