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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have said she's raising psychopaths.

568 replies

OohMavis · 05/08/2017 19:22

My friend and I have fallen out.

She has zero empathy for any type of animal or living thing other than herself and her children, basically. I find that utterly baffling and quite upsetting, and I don't think I'm unreasonable in that respect, but I might have overstepped a mark a bit by saying this, and I want some opinions.

She was here yesterday with her two children so our children could play together. They were playing in the garden, we were sitting out with them, chatting. DD came running to me, excited, saying she'd found a really big beetle, asking for me to come and see. She's 3 and obsessed with mini beasts. My friend's children overheard and came to see too. They ran ahead of me and my friend followed behind, by the time we'd arrived her son had STOMPED on this beautiful stag beetle (I think) and killed it Angry

DD was so fucking upset. Honestly, it was just such an unecessary thing to do. The kid is 7. It's inexcusable. I reacted, raised my voice a bit and said "Why did you do that?!" he just laughed and said he wanted to stand on it. I said that's a really nasty thing to do. Then bent down to see if he'd 'popped its head off'. He had, he was quite pleased with himself. His mother said nothing, I looked at her for a response and got a half-shrug.

DD was in tears by this point so I took her back to where we were sitting and friend joined me. I was comforting DD. She said, "I think they get it from me, they just don't like animals"
I replied, "well that's fine but they shouldn't kill them"
"Well it's not like it was a cat or something"
And this is where I got a bit angry and said "yes well it starts off that way doesn't it, with that attitude you're raising two psycopaths"

She was obviously offended. Sat there for twenty more minutes with a look on her face before making an excuse and leaving, awkwardly. Got a text later saying she thought I was completely out of order calling her kids psycopaths, kids step on insects and I'm overreacting. I didn't reply. She texted again telling me I'm a hypocrite since I'm not even vegetarian Hmm and she doesn't think she'll be coming again.

WIBU to mention the word psychopath. I was angry, it may have been over the top, but I still think it.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 05/08/2017 19:23

I think you had a fair point tbh.

Pengggwn · 05/08/2017 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fortheloveofscience · 05/08/2017 19:26

YANBU. That's really shocking behaviour from mother and child. I couldn't be friends with someone like that, well done for saying something.

Your DD sounds great btw.

EarlessToothlessVagabond · 05/08/2017 19:26

I think you were a bit OTT yes. I say that as a huge animal lover.

You can't bandy the word 'psychopath' around tbh. I would have said something myself but not accused her/her dc of being psychopaths.

AmysTiara · 05/08/2017 19:26

Her kids sound horrible. You're well rid.

Bobbiepin · 05/08/2017 19:26

I would definitely back you up but I also hate when DH kills spiders so I might be particularly sensitive to this.

ludothedog · 05/08/2017 19:28

I think you were right too but there is no coming back from saying that she is raising psychopaths. just say goodbye to the friendship and move on.

SolomanDaisy · 05/08/2017 19:29

I think this is a tricky one to teach kids. It's ok to squash a mosquito or wash a spider down the sink, but not to stomp on a ladybird. Kids not getting that, because actually it's not logical, doesn't make them psychopaths. Are you raising your kids vegan?

SerfTerf · 05/08/2017 19:30

She texted again telling me I'm a hypocrite since I'm not even vegetarian

Not that old chestnut again 🙄

Because it's one or the other isn't it? Either slaughter everything viciously or go veggie?

Jessiecat27 · 05/08/2017 19:30

I used to love looking at nature with my cousin from a young age, woodlice are some of my favourites! She's evil if she thinks it's okay and she should be teaching her children to leave all animals and creatures alone, if they don't like them then leave them alone! Poor thing wasn't doing any harm, really upsets me too! Good on you!

Farmerswife4life1984 · 05/08/2017 19:30

I think saying phychopaths was a tad ott but yanbu for being upset that her kids stamped on the beetle .

MoonfaceAndSilky · 05/08/2017 19:31

Yanbu, hopefully she'll be shocked enough into doing something about her precious little darlings, probably not though Sad

ItsNachoCheese · 05/08/2017 19:32

I agree with you op. Theres accidentally squashing a bug then there is doing what that little boy did

mumzilla88 · 05/08/2017 19:33

Stepping on a bug does not make a child a psychopath im shocked that you labelled a child a psychopath.
I work with what you call so bluntly psychopaths. Believe me there's more to it than bug squashing!
I would confront her on her lack of response to the child's behaviour not label the child. Bit of a shame that you lost a friendship over this you couldn't of been particularly close tbh. This is very odd!

fassbendersmistress · 05/08/2017 19:33

I think the leap from beetle squishing child to psychopath was your undoing here. On that basis I think YWBU....however i arm with you in principle. Kids need to be taught respect for the world around them regardless of whether they like or fear other creatures. But you probably could have got your message across in a more subtle way.

peekyboo · 05/08/2017 19:34

She stayed for another 20 minutes and she's texted about it. If you wanted to you could probably discuss it with her, even if she's angry and upset about it. And maybe do some good in the end?

FWIW I don't think you were being too unreasonable, but it would still hurt her feelings, especially if she felt safe enough to be herself in front of you (ie not care about the beetle-killing) and then had to face being told off about it.

Original poster
OohMavis · 05/08/2017 19:35

No, we eat meat, in moderation. But I teach them respect for living things.

OP posts:
HummingSloth · 05/08/2017 19:36

YANBU - horrible to see DC taking pleasure in causing animals pain, and her reaction Hmm

Mrskeats · 05/08/2017 19:39

Totally with you on this op, bloody horrible thing to do. I'm scared of spiders but would put one outside rather than kill it.

whosafraidofthebigbadwolf · 05/08/2017 19:39

I know someone who took great delight in this kind of thing, was never corrected by his mother and went on to torture and rape his sibling.

I think a 7 year old can't be blamed for this behaviour, but his parent certainly should be managing it and clearly isn't.

LumpySpaceCow · 05/08/2017 19:39

YANBU.
It was a cruel thing to do. He did it purposely to upset your DD which is what I would have a massive issue with. Your friend should have said something to him, mainly for doing something purposely to upset another, younger child.

Iknowacrackingowlsanctuary · 05/08/2017 19:40

Totally agree with you. I absolutely hate harming animals just for the sake of it, I get very twitchy when I see people who allow their children to chase birds, etc.

Psychopath may have been a tad strong but the sentiment is the same. She's raising children who have no compassion for other living things.

Spangles1963 · 05/08/2017 19:40

Maybe psychopaths was the wrong choice of word to use,but I totally get where you're coming from. I hate it when people bring their children up like this. If they think it's ok to stamp on a stag beetle,then it won't be long before they are kicking cats,or ill treating dogs.

ClashCityRocker · 05/08/2017 19:40

So there was a thread about the best way to kill spiders on here last night but today kids who step on bugs are psychopaths?

I don't disagree that they should have been bought to task for deliberately stepping on the beetle op. I don't think it makes them psychopaths though.

Floggingmolly · 05/08/2017 19:42

I'd have been glad of an excuse to see the back of her, she sounds awful.