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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people treat you different if you are fat

312 replies

Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 19:49

I have recently put on a few stone which I need to lose. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel that strangers were nicer to me when I was slimmer. It sounds daft, but today at a play park I noticed women looking me up and down and one woman pushed past me (quite rudely) to get into the park. When we went to the swings she couldn't grab her bag quickly enough (really, I wasn't going to steal it.). I know that I'm less attractive when I'm fatter and it makes me look a bit "rough" and (whisper) less middle class. My mums weight also fluctuates and she said she notices a difference in how folk treat her too. Do you think this is right, or are we imagining it?

OP posts:
ChasingHighs · 30/07/2017 20:07

Avocado* I wish you could bloody edit on this site.

RollerGirl7 · 30/07/2017 20:07

Definitely a thing.

I experience the same but with glasses /contacts.

It's a sad fact that when you look more attractive you get treated more positively. Even things like a bus driver smiling as he takes your money. Doors being held open or conversations with strangers in shopping queues. I find the differenve in how I'm treated really noticable from one day to the next

Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 20:08

Chasing. You have got it right. People do treat you differently if you are working class. I am working class, and when I was younger it was more obvious. When I started work, where I came from and my accent etc marked me out as different. Since I started to fit in as middle class I am treated very differently.

OP posts:
Bluepansies · 30/07/2017 20:11

I've been a size 8 and a size 18 and the only difference I've found is that I don't get catcalled by men when I'm above a size 14. So that's a bonus! Definitely don't find people are less friendly when I'm bigger.

moutonfou · 30/07/2017 20:12

I think even if we think we're nice, tolerant people who judge people on character, we all have an in-built 'hierarchy' from our animal days which subtly influences how we view people.

In every species of the animal world there are traits which are considered attractive and a hierarchy is built around this. Fitness being a big one.

Although humans are supposedly now civilised, and we all proclaim to value traits like personality, values, contribution to society, etc over superficial traits like looks and fitness, I think that 'survival of the fittest' hierarchy still has to be buried deep within us somewhere.

I think it's why we still wear make up and do our hair nicely and wear clothes we hope will look nice. If as a society we truly didn't judge people on looks anymore, we'd all just stop doing those things.

LEMtheoriginal · 30/07/2017 20:15

I totally agree and I also agree that people do treat others differently based on perception of class also. Naive to believe otherwise.

I'M losing weight just now. Certain work colleagues definitely respond differently.

I am working class and believe that I look more working class when I'm bigger - this may well have everything to do with the clothes the average person wears.

As a working class. Overweight mum I know that folk considered me to be less intelligent. I kept my PhD up my sleeve to roll out whenever folk treated me like a lesser person as I wasn't a boden wearing muddle class yummy mummy with a Chelsea tractor..

Chip on my shoulder? Maybe - but I'm proud to be working class. People's issues with my weight are their own I'm losing weight for health reasons. Being able to fit into nicer clothes is a bonus.

Toysaurus · 30/07/2017 20:15

If she pushed past, perhaps you were in the way? It's not possible to push past people who are not in the way. Pisses me off when dim people stand or loiter or have a big reunion exactly in a place people need to get through because they are too full of their own self importance to care about other people needing to get by. Maybe she was looking you up and down for a completely different reason but you are sensitive about your weight.

ChasingHighs · 30/07/2017 20:17

The OP thinks the reason she is treated differently is because people think she is WC. Because only WC people are overweight. Are posters missing that bit?

Hudson10 · 30/07/2017 20:17

I know that I'm less attractive when I'm fatter and it makes me look a bit "rough" and (whisper) less middle class

How on earth does being fat make you look less middle class? Confused

You realise there are a load of thin working class people out there right?
What a strange outlook.

morningtoncrescent62 · 30/07/2017 20:17

I've yo-yo dieted most of my adult life and it's definitely been a thing I've noticed. When I'm fatter, people who don't know me treat me as though I'm stupid. I'd say that when I'm thinner, people assume I'll be worth talking to. When I'm fatter they assume not, until I prove otherwise. I agree with moutonfou that it's probably deeply ingrained and unconscious (for most decent people anyway) but that doesn't stop it happening.

Wiith people who know me it doesn't make any difference though I do wish people would refrain from commenting when I lose weight but that's for another thread.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 20:20

I wasn't in the way. She wanted to get to the swings first and when she seen us heading in that direction she suddenly started speeding up. I wasn't having a reunion or being dim but I was opening the park gate into the play area when she pushed by.

OP posts:
PTA689 · 30/07/2017 20:20

When you say people though, do you mean slimmer people. A huge number of people in the UK are overweight so not really in a place to judge anyone based on weight

ChasingHighs · 30/07/2017 20:21

Surely if she thought you were a rough sort she wouldn't have pushed past in case you bashed her.

60sname · 30/07/2017 20:21

Chasing and others, like it or no, there is a weight correlation with class.

SaltySeaBird · 30/07/2017 20:21

Yes definitely.

At my slimmest I'm treated VERY differently.

maudeismyfavouritepony · 30/07/2017 20:22

Maybe you now approach people a bit differently, in a defensive way so people pick up on it?

allegretto · 30/07/2017 20:23

People treat you differently if you are fat, old, disabled, foreign, ugly....the list goes on. People love to judge!

Trills · 30/07/2017 20:24

It is real.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 20:24

Chasing. Not only wc people are overweight. But obesity and class are often related. And I think people do look down on folk who are overweight and people who are working class. I don't agree with it (and bring on the receiving end of it is awful: I have experienced it) . But it does happen.. I think you are spoiling for an argument though for some reason, which is a shame

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 30/07/2017 20:25

I was certainly treated very differently at a size 28 than i am at a size 14.

Post weight loss people have told me that they thought i must have always been stuffing myself to get up to that size and how horrible i used to look.

BeepBeepMOVE · 30/07/2017 20:26

You don't change classes. If you were born working class then you are now.

Also I think most people especially women are actually nicer to fat women. Also surprised someone pushed you I try harder not to accidentally bump fat people since they are big and if they react badly and shove me or even turn suddenly I'll go flying. Big, tall or wide people seem to be less aware of how much space they take up.

StandardNameHere · 30/07/2017 20:27

I think there are people out there that treat people differently because they are 'different' so that could be because you are overweight, under weight, not dressed as they would, the list could go on.
It's not you with the problem but it doesn't stop it being a shitty thing to do or stop you feeling rubbish.
Some people are just dicks

FanwankTheAbsurd · 30/07/2017 20:27

I have to disagree. I am vastly overweight and middle class. No one has ever treated me as if I am 'rough'. Perhaps because I am a bit older so I seem more 'mumsy'?

I think maybe you are reading more into their behaviour than they actually meant?

NC4now · 30/07/2017 20:28

People do treat you differently when you are slimmer, definitely but for me:

I am more confident slimmer, which people respect more.
I make more of an effort with my clothes as shopping is fun and enjoyable. When fatter I avoid shopping as I don't want to buy a large size or nothing looks nice.

So I think there's a bit of that at play too. I look more stylish and confident as well as slimmer, therefore people treat me better.

ShyOyster · 30/07/2017 20:29

That, sadly, totally is a thing. Certain shallow as fuck people treat me differently when I'm at my slimmest.
Having said that, my real friends, people at work etc treat me exactly the same whether I'm a 12 or a 22. I've never felt that my weight affected my career or anything like that. I am very confident in my role though so maybe that's why.

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