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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband says I am punching above my weight

216 replies

Maybeoneday77 · 31/07/2017 06:41

Just looking to clarify something here. Yesterday my husband said he thinks i am punching above my weight. He is very into fitness and spends a lot of time on the gym. I have 3 small children, one is 6mths and I admit I have 16 pounds of baby weight to lose and don't feel good about myself at the moment.
He says it was a "nothing" comment and can't understand why I am so upset.
Who's he unreasonable twat here?

OP posts:
FittonTower · 31/07/2017 07:46

If he said that he was punching above his weight that would be a compliment- it would mean he thought his partner was too Good for him. Saying to his partner that she is punching above her weight means he thinks he is too good for her. And that's a dicky thing to say, especially to a woman who only 6 months ago had his third child

Wishfulmakeupping · 31/07/2017 07:47

He's a twat hope you're ok op

herecomesthsun · 31/07/2017 07:48

"Punching above weight" implies that the partner is in a different, superior league lookwise? Utter BASTARD.

So a) he needs to do more childcare to let YOU get to the gym or exercise classes etc (if that's what you want)
b) an apology would be good if he gets enough insight to do that.
c) if you are exhausted and frazzled, maybe you both need to look at whether more of the family resources could be directed into help around the home for example, so you have more
-time to look after yourself
-time to rest
-time to focus on the children rather than chores

Flowers
ConstanceCraving · 31/07/2017 07:49

I'm confused by those who think it's a compliment.

OnTheRise · 31/07/2017 07:50

The phrase "punching above your weight" means you're doing very well, doesn't it? So might he have meant you were doing very well having your three small children, rather than doing very well by having him as your husband? I'm not entirely clear.

SouthChinaMorningPost · 31/07/2017 07:50

well, he's basically walked into "babysitting" a few nights a week, so you can make good this heinous error - or find a new man. I'd be looking for a new fella meself

jay55 · 31/07/2017 07:51

If he spent less time in the gym, maybe you would have more time to.
Wouldn't stop him from being a shallow twat, but might make him a more supportive shallow twat.

Wishfulmakeupping · 31/07/2017 07:52

There's only one meaning which is one partner is superior in looks to the other- to make you feel so shitty op is just bloody awful of him :( has he always been so cocky and full of himself or is this a new thing?

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 31/07/2017 07:55

Yeah, he is being a twat. I don't think it is usually meant as a compliment: it means the "puncher" is going out with someone better looking, better prospects or more appealing than them, implying their partner could do better. It's a vile thing to say to anyone and normal people would not ever even dream of thinking it about their partner.

I am not one for being dramatic but if my DH said it to me it would be the beginning of the end - I don't think I could ever properly forgive and forget.

DH should be apologetic and mortified that he said it.

Liiinoo · 31/07/2017 07:56

I thought punching bone your weight meant you were doing better at something than you would technically expected to be (so someone small and light taking on and beating fighters of a heavier weight) So yes, it can be considered a compliment.

So DH is not just rude and thoughtless, he is ignorant. Ask him what he would like you to prioritise - taking care of his family or losing a few pounds? Suggest he takes on a bit more at home so you have the free time to devote to yourself?

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 31/07/2017 07:57

Yes, he's a twat. Comes with being a man

Hmm

I'm fuming on your behalf OP

ConstanceCraving · 31/07/2017 07:59

Punching above your weight means your with someone who is better looking than you.

ConstanceCraving · 31/07/2017 07:59

You're Hmm

MamaHanji · 31/07/2017 08:01

Where do these absolutely twats find wives? Honestly?!

He is a massive wankstain.

steff13 · 31/07/2017 08:01

Well, he sounds like a giant douchenozzle. I'm really at a lot to think of how this comment even came up. Was he admiring himself in the mirror? I mean, it's just cruel and gross.

Goingtobeawesome · 31/07/2017 08:02

For those not getting it. HE has said SHE is punching above her weight, therefore, she's an 7/10 for example and he's a 10/10. It's not difficult to understand.

wellhonestly · 31/07/2017 08:04

HIBU.

He might spend all his time in the gym, but has his body grown three human beings from scratch? No so he's not all that

So he's right that it's a "nothing" comment - in that it has no value and is meaningless. Not to mention incorrect. At least he now realises this. Smile

PiratePanda · 31/07/2017 08:05

surely " punching above your weight" is a compliment?

No, it's an insult. It means "I am beautiful and you look like shit, and I could walk out on you any day of the week because I am the superior person."

It's a horrible thing to say.

McPie · 31/07/2017 08:05

I have only ever heard that phrase aimed towards a man who has stunning partners whilst being average looks wise themselves.
If anyone said I was "punching" I would be pretty upset but if my own partner said it it would destroy my confidence.
Maybe he needs to spend a bit less time in the gym to let you go do something/anything for yourself because that was a horrible "nothing" comment!

Gazelda · 31/07/2017 08:06

He's the unreasonable twat. How did it come up in conversation - were you rowing? Was he justifying how much time he spends at the gym?

AnUtterIdiot · 31/07/2017 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liverbird10 · 31/07/2017 08:09

He sounds like a gaslighting cockbiscuit.

OP, tell him to blow it out his arse!

Butterymuffin · 31/07/2017 08:09

No, there is no way in which it's a compliment. I would be steaming. Stop doing the stuff you do for him and say you won't have time because you'll be out at the gym instead. I suspect he is doing nowhere near as much childcare as he should.

steff13 · 31/07/2017 08:09

He's the unreasonable twat. How did it come up in conversation - were you rowing?

I imagined him looking in the mirror, kissing his biceps like Gaston on Beauty and the Beast when he said it.

Riversleep · 31/07/2017 08:09

'Im punching above my weight with you ' is a compliment. 'You're punching above your weight with me' is a massive insult, and implies that he could do better when OP couldnt. That's clearly untrue, as he is a vain twat. Tell him you need him to look after the kids so you can go to the gym.