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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people treat you different if you are fat

312 replies

Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 19:49

I have recently put on a few stone which I need to lose. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel that strangers were nicer to me when I was slimmer. It sounds daft, but today at a play park I noticed women looking me up and down and one woman pushed past me (quite rudely) to get into the park. When we went to the swings she couldn't grab her bag quickly enough (really, I wasn't going to steal it.). I know that I'm less attractive when I'm fatter and it makes me look a bit "rough" and (whisper) less middle class. My mums weight also fluctuates and she said she notices a difference in how folk treat her too. Do you think this is right, or are we imagining it?

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 01/08/2017 15:15

Carrie hope you wiggled your slimmer arse in their face as you walked away! Grin

Mittens1969 · 01/08/2017 15:25

I think it's all about our attitude. I'm someone who is a yo-yo dieter, my weight goes up and down all the time. I have clothes in all sizes from 10-18 and I'm keeping them all now as I'm not likely to change.

When I'm slim, I know I look good and it gives me confidence when I'm out and about so I don't worry about what people think about me. When I'm overweight I'm self-conscious and worry that they're judging me.

There are people who do judge. My DD2 told me that her school friend had told her that her mummy was fat, which I was then, I've lost weight now (long after that so no connection actually). She wouldn't talk to me and her daughter didn't come to DD2's party, the only friend not to come. Slights like that hurt when you lack confidence.

CarrieBradshaw85 · 01/08/2017 15:34

AwaywiththePixies27 Of course Grin

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 17:40

I think it's all about our attitude.

Nope, I'm happier in my skin when I'm not skinny. When I drop weight I feel bony and unsexy. I enjoy sex less I imagine I feel all pointy and boney. The general public like me much more when I'm skinny though and it does not come from me having a "better attitude" Hmm than when I'm fat. I'm quite a comfortable "fat" person and I don't hide myself away, I still wear swim suits and change in open change rooms etc..

orenisthenewblack · 01/08/2017 17:54

Yep, also experienced this. In the workplace, especially, there's less respect as if you can't be professional and overweight.

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 17:58

interviewing for jobs is a nightmare when I'm at my fattest. Male pannelists barely look at me and aren't interested in my answers. I'm pretty good at interviews and can get a bit of chat going with the female ones even if I'm fat, but I only get the nods all round if I'm skinnier.

KC225 · 01/08/2017 18:32

Giantpickle I disagree it's not mainly about attention from men.

I temped at a place where I was employed whilst the slim and very body conscious manager was on leave. Only a fat person knows the up and down body check. Anything, I ate she commented and tutted if she thought it 'unhealthy' on. Once, another colleague was telling me what she was making for guests and the manager shouted at me for always talking about food - which I didn't. The colleague, immediately leapt to my defence but it was embarrassing.

When the team had to do an outside presentation, I overheard her saying that I was not the right image of the company. I was a size 18. I stayed in the office - official reason - I was temporary (which I was).

I genuinely think she found my size 18 offensive. No amount of body confidence would have changed her attitude towards me. Sometimes, I think I was a reminder of what she was scared of becoming or it was a fear of her 'catching' fat from me. It was not a good experience. I left to get a permanent job and had overlap with the new temp she had interviewed. May have been a coincidence but she was a size 8.

Mittens1969 · 01/08/2017 19:07

I do get what you're saying, there are people who judge us for being fat, which is horrible. But it's so much worse if you feel crap about yourself as well.

BasketOfDeplorables · 01/08/2017 19:19

A friend of mine had bariatric surgery, so was quite overweight. I couldn't believe how people treated her - making loud comments about her in the street, all sorts of horrible things.

whitesklyer · 01/08/2017 21:03

Well.... did you crazyhorse?? Grin

TheDowagerCuntess · 01/08/2017 21:12

I'm pretty surprised that there are people on this thread trying to argue that there isn't a correlation between weight and wealth/poverty/class.

There is. You can see it with your own eyes. And the actual research evidence is out there.

No, it doesn't cost anything to exercise restraint and eat less. But it is undoubtedly much more expensive to eat good, nutritious food. Fattening, sugar-laden food is much, much cheaper. That's a fact.

And not sure what Queen Victoria being overweight has to do with it. She didn't eat a modern diet of processed food.

In ye olden days, poor people were skinny because they didn't have enough food. Rich people were the 'fat cats', able to eat whatever, and as much as, they wanted.

And then things changed.

keyboardjellyfish · 01/08/2017 21:16

Definetely, I went from 13 stone (I'm 5ft so this was obese) to 8.5 stone and wow there was a change! People stopped rudely staring at me and were generally nicer to me.

keyboardjellyfish · 01/08/2017 21:19

And FWIW, I was fatter when I was on a low income because good, fresh, healthy food is expensive and it was cheaper and fitted into my erratic work schedule to eat fast food.
Now I have a proper work schedule and a good wage, I can afford to spend £40/pw for just me and two cats, and I buy good quality fruit, veg and general food stuff, am now vegan AND have time (which really, is the most crucial point here) to actually spend half an hour/an hour making my own meals that are healthy, nutritious and filling. As opposed to fast food which doesn't fill you up and makes you crave more.

BasketOfDeplorables · 01/08/2017 21:46

It's also not all about diet. If you have a nice job that fulfills you and push you well you can afford a gym membership or whatever you like to keep fit. If you're knackered from a job that makes you feel like shit and you can only do stuff that costs nothing then who wants to go for a run in the dark in a dodgy area?

ArgyMargy · 01/08/2017 22:03

If you're fat you eat too much. It's really very simple.

Being fat is not always the reason people are treated unkindly.

HelenaDove · 01/08/2017 22:19

YY. Dowager Cuntess. And also it doesnt do much for poorer peoples motivation knowing that even if they could lose the weight how would they afford to replace their entire wardrobe. Ive gone from a size 28 down to a size 14. So i obvs needed every size in between. And YES your feet shrink too.

And before someone says charity shops.........they do not stock every single shoe size and clothes size known to man. They stock what people donate. Myself and fellow slimming world members donated loads of stuff to local charity shops. But obviously they were larger sizes we had dieted out of. So shopping in there to replace clothes that no longer fit wouldnt have worked.

cos it aint London!

aintnothinbutagstring · 01/08/2017 23:11

I don't really find this, I'm 5'7, size large 14-16 and find people fine/friendly with me, get male attention (though not remotely wanted), husband still finds me attractive. I have friends WC and MC who are a range of sizes big to small, I don't make friends for looks, how awful, it's usually a shared sense of humour. I find it a shame actually that MC women have to work so hard to fit into a particular stereotype (stepford wife). My depression and anxiety is virtually non existent compared to when I was a constant calorie counting size 8.

alittlepieceofme · 02/08/2017 06:51

I have definitely found this, going from a 10 to a large 12 but I think it was more because of me! When I was thin my whole attitude was completely different, the way I carried myself, my confidence etc and that's what people react to!

Holly6474 · 02/08/2017 12:32

I have been varying degrees of fat since I was a teenager and OP is 100% right. From outright abuse in the street to subtle discrimination elsewhere, I have zero doubt that I have experienced poor treatment solely owing to the fact that I'm overweight.

It is extremely depressing.

WaxOnFeckOff · 02/08/2017 12:38

And another point I just realised today, if you were fat and lose weight, fat friends never comment/compliment. I'm sure it's just becasue they maybe feel awkward or something but it is noticeable. Losing weight yourself doesn't mean that you are judging your friends/others if that's what they are thinking, they are still your friends etc. Confused

BoggledMind · 02/08/2017 12:44

This is definitely a thing. My dh was morbidly obese for years and despite having a very good degree and being an intelligent person he has repeatedly been treated as if he is stupid for the duration of the time he was overweight. People would talk slowly to him or over explain very simple things as if his weight meant that his brain no longer functioned. They would also look him up and down, stare at him wherever we went, mutter things about him within earshot etc etc. It's horrible to see someone being treated that way simply because of their weight. I used to hate how people treated him (although he brushed it off as he was used to it).

He has now lost the weight and is a "normal" man size and he is treated completely differently. So yes, I can believe that when you're overweight you are treated differently by some people.

crashandburnt · 02/08/2017 13:22

It's true. I'm carrying a couple of extra stone at the moment and as a result look a bit less polished. My clothes are still clean etc but I don't look as well turned out because of the extra bumps!!

I think I look a bit of a mess when I catch sight of myself in a window for example.

Thinkingofausername1 · 02/08/2017 13:26

Interesting you feel that. I'm often feeling judged Because I'm petite.

HeadfirstForHalos · 02/08/2017 13:32

I've recently lost almost 4st (doing SW , still another 4st to lose) and dropped 3 dress sizes, and I've noticed people being a lot more chatty and friendly to me. But, if I'm honest, it's because my confidence has been massively boosted, and i don't feel "disgusting" anymore (my own opinion of myself) and feel like rather than inadvertently pushing people away because i felt embarrassed and worthless, that I've been more welcoming, friendly and open to people. I think when you're unhappy with yourself you can give off vibes to people and keep them at arms length. It's mostly about confidence, not size , although there is always a minority who have an issue with overweight people, but then I couldn't care less about their opinion of me ☺

HeadfirstForHalos · 02/08/2017 13:34

I'm also putting much more effort into my appearance and look much more polished, I've had lots of compliments. I'm still 4st overweight so you can look tidy and be overweight.