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Original poster

Husband says I am punching above my weight

216 replies

Maybeoneday77 · 31/07/2017 06:41

Just looking to clarify something here. Yesterday my husband said he thinks i am punching above my weight. He is very into fitness and spends a lot of time on the gym. I have 3 small children, one is 6mths and I admit I have 16 pounds of baby weight to lose and don't feel good about myself at the moment.
He says it was a "nothing" comment and can't understand why I am so upset.
Who's he unreasonable twat here?

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 31/07/2017 08:38

Tell him to look after the kids while you spend as much time in the gym as him and then see who looks like they're punching above their weight. Anyone can be a narcissistic twat if they really want to.

rookiemere · 31/07/2017 08:39

it's a horrible thing to say and shows he judges people purely by their physical appearance and I'm sorry to say it but it does suggest he's been eyeing up women at the gym.

Demand equal leisure time, but only use it for physical activities if that's something you want to do - I'm somewhat surprised by folks suggesting that you working out (presumably with the intention of making your figure "better" )is the answer to this. Besides zumba will make naff all difference anyway but it might be fun.

You've had 3 DC and you've put on a stone. So what? Does he think that carrying and giving birth to a DC is not going to have any consequences? He should be amazed that your body has given birth to 3 beautiful DCs - damn sght more than his has ever done.

I'd be very, very angry about this and make him aware that such remarks are not acceptable.sadly its the thought process that generates them that is the real problem.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2017 08:42

He sounds extremely vain and superficial, as well as nasty.

Do you get time to exercise, in whatever form you'd like to? Does he make it easy for you to get out by yourself by volunteering to take on all the childcare for a couple of evenings, plus a morning at the weekend perhaps? (Or at this stage, maybe you'd just like extra time to sleep, so you can start to feel energetic enough to want to exercise).

The only way I can see this as a 'harmless' comment is if he was messing about, acknowledging what a vain peacock he is, taking the piss out of himself for that - so implying that he knows damn well that you, with all your childbearing and caring, are worth much more than he is, in terms of your leisure time contribution to the family.

Ilovejonahhill · 31/07/2017 08:42

It's not a compliment, it's a shit thing to say Hmm

I too had a baby 6 months ago, & am carrying slightly less excess weight than you. I hate it, BUT my DH constantly compliments & says how amazing I look! If he were ever to say something like that I would seriously need to consider my options!

You have just had a baby, his baby ffs! What is wrong with him? Prized knobhead right there!!.

mrsRosaPimento · 31/07/2017 08:45

Your body has grown a human. He couldn't do that. He's punching above his weight. What a conceited arse.

pigsDOfly · 31/07/2017 08:46

Horrible thing to say to you OP. Whether he mean't it as a joke or not is irrelevant. it's cruel.

Three times a week at the gym? And what do you do for yourself away from the children three times a week? Very little I suspect.

When and if you want to lose that sixteen pounds you'll be able to, but unfortunately he'll always be a nasty, shallow knob.

badabing36 · 31/07/2017 08:49

Seriously, could he be on steroids? They turn people into massive wankers.

Or maybe he's just a massive wanker. 16lbs at six months is really not a lot.

howabout · 31/07/2017 08:50

Going against the grain here. My DH has been known to say this. What he means is I can make absolutely no effort and just be my amazing self whereas in order to be worthy of me he has to really work at it. Sometimes makes himself sound like a trophy handbag. Grin

Strugglingmumbot · 31/07/2017 08:51

Seriously, could he be on steroids? They turn people into massive wankers.

IME they only bring out the "massive wanker" in people who already were massive wankers but were hiding it quite well.

seven201 · 31/07/2017 08:51

What a twat.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2017 08:53

Howabout, that's him punching above his weight - you being naturally more attractive than him.

pigsDOfly · 31/07/2017 08:56

Well then Howabout surely your DH means that he is the one punching above his weight.

pigsDOfly · 31/07/2017 08:58

x post with Lotiegarbanzo

BillBrysonsBeard · 31/07/2017 08:58

He's a twat. I still have 6 stone of baby weight to lose and my DP makes me feel like a goddess. Your husband has that gym ego that some twats get.. being around fit women and thinking you should be like that despite having small kids. If 16lbs of extra weight makes you unequal in his eyes then he doesn't see your relationship very deeply.

Gottagetmoving · 31/07/2017 09:01

If it comes to being a decent human being he is punching way above his weight.
He sounds vain and self centred.

Riversleep · 31/07/2017 09:07

I was going to say the same thing about steroids, if it's out of character. Unless he's always been a vain twat, but then why would anyone have 3 children with someone who was so self centred and evidently doesnt care enough about his family to spend any time with them.

Hapaxlegomenon · 31/07/2017 09:11

I would be devastated if my husband said that to me. I would have expected him to give you a boost instead since you've just had 3 of his children Flowers

AtHomeDadGlos · 31/07/2017 09:11

BillBryson - 6 stone isn't 'baby weight', not unless you gave birth to a 10 year old. Confused

OP your husband was BU. He might feel like he's the only one in the relationship taking care of himself though. In which case you should discuss how he allows you time away from the children to lose the baby weight and supports your efforts (if you want to lose it obv - you've no obligation to!).

My own wife wanted to lose her baby weight and we did Slimming World together as I'm on the large side! She got down to her pre-baby weight and then got pregnant again! So we'll have another go in the new year I imagine!

Stoptherideiwannagetoff · 31/07/2017 09:17

What a twunt! He's an absolute arsehole! Tell him one more conceited comment like that and you will be punching in the number for a divorce lawyer, and to mind his big fat head on the door frame as he exits the room!

honeylulu · 31/07/2017 09:18

OMG and he thinks it's a "nothing" comment! So he's basically just said he thinks he's too good for you ... does he realise what's he's said? What it is understood to mean?

You could point out that you could lose several stone of useless lard instantly by him leaving via the front door! (That's only a flippant LTB but even so - he is rude and thoughtless. )

MaidOfStars · 31/07/2017 09:20

It's a fucking horrible thing to say. And, for me, deal breaker. I wouldn't accept it.

I once walked out on a largely happy three year relationship when he said that my top made me look slutty. Noone who loves you should want to hurt you about your appearance.

cluelessnewmum · 31/07/2017 09:20

I'm sorry op but I do think this seemingly off the cuff comment speaks volumes for how he sees you.

He either thinks that the most important thing in a relationship is appearances (worrying) or he thinks that overall he is contributing more to the relationship (despite the fact that you've actually produced his child only 6 months ago and are raising the other two).

He clearly has zero empathy or knowledge about healthy post baby weight loss, which should not be your primary concern, especially if you're breastfeeding. When you're already feeling low in self esteem do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel worse rather than better about yourself?

I would be asking him to move out for a few days, get him to tell a couple of friends /family why, and then he will start to realise what he has said is completely unacceptable.

You deserve an unreserved apology and be should be making it up to you. If you want to start exercising more then he should facilitate that by giving up his own time in the gym. If he's not willing to apologise and make it up to you I would seriously question whether you want to be with him.

Piewraith · 31/07/2017 09:21

Well not just equal time at the gym, more time! If OP is allegedly so horrid looking. From now on, he should be home at 5.15pm and you will go out to the gym. (Once your out, don't really go the gym. Go to Cafe, library, spa, etc)

PTA689 · 31/07/2017 09:22

This is his little warning to you. Anyfucker won't be far off the mark with this one. It's almost giving him the mental permission he needs to look elsewhere. Expect more of the same.

Dreams16 · 31/07/2017 09:24

That is a vile thing to say to you next time you want to remind him that you carried your three DC and constantly care for them if we all had time like he clearly does to be down the gym then we'd all be super fit but when your trying to look after little ones and the house it's pretty exhausting to then be having to think about dragging yourself to a gym or dieting