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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband says I am punching above my weight

216 replies

Maybeoneday77 · 31/07/2017 06:41

Just looking to clarify something here. Yesterday my husband said he thinks i am punching above my weight. He is very into fitness and spends a lot of time on the gym. I have 3 small children, one is 6mths and I admit I have 16 pounds of baby weight to lose and don't feel good about myself at the moment.
He says it was a "nothing" comment and can't understand why I am so upset.
Who's he unreasonable twat here?

OP posts:
morningrunner · 31/07/2017 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenioqueenio · 31/07/2017 08:11

What a massive twat.
Turn this around to your advantage, so what is he going to do about it, now he's pointed it out?
He needs to allow you equal time to spend honing your body (if you want to), by dropping some of his gym sessions- fairs fair.
He doesn't sound very bright, he's walked straight into that one tbh.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2017 08:17

Wow, how arrogant and vain would you have to be? He must think he is all that and a bag of chips.

And yes, it means he thinks he is much better looking than her.

I can't decide what's worse, being arrogant enough to think it or nasty enough to say it.

possumgoddess · 31/07/2017 08:17

I am confused - I thought 'punching above your weight' was a phrase that had nothing to do with weight at all - it means being overly ambitious about something - e.g. an average looking man asking out a girl with model looks, or somebody with few qualifications going for a job that needs lots. Am I wrong?

OneOfTheGrundys · 31/07/2017 08:19

'Twat' was what sprang to my mind immediately too. Bleugh.

IrritatedUser1960 · 31/07/2017 08:19

Ask him if he thinks he could have three children and be thin?????

steff13 · 31/07/2017 08:20

No, you're right. I just think in this case, the OP's weight is what is making her less attractive. In her husband's eyes, probably not in reality.

Smeaton · 31/07/2017 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsHarry · 31/07/2017 08:23

Was it a joke? Only you know your husband and how he meant it. If it wasn't a completely lighthearted bit of banter then he is BU.

fourquenelles · 31/07/2017 08:24

He is a vain cunt with (I am surmising) the personality of a whelk. To quote Judge Judy "Looks fade, stupid is forever".

vikingprincess81 · 31/07/2017 08:25

You're gorgeous OP, how do I l know that? Because everyone is!
You've grown 3 hale and hearty humans in your body, and look after them so they can become awesome adults.
16lbs? It may seem insurmountable but it's really nothing at 6 months post natal. You've just had a baby - be kind to yourself. It'll go, or it won't - either way it doesn't make you a bad person..
As for H - yeah he's a total dick. It's easy to stay in shape when you're not growing people inside your body. 🙄 Fuck him - you're lovely Flowers

MsHarry · 31/07/2017 08:25

possum Yes the phrase means she(op) is not good enough for him now that she has got bigger due to child birth and he is oh so svelte. I would question how he has so much time to do this with 3 kids!

PiratePanda · 31/07/2017 08:25

@possumgoddess you're not wrong, but in this case OP's 'D'P has told her that she is the average-looking woman partnered up with a glorious god of a man, isn't she lucky.

Not kind.

nachogazpacho · 31/07/2017 08:26

Yes, Gaston fits my mental image too. Such utter lack of compassion or even comprehension of what you've been through making his three children. I think a comment like that would make me fall out of love with someone.

AudacityJones · 31/07/2017 08:26

Wait I don't understand - punching above your weight is a phrase that usually means someone is doing/enjoying something that on the face of it looks to be out of their league.

So, seeing an average man with a super-hot wife one might say "Ah he's punching above his weight", or seeing a twitter troll trying to tell Mary Beard about ancient Romans is more obviously punching above his weight.

It's never used directly in the context of weight, except originally as a boxing term - i.e. Someone who is a featherweight attempting to box in the middleweight category.

OP - did you misunderstand the context in which your husband said this? Or (worse) did he just misuse it in a clunky jibe at your health? Assuming it's the latter that's a nasty thing to say. And either way, it's insensitive for him to be going off to the gym so frequently and (presumably) giving you so little time to yourself. Get him to take over kids bedtimes twice a week and go out...whether that's to the gym or for a walk or with friends etc

ohamIreally · 31/07/2017 08:27

In boxing fighters are categorised by weight I.e. Featherweight, lightweight, middleweight or heavyweight. So for a boxer who is a featherweight to be fighting someone who is a middleweight he or she is doing pretty damn well in punching above his or her weight. In this context the Op's DH implies that he is in a higher category than her and thus she is doing well to be with him.

AudacityJones · 31/07/2017 08:27

Ok x posted with a whole bunch of people explaining - never mind then. Just wanker-ish behaviour.

PiratePanda · 31/07/2017 08:28

@AudacityJones he's not using it in a literal sense, actually about her weight or his. He is saying that he's hot, and she looks a bit shit.

ghostyslovesheets · 31/07/2017 08:30

can't believe anyone thinks 'punching above your weight' is a compliment! It means he thinks he's out of your league

he's a twat - a vain, nasty twat

HolgerDanske · 31/07/2017 08:30

He's a shit. Firstly for even thinking it and secondly for actually telling you. What a twat.

IStoleDipsysHat · 31/07/2017 08:31

What an arrogant twat.
Next time he mentions it just sigh resignedly and reply:
"I know, but I can sculpt my body. It's a lot harder to sculpt a personality though, isn't it dear"

SuperPug · 31/07/2017 08:31

No, user, it's a horrible term used by someone to explain that they are "too good" for their partner.
I agree with other posters. Makes a comment like that, tries to make you feel shit, your confidence drops, he finds someone who is equally as vacuous at the gym.
Of course, that's only hypothetical but good men don't do this- especially after their partner has had a baby. Jesus.
I'd have a serious chat about him with this and sounds like he's not taking on an equal share of childcare etc.

MilesHuntsWig · 31/07/2017 08:32

Wow, that's disgraceful. He doesn't respect you and is a vain and nasty person.

It's not funny, it's not kind, it's not supportive to the mother of his three children, so why did he say it? The only possible outcome was to make you feel bad about yourself so why would he want to do that if he cared about you?

sewingandcoffee · 31/07/2017 08:35

That's a horrible thing to say to anyone. What context did he say it in? Were you arguing? (Not that that makes it acceptable)

qazxc · 31/07/2017 08:38

He is a massive bell end.
It's a horrible thing to Sa especially as you don't feel good about yourself atm.
By the way I hope you get as much me time as he does with his numerous gym trips.