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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with DSIS???

411 replies

K1092902 · 30/07/2017 00:55

DSIS is getting married end of August. I'm maid of honour and DSD2 is supposed to be one of three bridesmaids and DD a flower girl with DNiece.

DSIS is visiting from France tomorrow. They are staying for 3 weeks but we will only be seeing them tomorrow as we go to London on Monday and DM/DF and DSIS are going to Wales for a fortnight a long with future BIL and DNiece.

DSD2 is 18 and we have recently found out she is pregnant.

DM and has told DSIS over the phone sometime this week. I wasn't aware of this and was going to tell her in person when we see her tomorrow

She has now decided she doesn't want DSD being a bridesmaid as she doesn't want to be shown as condoning teenage pregnancy.

DM telephoned me upset 20 mins ago to say DSIS phoned earlier to tell her.

DM has now been put in a position and doesn't want us coming for dinner tomorrow as she knows we will argue.

I'm fuming. I'd be on the phone to her now but she will be driving to Calais to catch her ferry.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 30/07/2017 12:57

She's being incredibly cruel. How does she imagine this is going to pan out, is she still expect your DSD to attend the wedding? And are you all supposed to sit there being all smiles and wishing her (your sister) well.

In your shoes, I couldn't attend this wedding.

FanwankTheAbsurd · 30/07/2017 12:57

Another vote here for telling her to shove the wedding up her own arsehole. What a shitty thing to do. I hope you pull your whole family out of the wedding and do something nice instead.

RiversrunWoodville · 30/07/2017 12:57

So sorry dsis is being like this. After how supportive and lovely you have been to dsd and the fact you and DH are getting back on track I really think you all have to stick together on this. I'm not advocating going NC for ever more and not attending wedding at all but simply saying if dsd isn't a bm then none of you will be in the wedding party. Cake for dsd and Wine for you K

ememem84 · 30/07/2017 13:01

I'd be pulling out of being part of the wedding party.

That's not on. Really not on.

Moussemoose · 30/07/2017 13:05

This isn't the 1950's and even if it was your sister is being hideously judgmental and unsupportive.

I'm afraid that is a wedding I would not be attending.

BeepBeepMOVE · 30/07/2017 13:07

This reply has been deleted

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Oldraver · 30/07/2017 13:08

If your sister is getting all moralistic how come she didnt get married before DN was born >

I don't give two hoots myself if people are married or not but it is a bit hypocritical of your DSIS

Rubies12345 · 30/07/2017 13:08

So niece is your sister's daughter?

It's all a bit hypocritical then.

ChasedByBees · 30/07/2017 13:08

I wouldn't go to the wedding at all. There's no need to subject your DSD to that level of judgement.

ememem84 · 30/07/2017 13:12

beep really? At 13 weeks surely you'd barely notice, so how could it look tacky?

Obviously it all depends on the person but I barely showed at 13 weeks. I only really started showing at 25 weeks. Am now 31 weeks and it's fairly obvious.

lightgreenglass · 30/07/2017 13:13

BeepBeepMove wow - how incredibly shallow.

Original poster
K1092902 · 30/07/2017 13:14

BeepBeep do you not think it's "mean" to ostracize your own DSNiece from a wedding when she has relied on you for some support when either myself or my DH haven't been around and you were supposed to have a close relationship?

Nobody is saying this situation is ideal and if I could turn back the clock- I will hold my hands up and admit I would do in a heartbeat. But I can't and I have to make best of the situation and support what my DSD wants.

And funnily enough- step child or not, my children come before anybody.

You are of course entitled to your opinion but I seriously hope you never find yourself in this position because your going to end up making yourself a lot of enemies.

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 30/07/2017 13:14

This is so horrible. Your poor DSD. As if she didn't have enough on her plate with her dad.

Flowers for you both and good wishes.

Beenbadwolf · 30/07/2017 13:17

BeepBeep your comments are shallow, judgemental and callous.

I'm glad I don't have a sister/friend with your views in real life.

Original poster
K1092902 · 30/07/2017 13:17

I honestly don't think I want to go if I'm honest. I'm not the sort of person to stand there and pretend everything is OK- not to mention we know 70% of the people attending who believe I am maid of honour and DSD2 will be a bridesmaid and DD flower girl so if we just attend as guests then people are going to ask questions and heaven forbid if I stand there and tell somebody the truth on her big day.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 30/07/2017 13:18

This reply has been deleted

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PyongyangKipperbang · 30/07/2017 13:18

If I was a guest at this wedding and heard that the bride had done this then I would think twice about going tbh. I wouldnt want to be associated with someone like that.

Nearly10to9 · 30/07/2017 13:18

BeepBeepMOVE

Pregnant bridesmaids aren't great at any age but at 18 it will make her wedding look super tacky especially for photos.

I wouldn't want her as a BM.

A time to celebrate family (A wedding) and you wouldn't want a pregnant bridesmaid?
ODFOD

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/07/2017 13:19

Oh and I wouldnt be giving her houseroom tomorrow either.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 30/07/2017 13:19

I would not go to that wedding.

Beenbadwolf · 30/07/2017 13:22

Searched BeepBeepMOVE other posts. Posting vile comments is norm for them.

OP I wouldn't want to go to the wedding. If you did, what kind of message is that sending your DSD?

diddl · 30/07/2017 13:23

So her daughter is a flower girl-but no pregnant teenage Bmaids allowed??

Hahahaha!

I wouldn't go.

justilou1 · 30/07/2017 13:25

Can I once again commend you on your fierce mothering, OP? You are AWESOME and your family are so lucky to have you!

BannedFromNarnia · 30/07/2017 13:25

This is really horrible. I am not sure I could be part of the wedding in these circumstances either.

I think it might need to be a calm chat with your sister where you say 'I understand you've made the decision with your DP and we're sorry to hear it, but of course it's your wedding, so DSD won't be in it. However we too are a family and I want to support all my daughters, so I can't be your MoH anymore and DD won't be a flower girl. We'll understand if that means you don't want us there at all."

I suspect that means that DSD will be swiftly reinstated: nothing draws attention away from a bride quicker than the whispered rumour around the reception as to why half her family aren't there. And she's behaved with a shitty lack of compassion and been really judgemental so she deserves it.

Donttouchthethings · 30/07/2017 13:25

OP, just be calm. Tell her how it is and give her the choice: all or none.