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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband says I am punching above my weight

216 replies

Maybeoneday77 · 31/07/2017 06:41

Just looking to clarify something here. Yesterday my husband said he thinks i am punching above my weight. He is very into fitness and spends a lot of time on the gym. I have 3 small children, one is 6mths and I admit I have 16 pounds of baby weight to lose and don't feel good about myself at the moment.
He says it was a "nothing" comment and can't understand why I am so upset.
Who's he unreasonable twat here?

OP posts:
Weebo · 31/07/2017 11:18

He's a pig.

Lizzylou · 31/07/2017 11:26

AtHome, so what was your excuse for having to go to Slimming World? Don't make comments about things you have no experience of.
Yes, 6 stone is a large amount to gain but I gained 5 with DS2 even though I was very mindful of diet and exercise. It was half gone a week after the birth as a lot of it was water weight (and DS2 and his placenta was huge).
Op, your DH is a massive arse, what an awful thing to say.

BillBrysonsBeard · 31/07/2017 11:40

Athome Well it was 8 stone all together Grinbut I've lost 2 in the last 2 months. It was put on over 3 years, two pregnancies, the sleep deprived months after I craved sugar and then losing my dad just made it spiral out of control. Glad my DP is more understanding than you would be though. His reaction to me has never changed.

albanie · 31/07/2017 11:46

What a horrible thing to say absolute prick

AtHomeDadGlos · 31/07/2017 11:48

Bill I'm not trying to be cruel, so I apologise for offending you. It's just that I think 6 stone is a lot to be overweight by.

A log time ago I lost 6 stone through diet and exercise and then put some back on so over the last 6 months with my wife I've been losing weight. Not for her or anyone else, but for my own health and because I want to be around for as long as possible for my DD and soon to be (hopefully) DC.

It can be difficult to be called out over your weight, happened to me once from some total strangers and I thought they were very rude. However, a few years down the line, and with some perspective, I can see they were correct. Being 6 stone overweight is problematic for your health. It's great that your DH loves you and compliments you, but you should, for your own health and for the benefit of your DC, continue to seek to lose it. Good luck.

AnUtterIdiot · 31/07/2017 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleMinionMummy · 31/07/2017 12:00

And who's looking after his kids whilst he's at the gym Hmm

What a prick. You need to seriously call him out on this. I'd probably tell him he's free to divorce me if I'm not up to his gym bunny standards and book him an appt with a solicitor. Doubt he'll go but it might make him realise you won't be taking of that shit.

I hope you're ok. It can be very cutting to receive such remarks from your partner.

AtHomeDadGlos · 31/07/2017 12:06

Thanks for that - I'm well aware of what baby weight consists of and the reasons for accruing it. I'm simply saying that 6 stone is a lot to be overweight by, and it's unhealthy.

There's an attitude in society that you 'are what you are' whereas, in reality, obesity is a ticking time bomb not only for your own health but also for the NHS.

The people who confronted me about my weight were odd balls, who clearly had no sense of social limits. I didn't heed their advice but, a few years later when I decided for my own health reasons to lose weight, I reflected on their comments and decided that, on balance, they were correct. I'm not saying that obese people should be shamed and hounded but simply saying 'you're beautiful as you are' ignores the reality of the situation.

And before everyone jumps down my throat, I'm not saying an obese person can't be beautiful and I know that beauty is more than just what's on the outside. My point is that obesity is bad for your health and like smoking and excessive drinking etc should be actively discouraged by society.

waitforitfdear · 31/07/2017 12:13

balsamic

Guessing the op knows a joke when she hears one and can judge for herself if that's a joke which was acceptable and in context with their relationship.

Clearly it wasn't and isn't and saying cruel spiteful and undermining comments to your partner is vile behaviour.

Dad

Don't think anyone is saying obesity is healthy but comments like the ops dh is not a comment of a loving supportive partner.

If he was trying to be supportive he would be having the kids while she went to the gym or out for a walk.

He's an arsehole

AtHomeDadGlos · 31/07/2017 12:17

I agree that OP's DH is a prick for that comment. And I originally said that he should support her in losing weight (if that's what she wants).

Lizzylou · 31/07/2017 12:19

AtHome you weren't/hadn't been pregnant though. Some women do gain a lot more in pregnancy than others. For various reasons. So singling out a poster and commenting on her pregnancy weight gain is really not very helpful.

waitforitfdear · 31/07/2017 12:29

Ok Dad fair comment Smile

pigsDOfly · 31/07/2017 12:40

Bloody hell AtHomeDad your posts are a bit patronising.

Lecturing a woman about her baby weight, really?

You have no idea why she put the weight on, what her circumstances or anything about her. But I'm sure she'll feel so much more able to go out there and deal with it, now that you've explained it all to her.

Must be wonderful to have such insight into others' lives.

AnUtterIdiot · 31/07/2017 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillBrysonsBeard · 31/07/2017 12:56

You are being very patronising AtHome, an unpleasant side effect of being an ex-addict of something. I think most of us who gain this much weight know it's unhealthy. And when we are ready to lose it we lose it. But until then, it's nice to be loved unconditionally by the person we are spending our lives with.

safariboot · 31/07/2017 13:17

Context context context.

I'm surprised how many people are assuming OP's DH is insulting her appearance. He could be referring to physical looks (in which case he's a tosser), he could be referring to just about anything else. "Punching above your weight" can be used to describe just about anything doing better than would be expected.

CryingMessFFS · 31/07/2017 13:20

Punching above your weight is never a compliment. 99.9% of the time when someone says 'you're punching above your weight' they mean you are less attractive than your partner and your partner is out of your league. It was a twatty thing for her DH to say. Very nasty.

MudGolum · 31/07/2017 13:31

What a douche.

Some people don't mind certain body types sexy. And that's okay. My husband does NOT find women with a few extra pounds sexy. I recently had his child. I have a belly. He was cuddling with me, ran his hands over it, I pulled away. But he then told me how my belly is this way because I've brought our child into the world. And it's beautiful and I'm beautiful (I'm not, I'm weird looking with post baby body, bad posture and bags under my eyes)

Love's meant to be blind. You're not meant to judge each other like that. Punching above is such shit. You either work as a couple or don't. You can have the most well matched people in terms of similarities and there'd be no spark.

nina2b · 31/07/2017 13:35

Does he look like Tom Hardy?! Idiot.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 31/07/2017 13:37

What a charmer !

1ndigo · 31/07/2017 13:47

Loved user147's post at 09:37 Grin

OP he clearly thinks he's it. Very offputting and unattractive on so many levels.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 31/07/2017 13:49

What a dick Shock

eatabagofdicks · 31/07/2017 13:59

Asshole. Lovely that you've carried his babies and that's the commentary you get in return. Dickhead. Tell him he can fuck off. What he should be saying to you is 'my god you look amazing after growing THREE humans inside of you and the insane lack of sleep I know you've had. I'm a real bastard for being at the gym so much. I'm going to stay home today instead of staring at myself in the gym mirror, and look after the children I helped create and landed you with while I've been off flexing my biceps. You run along upstairs and go sit in bed with a sticky bun while I change the baby's nappy'.
Anything less than that is unacceptable.

picklemepopcorn · 31/07/2017 14:00

So I've only ever heard punching above your weight used as a compliment for someone or something which is very effective.

That said, I've never heard it used concerning relationships/couples.

I'd say there must be regional variation.

pigsDOfly · 31/07/2017 14:20

Seeing some of the interpretations of the expression 'punching above your weight' on here I'm beginning to wonder if it's yet another expression, like so many others, that has been turned on it's head to mean the complete opposite of the original meaning.

But even if as Pickleme says it means the person is being very effective I still can't see it as a compliment. In that context it's still saying that you've achieved an awful lot despite starting off as pretty crap: in other words 'punching above your weight'. That's a pretty back-handed sort of compliment.

And if you say that to your spouse, you're saying that you've achieved an awful lot by getting someone like me, despite the fact that you're not much of a looker, or whatever. Definitely not a compliment.

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