To think people treat you different if you are fat

[Mammylamb]

I have recently put on a few stone which I need to lose. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel that strangers were nicer to me when I was slimmer. It sounds daft, but today at a play park I noticed women looking me up and down and one woman pushed past me (quite rudely) to get into the park. When we went to the swings she couldn't grab her bag quickly enough (really, I wasn't going to steal it.). I know that I'm less attractive when I'm fatter and it makes me look a bit "rough" and (whisper) less middle class. My mums weight also fluctuates and she said she notices a difference in how folk treat her too. Do you think this is right, or are we imagining it?

Being is 90% about not eating.

=

Being thin is 90% about not eating.

Im overweight and haven't had anyone treat me different since I was 15. But I do feel this is all down to yourself and your confidence/insecurities like someone earlier said.

I have a friend who is overweight too and is such an lovely and beautiful person. But she lacks all self confidence and keeps telling me she is being judged by her weight and people comment or laugh at her. I have never ever seen this when I have been with her and I mean we work together so spend a lot of time together (outside work too). I mean we are roughly same size so if people were doing that I would get that too surely. But I am confident and love myself so thats the difference I guess.

I am not saying there aren't people who would treat others differently, but it isn't something that is happening everyday to every single overweight person.

I noticed when I lost a lot of weight id put on when I was pregnant I was being called 'more attractive' all round.
I look at my 'fat' photos and I really don't think I was suddenly unattractive because I'd put on 4 stone. But nearly everyone I know made a comment about my weight loss being a positive one except one guy who said don't lose anymore.
I have a friend who put on the same as me but hasn't lost it and she has said she has the same thing. How she's deemed a lot less unattractive since becoming overweight. (We were both attractive before and never had any problems with attention from anyone and I always though this was our faces) I know this because people say it. They asked what happened to her as if she'd lost an arm or something!!

Trills the steroids I'm on is what most asthmatics take when really bad. A grown man isn't meant to have more than one course every 3 months because of the side effects. My DD was being put on them weekly at one point. The minute she didn't have to take them so often the weight just fell off her. Because it wasn't my poor parenting choices that were causing her to be overweight. It was the medicine that she had to take.

The same has happened to me. They have been putting me on them regularly since my health deteriorated. I dont eat a lot of crap. In fact quite the opposite. The minute the professionals decide I no longer need steroids. The weight will drop off me too.

Re the multiple factors. I thought I had but I'll try again. Lack of education is sometimes it. Lack of time with full time workers. I used to go to college full time and work part time in the evenings. The last thing I'd want to do is come home to have to cook something from scratch when I had two children around my ankle too.

Whilst it is possible and some people do/can find cheaper food. It's not always possible. I've just been to the shop for some milk. Two loaf cakes for £1. Punnets of strawberries. £2. Blueberries and grapes etc more. Fresh veg the same.

If you're on JSA and just been sanctioned and you've got to make a tenner stretch the week. Most fresh fruit goes out the window straight away. Yes there's foodbanks, but again, bus fare to get there and they don't keep perishable items.

Iv been a size 10 a size 18 and every size in between and YANBU

I dunno really. I have about 5 stone to lose and am about a 16/18 at the moment. I definitely get less 'attention' which is fine, but I wouldn't say I was treated differently. I don't know about the class thing, I am very MC and don't think my weight changes that.

My sister is big, I am not. She asked me once what happens if I go to a cafe and eat a doughnut, which confused me. Nothing happens if I go to a cafe and eat a doughnut. If she does it she gets looks, she feels judged. People make her feel bad.

She is one of the hardest workers I know. But in more than one job she's had people try to catch her out for not doing things, when she has done them. She feels this is because in many people's heads, fat=lazy.

It's definitely a thing.

Idk, I have mixed feelings on the topic. I honestly feel like I will have to change my name and run after posting this, but I've always associated overweight/obese people with a negative connotation - though I think that's due to some abuse as a child from an overweight person, so nothing too personal with others. DH and I are fairly enthusiastic about being healthy so we find it a bit annoying when family is blatantly and knowingly destroying their own health... but that's another story.

As far as the "looking rough" bit... I know plenty of bigger people who put themselves together well and still manage a very clean and tidy appearance, so maybe if you'd gained weight as a result of depression or illness it may have limited your ability to "take care of your appearance"... but idk you OP so I hope you don't take it too personally!

There's an article in the DM today about a research project which showed that committing to a Mediterranean diet made no difference to the health outcomes for those earning under £37k or who didn't go to University.

Lower earners couldn't afford to buy organic and bought fresh less often and could afford less fish. Wealth really does make a difference to diet and makes it much easier to eat well.

I know on MN some posters like to pretend that appearances are irrelevant but they are deliberate class, social and wealth signifiers. This is why you won't see Princess Charlotte in a JoJo bow.

It's always been that way. In the 16th and 17th century it was fashionable to be fat as it showed you could afford to eat well. Tans used to be considered appalling symbols of lower class people who worked in the Sun and pale skins were fashionable. The reason that changed was because tans became a signifier that you could afford to go on holiday.

Being thin now often creates multiple assumptions: you are rich enough to eat well, you can afford gym membership, you are educated and intelligent enough to understand the benefits of exercise and healthy eating, you prioritise things like eating well and cooking/exercising above things like gaming or going to the pub or nattering on forums. That you live a 'good' and morally healthy lifestyle worthy of approval or praise which indicates the discipline to be successful materially.

It may well all be rubbish and actually be cocaine but the assumptions are still made.

I've lost 5 stone between births and some mother's I met a baby group the first time when fat haven't recognised me but have been much more welcoming second time round when I'm thin.

Oh, and my job is in events. When I was fat and told people they would wrongly assume that meant I was a steward or leafleter or bar staff. When I'm thin and say that they correctly assume that I plan and organise them.

Wealth really does make a difference to diet and makes it much easier to eat well.

Agreed.

Look at the DOC for example. Everyone says how she always looks so painfully thin than she did at her healthy weight Pre marry Prince William.

I can't remember who it was, but it was someone famous, who was being interviewed once and he had been at the same function as the Cambridge's. She'd apparently asked to swap his dinner for hers as the one she had was too big. It's not that she's not eating anything. It's just that she has the £ to eat well.

I think that people who are thinner get more respect and are treated very differently to those who are overweight. I have seen this often with how people treat my sister and I, one of us is slim and the other not. When we are together the bigger of us gets treated with more respect just by association. It's pathetic. Also, there is a wonderful woman who works with me and has deserved a promotion for years and we all know the only reason she is not getting it (the position is open as they have struggled to find the right candidate), is because her 'face' doesn't fit..she is overweight but more than qualified..it's really not fair!

I think the DOC had the money to eat well before she married William though! Her parents are multimillionaires.

True but even more so now she's royalty and sill only be eating the best of the best.

Oh yes this is true. I was never what you would consider overweight as a teenager, but I was curvy. People told me I was pretty. Then I developed anorexia at 17. Suddenly people told me I was beautiful. How sad is that? I am not underweight now but still very very slim (5'9 size 6/8) When I manage to get out the house and men approach me they make assumptions about what I do - are you an actress, are you in fashion (I am in London and make an effort with how I look so it's not unfeasible). Of course, the truth is I can't work due to ill health. People make assumptions all the time.

Re the income issue. I would agree to some extent. I survive on those 3 for £10 M&S balanced for you meals. I have one once a day and graze on nuts and fruit and low sugar muesli and granola for the rest of the time. Sometimes some fish when I'm feeling flush! Oh and bits of chocolate Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to afford to eat a full healthy lunch everyday! But I already can't afford to have the heating on when I need it. It would be easy to say, well I'll get a fried chicken burger and a can of coke for a £1. But my eating disorder is always hovering.

Away that upset me to read how you were treated re the steroids and weight gain. So unfair.

I have also been on medication that makes me put on weight and when I approached a nurse about my weight gain (she had asked me if I wanted to know how much I'd put on in 6 months) she said look it doesn't matter what medication you're on it's the food you put in your mouth that makes you overweight.
This actually really helped me realign my thinking. She was right. Yes the medication was making me want more food but I was physically able to control myself and I just hadn't been. I got a calorie counting app and scanned/entered everything. Turns out I'd been eating 4000 calories a day. My diet is soooo boring now but if I had to choose between boring eating and being overweight it would be the earlier any day.

This actually really helped me realign my thinking. She was right

She wasn't. I once heard a WW leader day this to another member and corrected them too. Both are wrong.

Steroids are not the same as other meds sunflower. Whilst one med might make you hungrier. Weight gain is a direct result of the side effect of the steroids. The very fact the weight falls off people when they stop taking this is testament to it too.

Not necessarily. I am on steroids and haven't put on any weight. Sunflower had said she was eating 4000 calories a day. It was obviously this fact rather than the medication that made her gain weight.

I eat nowhere near that.

Are you on steroids long term Argy? and which ones?

I don't want to say what medication I was on nor do I want to argue but my weight gain was also on the fact sheet of side effects from the medication and once I came off the medication the weight drops off so so easily because it makes me so much hungrier.
However the only thing causing my weight gain was too many calories in my body.
I dropped my calories eventually to 1200 a day and am back on the medication with no weight gain, perhaps confirm with your doctor that if you consume 1200 calories a day you will still maintain being overweight? I am. I no medical professional, I was just told by one that taking a prescribed medicine which has weight gain as a side effect can be minimised by eating the correct amount of calories for me to maintain a healthy weight. I found that to be true.

I went on the Mini Pill while i was on the slimming world plan. Did not change what i ate. Prior to the Pill i was losing weight. On the Pill i gained. Came off it and lost half a stone in 2 weeks Did not change what i ate all the way through.

Yes they do. I used to weigh 20 stone and the guys at work would barely look me in the eye or bother to offer to help me with stuff. Once I shifted 10 stone they would fall over themselves to talk to me and help. Shallow arseholes not that I'm bitter lol

Steroids are not the same as other meds sunflower. Whilst one med might make you hungrier. Weight gain is a direct result of the side effect of the steroids. The very fact the weight falls off people when they stop taking this is testament to it too.

Steroids do not magically put extra calories in your body.

And while some dickheads might say something similar as a blaming jibe at people who get very overweight on steroids, that is not my intention at all. I understand how much harder it can get to control or lose weight. But you are wrong if you deny that it is the extra calories causing the weight gain.

I've been a size 18. I'm now an 8 and I think the main difference is interest from men. I never used to get chatted up at all and since I've been thin I've had several declarations of love and when I was online dating I really had a lot of interest. Part of that might be how much more confident I feel and act though.

I'm pregnant now though. Not showing yet but will be interested to see how differently people react to that.

Yes, I am a bit heavier now. Size 14, used to be a 10. Sitting on the bus, the other day, my leg was touching the girl who'd sat next to me.
Wasn't spilling over into her space at all but she kept tutting & shifting. She wanted to sit with one of her legs up & crossed over her knee, iyswim.
If anything she was in my space. It's the first time anyone's made me feel uncomfortable. Her petite self was judging my hefty self.
And it really made me feel not nice...