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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband says I am punching above my weight

216 replies

Maybeoneday77 · 31/07/2017 06:41

Just looking to clarify something here. Yesterday my husband said he thinks i am punching above my weight. He is very into fitness and spends a lot of time on the gym. I have 3 small children, one is 6mths and I admit I have 16 pounds of baby weight to lose and don't feel good about myself at the moment.
He says it was a "nothing" comment and can't understand why I am so upset.
Who's he unreasonable twat here?

OP posts:
IDoDaChaCha · 31/07/2017 09:25

He's an arsehole

Outlookmainlyfair · 31/07/2017 09:28

No excuse - he is wrong and HIBU. Stamp on it and don't let it escalate!

VladmirsPoutine · 31/07/2017 09:29

3 small children, one of whom was only born 6 months ago. No doubt you were already feeling vulnerable and tired. Now he's come along to demean you in order for you to start doubting yourself and become further insecure.
OP have you heard of the boiling frog?

You might want to look into gas lighting, and emotional abuse.

ProphetOfDoom · 31/07/2017 09:30

Taser him

36plusandtrying · 31/07/2017 09:36

Swap all his 'me/gym time' for letting him look after the kids time and do what ever you want ... perhaps that could be spent looking for a new DH !

Kewcumber · 31/07/2017 09:37

Well he's either an arse or a bit dim and using the phrase incorrectly.

user1473494811 · 31/07/2017 09:37

That would make me so mad. And this is what I would do

  1. Secretly healthy eat and lose weight without mentioning it to him
(he probably will not notice as he will be stroking his abs.)
  1. Squirrel away any little bit of cash that comes your way even if it's 50p at a time.
3.Start to exercise with little ones to music and tell them they are dancing. 4 Start to take a few minutes for yourself before bed moisturising etc 5.When you feel that you are ready to arrange a night out with friends get him to babysit and strut out of the door with a smile on your face.

It might take a while but it will be worth it.
I did this after being kept down for years by partner. I eventually left and he went fat and bald. He is dead now.

user1473494811 · 31/07/2017 09:39

Sorry, forgot to say........Good Luck

PovertyJetset · 31/07/2017 09:40

It's a very rude comment and very hurtful.

Hope he can make it up to you.

HemanOrSheRa · 31/07/2017 09:44

6 stone isn't 'baby weight', not unless you gave birth to a 10 year old. Oh my fucking days athome. Seriously?

Taser him if only it was that easy Prophet.

SlothMama · 31/07/2017 09:46

What a horrible comment! I'd point out that your body carried his children......

Alicia555 · 31/07/2017 09:47

Tell him if he feels that strongly you want to go to the gym while he stays at home with the kids, every single day.

riceuten · 31/07/2017 09:53

The implication is "you are not worthy of my gym toned, hardbody physique, so buck your ideas up lady, or I will go wandering"

A complete and utter twatblanket

Mammyloveswine · 31/07/2017 09:54

My husband jokes about this but that's it-he's joking. In reality he's overly complimentary, almost to the point of making me feel uncomfortable at times. But your husband sounds like he's being very nasty-has he always been a gym go-er? Is this a recent change in him? I think you need to call him out on this, what a horrible thing to say to anyone let alone the mother of your THREE children!
What an arse, sorry OP xx

swizzlestar · 31/07/2017 09:59

That's a horrible thing to say... My dh is a pt and coaches at a professional level in his sport. He's mega fit with not an ounce of fat on him. I have 2 st to lose, but he always tries to make me feel good about myself.

areyoubeingserviced · 31/07/2017 09:59

Totally agree with posters who suggests that he is mentally prepping himself to wander.
It's a threat OP mark my words.
If I were you I would sit down with him and tell him that you want to go to the gym and
therefore he will have to give up some of his
leisure time to help. He will try to worm his way out of it , but don't back down
Sorry to say this OP but you married a grade A idiot.

puddingpen · 31/07/2017 10:04

My DP and I joke about this sort of thing all the time. If either one of us ever said it seriously I think it would be pretty unforgivable...

waitforitfdear · 31/07/2017 10:08

What a nasty bastard op. He's punching above his weight actually and lucky to have a wife who didn't kick him in his boasting bollocks.

Join the gym and get him to share child care more so you get to go too.

Also book to get your hair/nails/massage etc done just to make you feel good love

Coulddowithanap · 31/07/2017 10:09

Does he say this kind of stuff or was it said as a one off insensitive jokey comment?

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 31/07/2017 10:12

Firstly he is being a git

Dh has made the odd comment about my weight but usually after ive said something and he is never mean about it

And yes 6 stone can be baby weight

Friend of mine put 5 stone on with her first

40andFat · 31/07/2017 10:18

Either he is a prize idiot saying that to someone who had a baby 6 months ago or he has an inferiority complex and probably some insecurities about how he looks. Honestly is he better looking than you, if he is he is you can't change that. Your weight you can I have a 7 month old and it's an uphill battle but start tackling it it will make you feel better about yourself.
As for the comment I'd draw a line under it once you've told him that he may be good looking and slimmer than you it's just a shame he doesn't measure up in the bedroom department.!!!! GrinGrin Jokingly of course.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2017 10:30

I agree that he's setting himself with permission to wander. That's why he's comparing - you to him, to other women he thinks are more 'in his league' these days. He's saying 'I could have someone better looking'.

Unless followed up very fast with 'but I'd never want anyone else except the beautiful mother of my children', 'but I have eyes only for you' 'lucky you're so much cleverer and nicer than me!' etc that meaning is very clear.

I can't imagine someone who believed he was lucky to be with you, making the comment in the first place though.

How about suggesting a role swap? He does childcare (including night wakings) and the housework you'd have done, you get evenings off for exercise and relaxation, then reassess your relative attractiveness in six months time!

christinarossetti · 31/07/2017 10:33

I agree that it's a thinly veiled hint that he thinks he is superior to you, and that he will look elsewhere as, in his eyes, you don't measure up.

At the very least, the amount of leisure time that the adults in the family have needs to be more evenly split. You should have the same amount of time to yourself as he does to spend down the gym.

It's a horrible, spiteful, narccicistic thing to say.

balsamicbarbara · 31/07/2017 11:09

It's a stupid comment but such overreaction. Have heard many friends say things like this to their aging DHs during meals out etc. It's just a joke.

pigeondujour · 31/07/2017 11:14

Fucking prick.