to have said she's raising psychopaths.

[OohMavis]

My friend and I have fallen out.

She has zero empathy for any type of animal or living thing other than herself and her children, basically. I find that utterly baffling and quite upsetting, and I don't think I'm unreasonable in that respect, but I might have overstepped a mark a bit by saying this, and I want some opinions.

She was here yesterday with her two children so our children could play together. They were playing in the garden, we were sitting out with them, chatting. DD came running to me, excited, saying she'd found a really big beetle, asking for me to come and see. She's 3 and obsessed with mini beasts. My friend's children overheard and came to see too. They ran ahead of me and my friend followed behind, by the time we'd arrived her son had STOMPED on this beautiful stag beetle (I think) and killed it

DD was so fucking upset. Honestly, it was just such an unecessary thing to do. The kid is 7. It's inexcusable. I reacted, raised my voice a bit and said "Why did you do that?!" he just laughed and said he wanted to stand on it. I said that's a really nasty thing to do. Then bent down to see if he'd 'popped its head off'. He had, he was quite pleased with himself. His mother said nothing, I looked at her for a response and got a half-shrug.

DD was in tears by this point so I took her back to where we were sitting and friend joined me. I was comforting DD. She said, "I think they get it from me, they just don't like animals"
I replied, "well that's fine but they shouldn't kill them"
"Well it's not like it was a cat or something"
And this is where I got a bit angry and said "yes well it starts off that way doesn't it, with that attitude you're raising two psycopaths"

She was obviously offended. Sat there for twenty more minutes with a look on her face before making an excuse and leaving, awkwardly. Got a text later saying she thought I was completely out of order calling her kids psycopaths, kids step on insects and I'm overreacting. I didn't reply. She texted again telling me I'm a hypocrite since I'm not even vegetarian and she doesn't think she'll be coming again.

WIBU to mention the word psychopath. I was angry, it may have been over the top, but I still think it.

Sorry pressed post too early! I agree that it is disturbing behaviour and my DH and I even talked amongst ourselves about him being a psychopath! However I wouldn't have said that to his parents outright as they're friends - not sure how you'd come back from that! I did tell my kids and Him off loudly for the parents to hear.
However if the mum had said "who cares" about it I may have said something about it not being normal behaviour
In short you're prob well shot and don't need that kid as a friend to yours

OP you seem surprised that a mother might be offended by you calling her children psychopaths.
Wouldn't anyone?

You sound a little lacking in self awareness.

Honestly, you can't hope to get shirty over those comments when you effectively insulted her parenting and kids first. I don't disagree with your feelings on what this lad did but as I said earlier, using the word 'psychopath' to his mother was never going to be well received. You could have easily made the same point without using it. She then made inroads to communication (are you ignoring me?) and you responded by firmly rejecting her. That's got to hurt.

Good for you. I hate that people don't teach their kids to respect living things. Even if you'dont like animals' you can't brutally kill them. WTF?!?

Can posters please read at least OP's posts? The comment was not about the kid but about the mum, OP never called kid a psychopath but suggested that if the mother continued parenting like this (i.e. without condoning cruelty or in fact bullying of younger children), she might RAISE a psychopath. It was about the mother's parenting style and the fact that not only she does not care, but that she also seems to think it is perfectly normal to get excited about torturing animals or emotionally hurting younger kids. Mother never stopped either, despite OP's 3yo-daughter being very distressed. As a minimum, even if you consider that stepping on bugs is normal behaviour (even when it is done like that, on purpose and checking that is gruesome), the mum should have told him off for upsetting OP's daughter. If this weren't about a bug but about, let's say, a flower or a sandcastle, OP's daughter finds either on a walk outside, she's amazed at the size/colour/shape, she goes to call mum, then on way back 7yo decides to destroy it before 3yo can show it to mum... would you think that the boy at least deserved a reprimand from his mum for upsetting OP's daughter on purpose and destroy something just to make her upset? Would you think this kid is being raised without empathy for others if he were laughing at OP's daughter reaction and also checking that all the castle had been put flat and any shells were broken to dust or that the flower had all the petals smashed? Well, I would think he needed to be told off for emotional bullying of the 3yo and for taking pleasure on destroying something that was giving joy and excitement to other person. If I add to the mix the fact that what he destroyed was a living creature, it just makes it worse. Kid needed to be told off and the mum's reaction is condoning his liking for destroying things, his attitude to other's suffering, a bullying personality and cruelty against living creatures. That is not healthy and it definitely is antisocial behaviour in the making at the very very least.

Well done, OP, you are better off without her. It really is not about the bug, is about the way he hurt your daughter on purpose and the fact that he lacks respect and sympathy. That is not a good mix and I would be concerned if my kids were playing with him.

Brilliantly put jedimum!

I'd rather have a child that turned out to be a 'bit gay' than one that enjoyed torturing animals.

I can understand why your friend was upset.

I say that as a vegetarian.

What a horrible situation for you and DD. Think you were totally in the right.

The boy was in the wrong by steping on the insect, but you were in the wrong by suggesting he was a potential psycho. He's a child, what's your excuse OP?

You need to get a grip......

than one that enjoyed torturing animals

He stood on an insect. He did not torture animals. Could we stick with reality perhaps?

OP never called kid a psychopath

Well she did. She said "you are raising 2 psychopaths". That is calling him a psychopath.

" She said "you are raising 2 psychopaths". That is calling him a psychopath."

No, that means you're raising them to be psychopaths. Doesn't necessarily mean the children are already psychopaths.

No, you're wrong. It says you are raising two psychopaths, meaning that is what they already are.
If you said you are raising 2 boys you would not mean they are going to turn into boys at some point.

I'm with you on this op. You are well rid.

"No, you're wrong. It says you are raising two psychopaths, meaning that is what they already are. "

Well, you can't just say I'm wrong. You'd have to ask OP what she actually meant, but for me it's clear that 'you're raising two psychopaths' means you're raising them to be psychopaths (at some potential future date).

Your example of 'raising two boys' is different.

"You are raising 2 psychopaths" means just that. They are psychopaths and she is raising them.

If she meant to communicate that she they will by psychopaths by the time she has finished raising them she could have said "They will end up being psychopaths."

It doesn't matter what OP says on here what she meant. She made the communication to the ex friend and it was a simple sentence with a straight forward meaning.

Bloody awful. If my 7yo DS had deliberately killed a creature of any kind for amusement, he'd be getting a serious talking to. But I couldn't imagine it ever occurring to him to do it, and if a friend of his did, he'd be terribly upset.
You didn't say her child was a psychopath but rather that she was raising him to be one. And she is. Teaching compassion and respect is an essential part of parenting that is apparently passing her by.
I wouldn't want a friend like this and I wouldn't want my child exposed to people who are happy to inflict casual cruelty.