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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD has changed her name, AIBU to feel rejected

355 replies

fabyoulouse · 28/07/2017 17:58

DD has never liked her name so it shouldn't come as a surprise really. She used to get really upset whenever someone pronounced it incorrectly, which happens a lot, and people don't always pay any attention when she corrects them.

She also claims it makes her "stand out" and she just wants to "blend in". So she is off to sixth form college in September and thinks now is a good time. She has her father's support so they have filled in a form online and she's paid for it herself.

I can't help but feel rejected. Perhaps because I chose her name and so she's always aimed any anger about it towards me.

OP posts:
MrsDc7 · 28/07/2017 17:59

What is it?

Rossigigi · 28/07/2017 17:59

What was her name?

Original poster
fabyoulouse · 28/07/2017 18:00
Hmm
OP posts:
DonaldStott · 28/07/2017 18:00

Can't you be happy that your daughter doing this for herself, will make her happy.

Why should she be saddled for life with a name she hates?

Bluntness100 · 28/07/2017 18:00

What is her name please? It's hard to tell without knowing it. As you may have been unreasonable to give her it, or it's perfectly fine and she is unreasonble teenager.

inkzooka · 28/07/2017 18:01

YAB a little U. It's not your name and you don't have to live with it - perhaps she didn't tell you beforehand because she knew you would be upset about it and try to stop her?

It's understandable why you're upset, but you're projecting too many feelings onto a name. This is part of why I'm so afraid to change mine, because my parents will be upset :/

CatLoverForever · 28/07/2017 18:01

It's fair enough, I don't like my name.

QueenLaBeefah · 28/07/2017 18:01

That would upset me too.

Original poster
fabyoulouse · 28/07/2017 18:01

Thanks, Donald I am in a way although I feel as I say a bit like it's a rejection of me which probably is silly. I'm also not keen on the name she's chosen, objectively there's nothing at all wrong with it and it's a nice timeless name but it's not one I'd have ever personally chosen.

OP posts:
supadupapupascupa · 28/07/2017 18:01

You haven't been rejected. Your choice of name for her has. It doesn't need to be a "thing" but it will be if you make it. She sounds like a lovely head strong and independent woman.
To be fair with some of the names i'm coming across at school I wouldn't be surprised if more and more kids do this in a few years....

Loopytiles · 28/07/2017 18:02

Yabu if she's genuinely never liked it.

ShatnersBassoon · 28/07/2017 18:03

It's fair enough. She can easily change something that is making her unhappy.

Did you choose something very unusual?

Millipedewithherfeetup · 28/07/2017 18:03

Need to know the name to be able to give an opinion on who is b u

Moanyoldcow · 28/07/2017 18:03

I think you have to accept it - it's her name. What is it? It's it unusual or does it have a non standard spelling?

A friend of mine changed her name when we were about 11 - she had a Greek name and was utterly tired of all the mispronunciations and (ridiculous) pisstaking. Her parents were upset but allowed her to as she had to live with it every day.

lmer · 28/07/2017 18:03

Yabu- ultimately it's her name, and she has a right to be called what she likes.

Original poster
fabyoulouse · 28/07/2017 18:03

She had a very intense talk with her father on holiday and the gist of it was that she dreaded introducing herself because of her name.

I respect that. But she's so angry about it. It's as if she thinks I gave her a name she didn't like to spite her.

OP posts:
inkzooka · 28/07/2017 18:03

I also don't see why she has to have a ridiculous name to not like it? My name is anything but ridiculous. I don't want to change it to a ridiculous one, just one that suits me.

witchofzog · 28/07/2017 18:05

What is the name? It's hard to tell without knowing it

inkzooka · 28/07/2017 18:05

I think it should be clear why OP can't give her teenage daughter's name out on a public forum, especially if it's a less well known one? The name won't have been changed yet or on like, any newspaper articles or possibly even facebook.

supadupapupascupa · 28/07/2017 18:05

she's angry because it was beyond her control and she's a teenager. she has handled it in a mature manner by changing it.

Gwenethgryn · 28/07/2017 18:05

I'd be really upset by this too and imagine it will be hard to adjust to after such a long time. There's nothing you can do though, you have to let her do what she feels is right for her. But you're not BU for feeling hurt. Will she keep her old name at all eg as a middle name?

Bluntness100 · 28/07/2017 18:05

If she dreads introducing herself because of it, it makes her stand out and folks can't pronounce it, I'm guessing it's something out there?

I can' see why someone would be angry about that to be honest.

glamourousgranny42 · 28/07/2017 18:06

Don't be upset. I changed my name for a variety of reasons and my mum was ok about it but my dad never understood why and still calls me by my old name. I did keep my old name as a middle name, just added the new one. Sounds like she wants a new start for the new stage of her life. Maybe she is angry because she feels the name represents an image of her that isn't true. She might see your lack of support over this a lack of support for her self autonomy. I think you should support her decision.

Crumbs1 · 28/07/2017 18:06

It's the name she's rejecting not you. Seems a very sensible solution.

Original poster
fabyoulouse · 28/07/2017 18:06

Thank you. Yes, she is keeping her old name as a middle name.

Someone has already explained why it's not a good idea for me to give her name out. I don't think that would be fair at all. It's a Welsh name, her father's side of the family are Welsh but we live in England.

OP posts: