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Original poster

To be fuming with DSIS???

411 replies

K1092902 · 30/07/2017 00:55

DSIS is getting married end of August. I'm maid of honour and DSD2 is supposed to be one of three bridesmaids and DD a flower girl with DNiece.

DSIS is visiting from France tomorrow. They are staying for 3 weeks but we will only be seeing them tomorrow as we go to London on Monday and DM/DF and DSIS are going to Wales for a fortnight a long with future BIL and DNiece.

DSD2 is 18 and we have recently found out she is pregnant.

DM and has told DSIS over the phone sometime this week. I wasn't aware of this and was going to tell her in person when we see her tomorrow

She has now decided she doesn't want DSD being a bridesmaid as she doesn't want to be shown as condoning teenage pregnancy.

DM telephoned me upset 20 mins ago to say DSIS phoned earlier to tell her.

DM has now been put in a position and doesn't want us coming for dinner tomorrow as she knows we will argue.

I'm fuming. I'd be on the phone to her now but she will be driving to Calais to catch her ferry.

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 30/07/2017 00:58

It's not teen pregnancy though, she's 18 and an adult? Confused

Patriciathestripper1 · 30/07/2017 01:01

Wtf? Confused she's an adult isn't she?

Iflyaway · 30/07/2017 01:01

More importantly, is DSD2 ready to be a mother? as in got a house, job, etc.?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 30/07/2017 01:06

Well, technically, Queen, it is because 18 is a teenager ( the clue's in the spelling - eighteen)

However if the wedding's in August and they've all only just found out, she'll hardly be humping her massive bump down the aisle.... She'll prob still fit into her dress.

Up to you, OP. You could resign as MoH if your DSD isn't included.

Sounds like your DM, whilst not wanting to be involved/responsible is actually in it all up to her neck - SHE broke the news to your DSIS and SHE broke the news to you. Is she a drama-lama?

It all depends on how you feel about the wedding, I guess.

PovertyPain · 30/07/2017 01:07

Personally I'd try calmly reasoning with her and if that didn't work I'd tell her to get fucked and find a new bridesmaid. I assume your dsd has been in your life for some time and you consider her one of your family? If so then she deserves your support. Also, is she going to treat your dd the same way, if she falls pregnant in the future?

stella23 · 30/07/2017 01:10

Has she got a bump? I wonder if days wants all eyes on her and not congratulating or taking about anyone other than her

ohfourfoxache · 30/07/2017 01:10

Bloody hell K, when are you going to get a break from all this shit?

Your sister is being an absolute bellend. What a nasty, horrible thing for her to do Sad

I'd be tempted to decline the invite to the wedding tbh, but it depends on how much more crap you think it would cause.

How are things with your "d"p now?

ohfourfoxache · 30/07/2017 01:14

Serving op's mum is spectacularly supportive and close to dsd - not sure that the drama llama description fits (that's not meant to be a dig btw, I just remember op's previous thread)

Storminateapot · 30/07/2017 01:14

Who would even know she is pregnant at that point? Must she wear some kind of badge and declare herself untouchable? It's not as if she's 13 is it? Has she forgotten that dsd is a woman with dominion over her own body?

MauiBrideWithLemonDrizzle · 30/07/2017 01:14

How sad. I can understand her views on teenage pregnancy, plenty of people feel the same way but your DSD is family.
excluding a family member from a wedding seems really crap behaviour tbh

MainGrain · 30/07/2017 01:16

Christ you've enough on your plate without more family being knobs.
In light of that I'd drop maid of honour duties as you can't be seen condoning her stupid reason for no longer involving dsd.

ohfourfoxache · 30/07/2017 01:17

Do you think your mum could talk her round?

NoFucksImAQueen · 30/07/2017 01:20

Oh poor dsd, people seem to insist on making her pregnancy harder than it already is. Shame on your sister!
How are you op? Iv been thinking about you

Original poster
K1092902 · 30/07/2017 01:20

DSD has been in my life since I met DH 10 years ago. She has lived with us FT for nearly 4 years and very much part of the family. Her and DSIS are supposed to be very close so this has come as quite a shock and if I'm honest I'm feeling it's something her DP has decided as I wouldn't have her down as that type of person and that she would be aware how hurt DSD will feel.

Me and DH are OK thanks fox- things are a little frosty but we are getting there.

She's only 13 weeks gone. If you look very close then she is starting to form a bump but nothing obvious.

Don't know how I feel towards DM. I'm pissed off she told DSIS but understand in a way she may of wanted to tell her before she arrived and she encouraged me to do as (as did DH to be fair)

DSD2 is going to be crushed. It will be DD1s first time seeing her since mine and DHs wedding too and they don't know each other very well so that makes it even more awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
K1092902 · 30/07/2017 01:21

*DSD1

OP posts:
Original poster
K1092902 · 30/07/2017 01:29

I'm aware this may be confusing so to clarify:

Me and DH have DD together. He also has 2 daughters from 2 previous relationships- DSD2 has lived with us since her mum passed nearly 4 years ago and she has been around since me and DH met. DSD1 lived with her Mum until a few months ago and we didn't see her very often (2/3 times a year). DSD2 is very close with my family and DSD1 will be the same in time but doesn't know them very well at the moment- she has only met my sister once and my parents a dozen times mostly over the past couple of months while she has been local/living with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
K1092902 · 30/07/2017 01:30

I'm doing Ok thanks No Fucks. It's lovely that you have asked Smile

OP posts:
zzzzz · 30/07/2017 01:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohfourfoxache · 30/07/2017 01:40

I know it's a very unMNetty thing to say, but I really wish I could reach through the screen and give you a massive .

You shouldn't have to be putting up with all this shit. Surely anyone with half an ounce of sense can see that you're not having an easy time of it and should be doing all they can to make things as easy as possible for you?

I know I said that your mum was spectacularly supportive, but I didn't realise she went behind your back (should really learn to read properly). That wasn't exactly the most helpful thing she could have done. Do you think she could have words with her? Completely agree, dsd is going to be devastated about this, and the long term effects are going to be felt for a very long time

User02 · 30/07/2017 02:22

I am wondering if DSis has the right to any moral high ground. Who is DNiece? If DNiece is DSis's daughter, and DSis is getting married in a few weeks this would mean that DNiece was born out of wedlock.
Personally it would not make any difference to me. I would hope that my DCs, DSC, DNieces and DNephews and all and any others were happy and healthy as were any DC of the above.
However if DNiece is the child of DSis she should not be showing your DD and DSD 1 or 2 that it is acceptable to have a child out of wedlock while complaining that DSD2 should not be pregnant and to have DSD2 as bridesmaid would be condoning teenage pregnancy.
Assuming DSis is not a teenager she should have known better.

These are my views on the DSis and her attitude to DSD2. I have stated that I assumed Dniece is DD of DSis.

I would accept any child no matter what the circumstances. (and have done)

honeysucklejasmine · 30/07/2017 02:33

Are you the poster where you DH kicked off big time at the pregnancy news? Poor DSD, she's been through enough already. Sad

I would talk to your sister. She may have got the wrong end of the stick regarding how visibly pregnant she is. After all, she is worried about how it would look, so if noone would be able to tell then no big deal.

MauiBrideWithLemonDrizzle · 30/07/2017 02:48

honeysucklejasmine

are you the poster whose DH kicked off big time when he discovered that DSD was pregnant? I doubt it- different username. I must admit, I was shocked at that thread- I didn't think in this day and age parents actually threw their kids out for getting pregnant. Except in strict religious communities, maybe.

TheMaddHugger · 30/07/2017 03:11

Big (((((((((((Hugs)))))))) for DSD. And a ((((Hug))))) for you too.

I'm glad DSD has you in her corner.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/07/2017 03:17

Leave your mum out of it and email your "D" Sis. Tell her that as she has acted so appallingly, none of you will be attending her wedding and that you hope that if she ever decides to become a mother she will one day understand what a cruel thing she has done. Dont see her tomorrow.

This would be NC territory for me I am afraid.

MauiBrideWithLemonDrizzle · 30/07/2017 03:19

TheMaddHugger DSD is very blessed to have such a wonderful mum. Hoping things work out for you all, OP.

Flowers for you and DSD