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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD has changed her name, AIBU to feel rejected

355 replies

fabyoulouse · 28/07/2017 17:58

DD has never liked her name so it shouldn't come as a surprise really. She used to get really upset whenever someone pronounced it incorrectly, which happens a lot, and people don't always pay any attention when she corrects them.

She also claims it makes her "stand out" and she just wants to "blend in". So she is off to sixth form college in September and thinks now is a good time. She has her father's support so they have filled in a form online and she's paid for it herself.

I can't help but feel rejected. Perhaps because I chose her name and so she's always aimed any anger about it towards me.

OP posts:
Scaredycat3000 · 01/08/2017 20:00

Bloody hell Angharad in England?! Shortened to Harry for the Angharad I know. I've suffered enough with my surname, that must have been hell if you weren't using an abbreviation like Harry. I too would have been angry. Nothing wrong with Angharad if you live in a place that knows the name.

mathanxiety · 01/08/2017 20:01

I have always been known by a name that is the Irish form of my official name. It causes all sorts of issues for people who see it written, and many people get the pronunciation wrong even after hearing it.

I realise I can't extrapolate from my own experience but I find it hard to understand why someone's reaction to hearing her name mispronounced would be anger or the sort of persistent consternation that would cause her to consider a name change.

Blossomdeary · 01/08/2017 20:03

Food for thought for all those who fancy unusual names for their new babies.

TheGrumpySquirrel · 01/08/2017 20:12

@VeryButchyRestingFace I love your username!

Beebee7 · 01/08/2017 20:29

ANN-HARRAD with a strong emphasis on the H to make it sound Welsh IYSWIM.

That's how Angharad is pronounced. I know because I have a cousin with that name.

I like the name, but have to say I slightly prefer Eleanor. However, I can't fathom why the OP's daughter didn't change her name to Anna.

Atenco · 01/08/2017 21:22

"I realise I can't extrapolate from my own experience but I find it hard to understand why someone's reaction to hearing her name mispronounced would be anger or the sort of persistent consternation that would cause her to consider a name change"

Yeap, strangers never know how to pronounce my dd's name and she used to compete in Irish dancing. It got so when the judge came out with some weird sound we knew she had won something. She also had a very common name she could have used if she'd wanted to but she dropped the common one instead.

CheshireChat · 01/08/2017 21:53

Firstly, she doesn't have to pay anything to get her name changed other than for the passport.

DP changed his name and used Free deed poll website and we've had no issues. Just print it on some nice parchment paper that you can buy from hobbycraft and the like.

Heck, it might be a good way to show you're supportive of her choice.

FWIW, we've picked an atrocious first name for poor DS, albeit an easy to pronounce one, but at least he has his middle name I guess Sad. I do still like the name but I can see why he'd dislike it.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 01/08/2017 21:56

Food for thought for all those who fancy unusual names for their new babies

Angharad is hardly unusual. Very run of the mill in Wales and well known elsewhere in Britain. The issue here is not the name, clearly.

hooochycoo · 01/08/2017 22:03

I changed my name when I was 16, and kept my originalfirst name as my middle name. My mum was upset ( as was my sister!) .

I needed to do it and I'm glad I did!

underneaththeash · 01/08/2017 22:20

Okay I'm confused Karen and Seren to me are pronounced the same Ka-ren and Se-ren and Angharad is Ann-hared. (I'm from Stockport, but live in Bucks so have a low northern accent).

My welsh grandfather changed his name from Maldwyn to Paul when he went into the Army, not by deed poll mind, but just to fit in more.

I actually love the name bronwyn, its beautiful. I wouldn't make a fuss about it though.

Italiangreyhound · 01/08/2017 22:45

Agree with BertrandRussell it seems a very nature thing to do. How many people have said they wished they had changed their name on this thread alone!

mathanxiety · 02/08/2017 06:11

Au contraire, wishing to change your name seems quite common (or maybe people who did so are attracted to a thread that reminds them of this phase they went through) but the number who actually go through with it seems small.

That is why the DD is unusual, though not many people mention the sort of anger and inability to cope with mispronunciation that the OP mentions, and these elements also mark the DD as unusual.

This is why I feel the anger and irritation associated with her name and its pronunciation should be dealt with.

Headofthehive55 · 02/08/2017 07:04

I'm laughing at her problem with mispronunciation. And then choosing Eleanor.
That's pronounced several different ways.

Headofthehive55 · 02/08/2017 07:06

I think it's a hugely upsetting thing to the parents. Perhaos say to her you no longer wish to be called mum, your choice of course, and see if she understands why it's made you unhappy.

MagdalenNoName · 02/08/2017 08:33

Our children are not our possessions. And as they grow up we have to let them go. All sorts of choices they make - about the lives they live , the partners they choose, the way they bring up their own children - are ones that we may disagree with. We can still tell them about what we think and feel and do of course. But unless we give them freedom and respect, we are essentially being pretty crap parents.

MirabelleTree · 02/08/2017 08:43

It's ax upsetting as you let it be in my experience. We were going to get DD's name chanfex officially on passport etc for her 18th as it seemed fitting that we as her parents who originally named her acknowledged the name she has been known by 5 years at that point but to my surprise she wasn't 100% sure she wanted to do it officially at that point so held off.

OrlandaFuriosa · 02/08/2017 09:11

Completely understand why you feel rejected. I would, both by the change of name and by the fact they did it together without you.

Completely also understand it's made worse by unhappy/uncertain teen venting her anger at the world via this target at you, one of the few people who gives her unconditional love. But the latter is why she can be angry with you.

. Teenagerdom is dire.

But can you bring good out of uncertainty? Can you have an equivalent to baptism ritual, e.g. A celebration of her new name day? Like a saints day celebration if you were Catholic? It may not be your choice, but it's a good classic name, and she's kept it , your choice and the Welsh heritage bit for both of you even if tucked away? If you decide to celebrate it, your good memories will soon be more numerous than the others.

I'd take her out to a quiet family supper to congratulate her on where she's got to, wish her well for this new stage if her life, college, name etc, I'd even give her something like a silver ID bracelet with her new name/initials on, to give her tangible proof you accept the name and love her.

OrlandaFuriosa · 02/08/2017 09:22

Ps, I like both names. But at least one of the Angharads I know is also Harry . And I have a name that everyone spells wrongly. There are two ways if spelling it, mine is the classical one. Then there is also a French version which a lot of people have, more than have my name. Then there are the misspellers. It's dreadful.

Think Janet/Janette/Jeanette or Maria/Marie/Mary/Mhairi.

GreenTulips · 02/08/2017 09:24

Do fathers do this when daughter get married and change their names?

We all accept the new name as 'normal'

Remarriage brings changes as well -

Roomba · 02/08/2017 12:45

I'm reminded of the guy who changed his name by deed poll to 'Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards', after a long running complaint with them. He won a small claims case against them IIRC, and they then had to send him a cheque made out to his new name Grin

I suppose it could be worse, OP - Look what this lad changed his name to!

MikeUniformMike · 02/08/2017 12:58

*beebee7", Angharad is NOT pronounced ANN_HARRAD. It is ANG-HARRAD. ANG as in Anger but without the G, sound.

NG in welsh is pronounced like the NG in the English word THING.

If someone whose own name is Anharad can't pronounce it then no wonder OP's daughter got fed up.

MikeUniformMike · 02/08/2017 13:00

oops. typo. Angharad not Anharad.

BTW. In Welsh Ng is a letter so there isn't a letter N in Angharad. It's a 7 letter name. 8 characters but 7 letters.

Beebee7 · 02/08/2017 15:36

@Mikeuniformmike

The way you have described the pronunciation of ANGHARAD is exactly how I said you pronounce it! Confused You just described it slightly differently!!! Confused

I do know how it's pronounced. I know someone personally with that name!

MikeUniformMike · 02/08/2017 15:48

Oh OK beebs. Thanks for letting me know.
Ang-HAR-ad. It's very popular in Wales. Popular enough to make it a bit "Oh, another one".
I know several (including cousins), and many with it as a middle name. Not the same ones obviously, that would be silly.

Ifitquackslikeaduck · 03/08/2017 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.