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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD has changed her name, AIBU to feel rejected

355 replies

fabyoulouse · 28/07/2017 17:58

DD has never liked her name so it shouldn't come as a surprise really. She used to get really upset whenever someone pronounced it incorrectly, which happens a lot, and people don't always pay any attention when she corrects them.

She also claims it makes her "stand out" and she just wants to "blend in". So she is off to sixth form college in September and thinks now is a good time. She has her father's support so they have filled in a form online and she's paid for it herself.

I can't help but feel rejected. Perhaps because I chose her name and so she's always aimed any anger about it towards me.

OP posts:
Happyhippy45 · 28/07/2017 19:03

My dd changed her completely normal name to another completely normal name. I was a hurt as me and her dad chose that name for her just after she was born. She suited the name. I felt like she was rejecting us.
She was most definite trying to reinvent herself and escape from the tough times she is going through. Th name change hasn't improved her circumstance.
I sometimes slip up and call her by the wrong name and she occasionally corrects me. She understands it's a lot to get used to and I'm not being disrespectful.
I ALWAYS indroduce her by her new name to people and always call her by her new name when out in public.
She can always change it back if it doesn't work out for her I suppose.

rainbowpie · 28/07/2017 19:04

We're in England but DD has a traditional Irish name. She is 3. I'd be gutted if she changed it. I'd support her but I'd be gutted. In saying that, I hate my name! I'm an 80s baby with an old fashioned name (which is now quite popular) and I wanted to change it when I was younger.

MeltingSnowflake · 28/07/2017 19:05

My first and middle names are weird, hard to spell and difficult to pronounce and I'm not particularly fond of them, but I wouldn't change them - they're me! I have to say though, I do like having an unusual name and always have.

That being said, we're all different and I understand where your DD is coming from - equally I understand why you feel hurt by it, I think I would too. You put a lot of time and effort into choosing a name you loved and it's totally understandable that you feel rejected.

But at least she's keeping it as a middle name - that's probably a nod to you - and if it makes her happier and her life easier, then I'd try my hardest to get on board.

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 28/07/2017 19:06

I do understand why you are hurt, when we go through the process of choosing a name for our baby its always about love and how they will fit in our family, sometimes after family members we are particularly close to and about how we see them, I can see why this would feel like a rejection. Maybe the way to look at it is not as a rejection of you but as her growing up and gaining her own sense of identity.

I do think that there will be quite an increase in the number of people name changes in the future, I remember a fair few dodgy fucking awful names when working as a midwife

MrsJayy · 28/07/2017 19:08

My friends Sister changed her name 3 times her original name was an -Anne name then she changed it to a flowery flouncy name then changed it to a normal name i always got confused and would forget and her poor mother didn't know what to call her

londonmummy1966 · 28/07/2017 19:09

I've always hated mine - never changed it but wish I had between uni and work....

lljkk · 28/07/2017 19:10

I changed my name (to something random I just liked) when I was a kid.
My mom totally understood, said "Why shouldn't she be called what she prefers".
To boot... I was named after my Ma. It was her own name I didn't want for me. She still didn't get upset (my Mam could get upset over lots of daft things, just not this).
I can't help but feel that OP has been over-sensitive. tbf, this comes up often on MN & many people would feel like OP.

Sounds like there are other conflicts going on & those are the real problem.

LogicalPsycho · 28/07/2017 19:12

Personally, I wouldn't blink at hearing a Bronwen being introduced next to Megan and Chloé, OP.
Argylwyddes I would

But your DD clearly does feel that way.
Your name is a huge part of your identity. If she truly does hate her name, then it will likely impact upon her self-esteem, and possibly even induce shyness in her new college environment because she feels apprehensive about introducing herself.

There must be quite a history of it causing her issues during school, for her to actively put this change into motion as soon as it's legal without your consent.

She can do it with or without your consent and blessing now, so I would support her.
YANBU to be upset though.

GreenTulips · 28/07/2017 19:12

I hate my name as well and my mother knows this since i was about 6 - wish I'd changed it - still might!

I left a job as the boss and then everyone else lose shortened it to something dreadful and I really hate that more

MikeUniformMike · 28/07/2017 19:13

user1468... which names do you think sound like you have a mouthful of phlegm?

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 28/07/2017 19:13

I have a welsh name, no Welsh heritage, awkward spelling, not an especially pretty one. Growing up I wanted to be called Sarah! But I think my mum would have been incredibly hurt if I'd taken active steps to change my name, as I would be in your position OP having chosen names for my children that mean a lot to me for all the reasons Higgledy gave above.

As it happens, I did my best to reject my mother from the ages of 12-15 each. Came out the other side in year 12. Hopefully this won't last for you and your DD!

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 28/07/2017 19:14

Has she generally got low self esteem? I wonder if she thinks her life will be transformed with her name changed? Hope she's not disappointed

I was wondering that, too. TBH it would bother me if my DD changed her name.

MikeUniformMike · 28/07/2017 19:18

GreenTulips, why don't you just introduce yourself by a different name when you start a new job. For example, just say to the HR/recruiter that you'd prefer to be known as Sally (or whatever) even though your real name is GreenTulips.

GreatFuckability · 28/07/2017 19:18

mouthful of phlegm.......nice. not at all xenophobic. Hmm

The name Bronwyn is incorrect anyway, for a woman. the suffix -wyn is masculine in welsh.

NoFucksImAQueen · 28/07/2017 19:18

I see both sides and I can understand why you're hurt. We put a lot of thought into naming our kids and then their name becomes them so you can't imagine them having ever being anything else. To have them then say I actually hate the name you chose for me must hurt.

On the other side of things, I have an Irish name but I'm English and grew up in England and Scotland. We moved around a lot for my dads job and I was painfully shy so I hated introducing myself. Nobody could ever spell my name and I thought and still do think it's quite ugly compared to the many pretty names out there.

HellAintABadPlaceToBe · 28/07/2017 19:19

I have a very unusual name, only met 2 people with the same name and I hated it when I was a teen! I'm now 39 and happy with it (probably got used to it!) could've changed it but I have no idea what I'd have changed it to!

I always wished I could've had something cool like Darcy or Taylor or yes even Bronwen but never mind...!

reup · 28/07/2017 19:19

No op - I meant that to the poster who changed her middle name as a present to herself. I realise your daughter hates both her names.

Original poster
fabyoulouse · 28/07/2017 19:19

Her name isn't Bronwen. Bronwen is her first name. It is a bit confusing, I know.

OP posts:
InvisableLobstee · 28/07/2017 19:20

I think you might need to do a diagram.

GreenTulips · 28/07/2017 19:21

I'd really like to be Sally! How odd!

TheSockGoblin · 28/07/2017 19:21

Personally I think you've been more unreasonable to not encourage her to change it sooner if she hated it that much and was so embarassed by it.

This sort of thing pisses me off - why would you let your child be upset by their name for the entirety of secondary school and take it as a rejeciton when they are finally old enough to sort it out for themselves.

Once you knew how much it bothered her you should have supported her to change it, not got all winhey, precious and mememem about your feelings about a name that does not belong to you.

I think it's massively self-obsessed and selfish and if I was in this situaiton I would be highly pissed off that my own mother did not respect me enough and my upset baout MY OWN name to support me in changing it, but instead making it all about them and how they feel. You don't own her or her name. Get over it and support your daughter.

user1493630944 · 28/07/2017 19:21

Just go with it, in 10/15 years time she will probably tell you she wonders why she bothered.

MsLexicon · 28/07/2017 19:22

Rainbow
Unicorn
Spudulika

All very bad names

user1492287253 · 28/07/2017 19:22

i hated my name as a teen. still not fond of it but it took me having the charge of choosing a name for dd1 that made me realise that my mum probably thought a lot about it and loved me!

araiwa · 28/07/2017 19:24

This thread should be linked every time someone asks 'aibu to call my child (something odd)'

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