To think people treat you different if you are fat

[Mammylamb]

I have recently put on a few stone which I need to lose. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel that strangers were nicer to me when I was slimmer. It sounds daft, but today at a play park I noticed women looking me up and down and one woman pushed past me (quite rudely) to get into the park. When we went to the swings she couldn't grab her bag quickly enough (really, I wasn't going to steal it.). I know that I'm less attractive when I'm fatter and it makes me look a bit "rough" and (whisper) less middle class. My mums weight also fluctuates and she said she notices a difference in how folk treat her too. Do you think this is right, or are we imagining it?

Fat people are also more likely to miss out on jobs - people will hire thin people over fat people. Fat women are more likely to be found guilty by male jurors than thin women. Instagram has flagged fat women's bikini pics as inappropriate before. Fat people are more likely to be victims of "diagnostic overshadowing" - in that it's assumed that their weigh affects every single part of their health and rashes, chest infections etc are blamed on weight.

I don't really see people staring at me (I'm a size 22 and 24 years old) and haven't really experienced discrimination as an adult but am aware that there is some really bias against fat people.

Through, yes, but other factors must also come into it, because the richest fifth of men in the UK are far more likely to be obese than the poorest fifth, when they could equally afford trainers, dieticians, good food etc. Why are the richest women far more likely to be the thinnest, and the fattest women the poorest, but the same doesn't hold true for men?

They do treat you differently initially but I win people over with my charm and wit usually

I don't judge people on their size, but I do judge on what they're wearing- even though I try not to!

Everyone does this. It's a subconscious thing. When any of you have any free time. Here's a social experiment for you. One day. Go about your business in a tracksuit and trainers, or just a t-shirt and leggings if you don't own a tracksuit like me. The next time. Go out suited and booted. The difference is striking.

I was in my workout gear once waiting with the kids for my mum to come back off a coach holiday. She was late home, took the kids to grab a snack from the nearby shop and I got stopped and had my bags searched at the exit. Purely because I looked like riff raff mingled amongst the other workers.

Shortly after. Was working close by said shop in an environment where I had to be suited and booted. Same place as above, and everyone else and every other establishment I visited/used that month, were so far up my still fat arse they were practically talking for me.

Fat people are more likely to be victims of "diagnostic overshadowing" - in that it's assumed that their weigh affects every single part of their health and rashes, chest infections etc are blamed on weight.

I dont think it affects their job all the time. I'm a frequent flyer (asthmatic). I see a range of nurses from very slim to overweight.

Never underestimate the overweight nurses ability to run like fuck when that crash button goes off. She/he can still get there at the same time as the slimmer one can. I can sort of understand if it's an amazon warehouse job for example but it still doesn't mean its not possible.

Most of the time its not about who can physically do the job, it's about who looks best for their company sat behind the front desk.

Blaming things like chest infections on people being overweight is just ignorant. I currently know of two friends. Both proper gym bunnies. One 8st the other 10. Both still suffer from recurrent chest infections as bad as I do.

Actually I have just remembered I did get a hard time about my weight from the Consultant who removed my gallbladder. He is the only health professional who ever has.

Saw him for initial consultation and one of the first things he asked was what I did. I answered with 'I'm not working at the moment'. He was then really rather patronising . I needed to have BMI under a certain level for op which we agreed and I said not to worry, I'd definitely sort it, that I knew what do do and that I should as I used to work at hospital across the road and used to work in psychological rsearch.

His attitude changed absolutely instantly, DH was there and agreed it did. Totally different, as we left he was coming out with ' I know it's a cliche but sounds as if you've had a really rough time looking after your Mum and now time for some well deserved rest and being able to concentrate on you' nice as pie.

Although i appeared to have rubbed chasing up the wrong way (and I am sorry for that chasing). I suspect chasing thinks am being classist (and I'm honestly not being) I can't see anywhere in her posts than she is fat bashing.

Triskel, if that's the stats then I'm not sure. Possibly because being a fat rich man doesn't matter so much regarding the status symbols? He can have everything money can buy including a thin wife. It's wrong, but the pressure is on women to remain thin. You don't see many fat women who are aristocrats, royals, celebrities, married to celebrities, married to the 10% richest men.

His attitude changed absolutely instantly, DH was there and agreed it did

Yep. Had that too. DD has to go hospital regular for a certain procedure. There's always one, only the one, that is unbelievingly condescending to me. Dirty looks the lot. They're never discreet about it. My Ex works there, and I know quite a few members of the staff as they're ex-colleagues. Used to work there myself many moons ago. Last time, icy silence from them whilst sat in the same room as the other lovely nurse is talking to me. Ex is on break so comes down with one of my ex-colleagues to say hello to DD.

Icy worker's attitude towards us both changes instantly.

Definitely differently. I never realised until I lost weight in my 20s (had been fat all my life) and everyone was so nice, going out of their way to talk to me.. especially women surprisingly. But not where I live now... I'm fat again and live in a lovely little northern town full of all different sizes.. everyone has the time for you here.

100% fatism discrimination in many walks of life.

At school, I was useless at PE/games due to being overweight. The games/PE teachers usually also did classroom subjects and I was still treated as a thicko in their classes despite being relatively bright academically and high in the classes of other teachers. The games/PE brought their bias/discrimination from the playing fields into the classrooms.

I have my own business. My percentage of successful conversions into clients via email and telephone is over 90% yet it's barely 50% from personal meetings. I'm the same person, say the same things and give the same quotes etc whether online, telephone or in person, so that means people are less likely to become clients if they meet me in person! As a result, I've basically turned my business into a "virtual/remote" business so that I don't have to waste so much time meeting potential clients who are unlikely to sign on the dotted line.

That's terrible Kazzy! I have heard that a lot of PE teachers are hideous to fat kids (when I was at school, I was a bit chubby (size 12) but there were only a couple of genuinely fat kids and the PE teachers were quite encouraging (but still didn't let me skive!)

I've been size 4 and size 16. I do feel people treat me differently. But that could be due to also being older & invisible, plus I'm now disabled. It is multi-faceted in my opinion. As a poster said up thread, confidence has a lot to do with it.

For example if one becomes much larger and they feel uncomfortable in themselves, they may feel anxious and develop poor self esteem, which they then project. Becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

A slight derail, but apparently if you are a carer (and theferfore statistically likely to be female and poor), you are more likely to self medicate with food (rather than drink, drugs or exercise) as you can continue to fulfill your caring role when overweight, and this may be why more poor women are fat than poor men.

I think the way that you present yourself is so much more important that your weight. I have quite a few overweight friends but they all dress nicely, wear make-up, hair and nails done and they look wonderful. I have a couple who make no effort whatsoever and they definitely look very very different and yes I can imagine are possibly treated in a different manner.

Away if you are on steroids why are they blaming it on you. Thats tantamount to emotional abuse.

Age. But do your slim and pretty friends get
Treated the same when they "dress down". Yesterday I did have make up on, but my hair was tied back (which is very unusual). I

Mmmm interesting? To be honest no-one has ever said anything, it hasn't come up in conversation before but one observation I would make is that how you look so affects your confidence that I would bet it would affect how someone treated you. If I slink out looking really scruffy then I definitely behave in a much less confident way than if I have really made an effort (I am def below average looking although slim). I think that might influence us one way or another?

I have one friend who is quite overweight but she carries herself as though the whole world is on her shoulders, she always looks fed up but when she smiles she just looks so lovely. Really hard to ever say that to someone though especially as she struggles with depression, can be a spiral sometimes.

Women are less sympathetic to you too.

If you are slim they seem to think it must be easy for you, if you're bigger they are more kindly and more likely to empathise I. E. With regards to childrearing for example.

Ridiculous really.

But do your slim and pretty friends get treated the same when they "dress down"

This is a good point. If you are fat or unattractive in some way, you have to appear much more "groomed" in order to get the same level of treatment that a slim and attractive person would get in their scruffiest outfit.

It's absolutely true.

I was very slim my whole life - 8 stone at 5 ft 6 - until I got pregnant. I put on six stone in both pregnancies (and the second, I was watching what I ate - it was really weird, and all I can say is that metabolism is a lot more complicated than I ever realised) so right after birth I was a size 18. And people treated me completely differently. They assumed I was stupid, which was a real shock to my system as I'd never encountered that before, and people would push past me impatiently in shops. This was whether I had a baby with me, or not. In general they were more dismissive, more impatient, and more patronising.

It doesn't happen when you are slimmer. Prejudice on size grounds is certainly my own experience, and as it wasn't something I ever expected, and as I lost the weight fairly fast both times when the pregnancies ended it slowly stopped happening... it was really obvious.

I don't know why some people find it so hard to believe. Women are treated differently, black people are treated differently... why the scepticism when people suggest something as stigmatised as being fat would lead to poorer treatment?

Away if you are on steroids why are they blaming it on you. That's tantamount to emotional abuse.

HelenaDove sadly I'm used to it. Oddly enough when I end up in hospital that ill, they never ever stop to think before giving me steroids (understandably as they're necessary!). I was once on a respiratory ward where the only person on the ward who didn't smoke, was me. The lady in the next bed had pneumonia and pleurisy (they'd caught it early). Kept nipping outside every fifteen minutes for a fag and all she got was a "have you thought about cutting down your smoking whilst your ill?". You do overthink it, I.e I'm overweight, she was as thin as a rake.

Even my own professionals have said I'm not 'that' overweight. I think it's meant as a backhanded compliment!

and this may be why more poor women are fat than poor men.

Nope. It's because crap food is cheaper. Yes you can get fruit & veg on good deals if you shop around but if you've only got £1 or 2 til payday. Buying 2x tins of mac cheese for 20/30p each is a meal you wouldn't have if you'd bought a bag of apples for 80p.

"Nope" is a very dismissive response.
How about "there are multiple factors involved"?

It has to be easier for rich women to be thinner.

Honestly, it's not.

Being is 90% about not eating.

Most humans simply can't exercise enough to offset a typical modern diet.

When you're hungry, not eating is not made easier by having money.