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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU in wanting people to leave off Adult Gamers?

216 replies

Huffletuff · 06/08/2017 16:55

Following on from a couple of threads recently, people have expressed their distaste for adults that play games. There have been names thrown around such as "man-child" and insults such as immature and childish.

AIBU in thinking that gaming is actually a pretty awesome hobby to have? People read and watch movies and nothing derogatory is said. Gaming involves reading, similar-to-movie story and experiential play, like actually participating in a film.

In tabletop and role-playing gaming such as D&D, imagination is key and experiences are social too, same as a lot of online computer games.

It's harmless, fun, sometimes educational, works the brain and is brilliant for coordination skills. DH and I are avid gamers. We both have consoles and DS very much enjoys them too. Certainly hasn't done him any harm, in fact it's helped his reading and reasoning skills no end.

What I don't understand the most is that people have derogatory things to say about something they either have never experienced, or do not enjoy themselves. Why would somebody slate a hobby that other people clearly enjoy? It's just a nasty thing to do, especially if it has no effect on them.

Also, as a lot of games are rated 18+ and a lot of tabletop and RPGs are quite complicated, they certainly aren't for children anyway.

Utterly bizarre.

OP posts:
Krisis · 07/08/2017 03:20

YANBU. I work in the industry and it frustrates me completely. The video games industry is bigger than the movie and music industry combined.

Gamers are not all people sitting in darkened rooms, who eat junk food and don't meet people. So many people are gamers and they don't realise..if you play candy crush or words with friends - you're a gamer!

HadronCollider · 07/08/2017 03:25

Splatoon is fab! Bloody addictive stuff. I would suggest giving anyone with criticism theBiscuit.

HadronCollider · 07/08/2017 03:36

Hapaxlegomenon If you can't beat them, join themGrin. No need to be resentfully watching on the sidelines. By your posts, I have you down as a Call of Duty girl. You'd slay!

araiwa · 07/08/2017 04:37

Gaming is great if youre on your own or a social activity with friends/family and can be done regardless of age

One of my favourite memories of my grandmother is her trying to play sonic on my megadrive

WiganPierre · 07/08/2017 06:34

Good job he was finished having fun if he wanted to be stuck with you.

We have plenty of fun together and none of it involves gaming. But thanks for your concern.

RubaDubMum89 · 07/08/2017 06:36

There's alot to be said for social gaming. Before DD me and DP gamed alot together on ps3/4 and had great fun doing it. For you gaming couples, Resident Evil 5 is a great two player. When we did single player games we passed the pad when one of us died.

For the times when we didn't have alot of money especially a gaming night was fantastic. We crack out the Monopoly every Christmas so what's the difference really? (Apart from ps3/4 being more fun haha).

There's a ridiculouse view of gamers from those that see it as the root of all evil, yes I agree in children, too much screen time is not great, however, does that count for educational stuff? Eg. I had a maths game on the pc as a child that really helped me (my DM couldn't add up to save her life, no DF to help).

As adult gamers, we're fully functional people. I worked from 16 until I had DD and gamed, I had/have an active social life and game, I went to college and university as an adult gamer, I finished my degree with DD and as an adult gamer. My house is as much as it can be with a baby clean, DDs stimulated all day all as an adult gamer! Shock horror!

Foxley11 · 07/08/2017 06:55

My husband is a tabletop roleplayer and is definitely not the stereotypical gamer. In fact he's made himself a unique online presence out of his non-stereotypical image.
In reply to the OP, it's just another example

Hapaxlegomenon · 07/08/2017 07:56

Albertschair if someone is gaming a lot you often have to interrupt them to do other things. I don't see him very much but he might spend the whole evening gaming, but I might have to interrupt him to lay the table. It's certainly not to be attention seeking! In my opinion he is quite addicted to it because other hobbies of other people don't seem to interfere with their lives or family that much. For example, if my mum is reading a book, and I say 'the sun has come out, we could go for a walk!' Then the book can wait over the social activity. For my brother the game would always take priority so unfortunately he misses out.

I know he and others we know enjoy the gaming, but I've not seen evidence of any positive impact on their lives because of it, only negative, which is why I hate it.

Nancy91 · 07/08/2017 07:56

Hapax and Wigan, I think you should refer to my attention seeker theory near the beginning of the thread Grin

Hapaxlegomenon · 07/08/2017 07:58

HadronCollider haha thanks! I have actually tried my hand at 'COD' and I'm not a bad shot Grin

MiaowTheCat · 07/08/2017 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiaowTheCat · 07/08/2017 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nancy91 · 07/08/2017 08:15

Miaow I was never into Zelda until Breath of the Wild, it's worth getting a switch for that! Also I never played Splatoon but now I find myself playing it in bed every night. Trying to justify the Switch on behalf of your husband Grin

Hapaxlegomenon · 07/08/2017 08:20

Guepe

Hapaxlegomenon - you sound like a real princess.

Guepe the OP asked why people are derogatory about adult gaming. I'm answering why I don't like it, which is a reason a lot of people don't. Don't know why it makes me a princess Confused

YouTheCat · 07/08/2017 08:23

It doesn't really answer it though. You mentioned one person who sounds like he spends a lot of time gaming. Most gamers aren't like that.

Tbh yours and Wigan's posts do sound like you're looking down your nose at those who enjoy games, though I appreciate that that might not have been your intention.

WhatdoImean · 07/08/2017 08:30

Something to add to this....

Apart from the video game set, and the role-play set, there is a thriving hobby for board games. Board games can be REALLY fun and involve the whole family (and yes, things have moved on a LOT since the days of family arguments over Monopoly!!). If you have not played family games like Catan or Carcassonne, and you LIKE games, then you are probably missing out.

Board games (hell, ANY games) can be incredibly social as a hobby. My partner and I play social games with friends, and solo games by ourselves.

FWIW, I am in my 60s, been playing games since I was young (starting at Cluedo and moving through D&D, Rolemaster, SFB (for those who like rulebooks that can sink a battleship), WoW, Heroes Online and Catan etc.).

I met my partner through gaming and (in the 80s) it was viewed so negatively you would not believe. For anyone into role-playing games at that point may remember the Christian Panic over D&D and "the occult". I think it MAY be that a lot of the stereotypes from the 80s still hang over with some of the "more mature" readers here. In those days, being a woman and walking into a gaming shop was an... experience. These days, thankfully, there are nearly as many women playing as men.

Long-winded way to say 1) Things were bad "in the olden days", 2) Things are better now) and 3) Games can be fun and social, but ANY hobby that takes over your life be it games, running, cycling etc. can be bad.

MidnightAura · 07/08/2017 08:52

Yanbu. I find a lot of people arenquite snooty about adult gaming, particularly if you are a female gamer. I don't tend to tell people I'm a gamer because most of them give you "that look" and usually make a snide comment or two.

The way I see it though is gaming is an outlet. Growing up I was in hospital a lot and gaming gave me the chance to do things I would never have been able to do in real life. It helped me forget all the bad stuff.

I still game now as does my DH. A lot of games we play together, some separate. I must be strange because there are some games I enjoy watching him play.

Genghi · 07/08/2017 09:11

Gaming is fun and unlike TV and movies is an entertainment industry that's genuinely growing. I think a lot of people tend to be stuck in the dark ages with anything they like to do considered good, and anything a bit different 'bad'. That kind of attitude is wrong.

HadronCollider · 07/08/2017 09:11

Ha! Hapaxlegomenon I knew it!!Grin Don't know who you're trying to fool. Someone with one of the coolest names I've seen on mumsnet is an undercover gamer for sure. You're like a Jedi whose afraid to embrace her destiny. Just imagine the devastation you and DH could wreck in Resident Evil! Deep down, you secretly know you'd be one of the best kick arse gamers out there and you fear the power. You hear the PlayStation calling you......don't resist.......answer it and give in to the dark side!!

Genghi · 07/08/2017 09:13

Gaming is fun and unlike TV and movies is an entertainment industry that's genuinely growing. I think a lot of people tend to be stuck in the dark ages with anything they like to do considered good, and anything a bit different 'bad'. That kind of attitude is wrong.

JacquesHammer · 07/08/2017 09:15

Hapaxlegomenon I agree. Thankfully my husband had stopped gaming by the time he met me! Otherwise I never would have dated him

And this is just the sneering attitude that is so unpleasant.

I know some amazing gamers who do fantastic things for a games based charity.

My bf makes games. He's creative, intelligent and interesting. His hobby makes him his living

What's the difference between games and any other hobby?

WhatdoImean · 07/08/2017 09:15

Oh - and one more thing....

If you want to really get a divorce moving, try playing "Portal" in co-op mode :-) :-)

"No - I said use the ORANGE goo over there!"

WhatdoImean · 07/08/2017 09:16

Oh - and if you want to risk a divorce, try playing "Portal 2" in co-op mode :-)

Zaurak · 07/08/2017 09:19

Dh is Into gaming online.

He's also a kind, considerate, responsible man. An excellent husband, an amazing father. As far away from the neck beard/manchild stereotype as you can get. Responsible professional job, high earner, equal contribution to parenting and housework.
I'm currently undergoing a miscarriage and he's spent the whole weekend looking after me and ds.

Gaming is the same as any other pastime or hobby. Done sensibly it's fun, relaxing and a mentally healthy thing to do. Done to extremes it's not.

But that goes for any hobby - witness the number of cycling widows on here.

RhubardGin · 07/08/2017 09:31

My OH is a gamer.

It's actually great because I can catch up on all my brain melting rubbish telly in peace and he gets to play games and chill out for an hour or two.

It's only once or twice a week and he's not addicted or chooses it over "us" time.

It works for us Smile

Although on MN a man having any sort of hobby is severely frowned upon 😂

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