To be fuming with DSIS???

[K1092902]

DSIS is getting married end of August. I'm maid of honour and DSD2 is supposed to be one of three bridesmaids and DD a flower girl with DNiece.

DSIS is visiting from France tomorrow. They are staying for 3 weeks but we will only be seeing them tomorrow as we go to London on Monday and DM/DF and DSIS are going to Wales for a fortnight a long with future BIL and DNiece.

DSD2 is 18 and we have recently found out she is pregnant.

DM and has told DSIS over the phone sometime this week. I wasn't aware of this and was going to tell her in person when we see her tomorrow

She has now decided she doesn't want DSD being a bridesmaid as she doesn't want to be shown as condoning teenage pregnancy.

DM telephoned me upset 20 mins ago to say DSIS phoned earlier to tell her.

DM has now been put in a position and doesn't want us coming for dinner tomorrow as she knows we will argue.

I'm fuming. I'd be on the phone to her now but she will be driving to Calais to catch her ferry.

She can vote, die for her country and get a bank loan but to fall pregnant is shameful and embarrassing enough to the bride that her invitation to be a bridesmaid is being withdrawn? She is a fecking adult ffs. Talk about holier than thou. It is 2017 not 1817. Your sister needs to grow the fuck up and realise the situation is not ideal but it is happening so a little support would be more helpful than more condemnation and punishment. She is part of your family. End of.

But isnt the pregnant neice still welcome at the wedding, just not as a brides maid? ! It's really not that big a deal, i've known people to get dropped as bridesmaids after they've got pregnant and did not take it so personally. She's about to become a single teenage mum, she's gonna have alot bigger fish to fry than some overblown wedding drama.

Seems to me, DSD should have been the one to have mentioned the pregnancy to DSIS if it was necessary to have mentioned it at all as in any way relevant to carrying a few flowers for an hour or so.

She never got the chance to 'mention it'.
Ops mum told her sister before she saw anyone. OP was going to tell her when she got back to UK to visit her but her mum butted in first.

My kids are mad and the op sound wonderful. I wish I had people like this in my life!

I think another concern for me would be dsis partner. Coincidentally her sil is ready to be matron of honour.
I wonder if there are some control issues. Don't burn bridges yet op, sis might need you.
Perhaps it's worth sitting down and talking to dsd and discussing these issues and going to the wedding so she understands that there could be other issues at play.
I certainly wouldn't burn all bridges although I would be deeply hurt.

And I'm sorry but I think your mum is a shit stirrer wrapped in gilt packaging. Your df seems to recognise that to.

Regardless, it's easy for people on an anonymous forum to say don't go to the wedding etc but you need to look at the long term repercussions.

I think another concern for me would be dsis partner. Coincidentally her sil is ready to be matron of honour.
I wonder if there are some control issues. Don't burn bridges yet op, sis might need you.

^^ I agree with this

Anymore conversation op?

It will obviously be a blow to your DSD2, but your DSis is entitled to chose her bridesmaids.

One thing I did wonder - how does DSD1 feel about not being a bridesmaid? She didn't get picked at all.

The last time I checked it was 2017 - when I was 18 (30 years ago) it wasn't a mortal sin to be an unmarried, pregnant teenager and it certainly isn't now. In fact it seems that less and less mothers these days are married before they have children. I think it's unsupportive of the bride to exclude DSD2. An expectant mother needs lots of support and love from those around her and can do without someone deliberately upsetting her because of their own old fashioned views

One thing I did wonder - how does DSD1 feel about not being a bridesmaid? She didn't get picked at all.

The OP mentioned further up the thread that her sister barely knows her other stepdaughter.

Did you go to the wedding OP?