To think people treat you different if you are fat

[Mammylamb]

I have recently put on a few stone which I need to lose. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel that strangers were nicer to me when I was slimmer. It sounds daft, but today at a play park I noticed women looking me up and down and one woman pushed past me (quite rudely) to get into the park. When we went to the swings she couldn't grab her bag quickly enough (really, I wasn't going to steal it.). I know that I'm less attractive when I'm fatter and it makes me look a bit "rough" and (whisper) less middle class. My mums weight also fluctuates and she said she notices a difference in how folk treat her too. Do you think this is right, or are we imagining it?

[ArgyMargy]

Ooh I think this is my first thread that's made it to the DM!

[HelenaDove]

Some of the people commenting underneath the DM article are......................duh...................proving the whole point of this thread.

[TeaCake5]

Thread now in the daily mail ffs.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4750216/Do-treat-fat-people-differently.html

[Lucysky2017]

(Just a point on the thread title it is treat you "differently" not "different". It is the same as "I eat heathily" which is correct rather than "I eat healthy" which is wrong unless you add "food" after "healthy".... and yes it's relevant as people will treat you differently from other people if you say you are "treated different" rather than "in a different way" or "differently".....)

[OohMavis]

Yep, this is a thing. I started a thread about it a few years ago actually and the consensus was that yes, this is definitely a thing.

I also get spoken to and treated better when I'm wearing make-up. I think it's innate in most people to draw more towards people who are attractive. In most peoples' case that is thinner and prettier, and most people prefer women wearing make-up - whether they realise it or not.

[TipTopTipTopClop]

And i saw a doctor on a Channel 4 doc a couple of years ago insist the same His patient lost 5 stone but no loss on the breasts Its this insistence that women can somehow WILL the weight off their breasts that pisses me off. And its misogynistic because overweight men dont get told that weight deffo will come off a certain part of THEIR body.

Maybe you're just atypical. This is not misogyny.

[MaisyPops]

If you're self conscious about anything about yourself then it's natural to assume that other people are focussing on that too but the reality, more often or not, is that most people couldn't give a toss. Personally, if someone is rude to me I don't think it's something to do wit me, I think it has everything to do with them
This. There's a couple of bigger ladies who have taken up running near me. I pass them and smile and say morning etc. Yes, I've noticed they are larger than most but what I'm actually thinking is 'good on them'.

Same in the gym. Everyone is different shapes and sizes, but everyone is lovely because we've all had to start somewhere and we are all there for the same reasons (exception is the minor shared knowing look if you go on a Saturday morning and you're waiting for a machine but there's a group of women in full makeup & trendy coordinating gym wear doing more chatting whilst sat around a machine rather than using it).

[Isetan]

If you're self conscious about anything about yourself then it's natural to assume that other people are focussing on that too but the reality, more often or not, is that most people couldn't give a toss. Personally, if someone is rude to me I don't think it's something to do wit me, I think it has everything to do with them. Whenever someone stares, ususally children because they are less subtle, I stare straight back and the reaction to my silently calling them out, is always embarrassment on their part.

Recently I enrolled at a gym and during the intake I was asked what I wanted to focus on and I said my post pregnancy jelly belly, to which he asked how old and I said ten and he went off on a ten months post delivery is nothing rant and he'd wish women weren't so bloody hard on themselves. To which I countered ten years not ten moths, he looked embarrassed and apologised. I let out a huge laugh and said he was absolutely right but I definitely wasn't in the too hard on themselves category.

I pretty much look the same (normal weight as opposed to just under) but my couldn't give a rats arse what people think of me, has definitely stopped the almost crippling paranoia. Do not underestimate what self confidence or lack theirof, has on other people. Confidence is more of an attractive trait on a person.

If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I would definitely tell myself to chill and not let my insecurities be my focus because they most probably not anyone else's.

I'm not disputing that some people behave badly to other people but they are in the minority.

[HelenaDove]

Argy yes im not disputing that . And im not particularly bothered about it.

But there are people on another thread insisting that breasts WILL get smaller if women lose weight.

And i saw a doctor on a Channel 4 doc a couple of years ago insist the same His patient lost 5 stone but no loss on the breasts Its this insistence that women can somehow WILL the weight off their breasts that pisses me off. And its misogynistic because overweight men dont get told that weight deffo will come off a certain part of THEIR body.

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

It's a fact that if a slim woman throws on some joggers and a hoodie, people assume that she's been to the gym but if a bigger lady does it then people think she's lazy.
I find some women are nicer to me when I'm bigger, less of a threat I guess. I get the jolly fat friend role offered to my quite a bit 'you're so funny, I wish I could just not care what anyone thinks like you do!'

[ThinkOfTheHorses]

100% a thing - people treat me way better when I'm thinner and when I wear makeup x

[ArgyMargy]

Helena you can get breast reduction surgery on the NHS. It's not unusual.

[Iwanttobe8stoneagain]

Most definately a thing. Esp at work. I've been size 8and size 20. Being thin made me much more popular even though I'm probably more confident now than ever. Treating people differently because of their weight is probably the last socially acceptable ism there is! Anyone's diversity policy at work cover off people who have higher or lower BMi than average???

[HelenaDove]

Mrs Porth Ive seen similar nasty comments made about Keely Shaye Smith. (Pierce Brosnans wife)

Post weight loss i also get more attention from men. And other women telling me how healthy i look. On MN there seems to be the opposite.

Iike "we have lost sight of whats really obese" or "size 14 is big" threads on here though. Not to me when i was a size 28 it fucking isnt.

And dont get me started on the misogyny regarding weight loss and breasts. Some of us dont lose any of our boobs. I cant bloody make it come off my boobs if IT JUST FUCKING WONT. My back is now a 32 and boobs are a HH. I was a 46G.

[MrsPorth]

There is definitely bias against overweight people. There have been threads on here from managers concerned about hiring bigger people due to potential sick leave problems etc, which often result in some other posters agreeing, also stating that they're probably lazy and ill-disciplined generally.

Largeness is seen as inferior. A Premier League footballer proudly posted a pic of himself and his (marginally overweight) fiancée online recently, and posters were shocked that a man who could date a model, would choose a woman of her shape (and cruelly, didn't hesitate to say so).

[Aridane]

I did some online 'unconscious bias' courses - and whilst I was smugly congratulating myself in relation to ethnicity, gender etc), I was shocked/ disappointed at my inbuilt bias / prejudice against fAtness

[ScaramangasThirdNipple]

YANBU.

Losing a lot weight is like removing an invisibility cloak.

[isawahatonce]

I do think you're right - I lost quite a lot of weight a few years ago and found my life got so much easier socially. I don't know if this has a connection to looking 'working class' or anything, but there is a noticeable difference in how people treat me now.

[FatGirlWithChocolate]

Same as I have lost Princess.

[aSleepyPrincess]

I have lost 5.5 stone over approx 18 months. I don't feel I am treated differently as such but I was always confident enough to 'carry' my weight well

The thing that irritates me more than anything is when people say 'but you always had a pretty face'in a way that makes it sound like it was a shame I was fat!!!

[FatGirlWithChocolate]

No, she definitely wasn't jealous of my chips. She was appalled that I was eating chips in the first place (first time for a very long time).

[MrFMercury]

I'm disabled and walk with sticks and occasionally use a wheelchair. When I weighed more than 8 stone more I did feel either invisible or judged as if I was disabled because I was fat. Now I'm a healthy size people express far more pity, which I neither want nor need but it's definitely noticeable. People help me more in shops (handling money with a stick in each hand is a challenge), drivers stop and let me cross in front of them and don't beep at me to speed up to boot. I was, to quote Lady GaGa born this way, it's not linked to my weight.

Most of my friends have not referenced my weight loss at all but I have had vibes off a couple that they feel by me losing weight I'm somehow judging them. I'm not and in fact I hide the fact I go to the gym and never talk about diet etc because I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable. And I know they do because another woman in our group lost a similar amount of weight a couple of years ago and talked about nothing else in person and online and the rest of us did feel judged by her. I've tried very hard not to do the same. Besides ideally the only person who should have an opinion or interest in my weight is me surely.

[ullavon]

I've been very overweight in the past about 235lbs and then slimmed down to a normal size now and yes people do treat you differently, not everyone of course but in general yes.
Some of it probably is down to confidence andwhat clothes you wear when I was fat I used to just have about three outfits, I hated to buy clothes and just bought what was cheap and would cover my body. I also made little effort with my appearance. So in shops I'd be overlooked and in my career too but I was pretty much actively hiding.

Of course the biggest difference is how men treat you its very strange to be visible all of a sudden and worthy of interest. I don't especially find it flattering or a confidence boost if anything it just annoys me how shallow humans are. Its weird to to be seen as competition by other women but on the other hand they can be nicer, more welcoming because they are no longer put off by your fatness.

I do support the whole body positivism thing because being fat is like a crime these days. I am happier slim, I am healthier and have more energy but all the negativity I got while fat hindered my weight loss as opposed to spurring me on.

[Mustang27]

Definitely a thing!!

[Trills]

Are you sure she wasn't jealous of your chips?