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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my friend stay in my house for £30 a week

216 replies

Thisismyusername1989 · 24/07/2017 19:20

He's a bit of a spoilt princess. He's found himself in a position where he won't be starting his new job until first September and will be leaving his job on Friday.

He's got a job in the meantime as bank staff and it is 10 miles form my house.

His home is 40 minutes drive away so he has informed me he will be staying at mine for three weeks and will give me £30 a week.

He'd have to just sleep on the sofa as I have only two bedrooms and have two children who have a bunk bed.

He says he doesn't mind.

I haven't agreed yet but he's just presumed. He text me the time he will be arriving.

AIBU to say no or do you think that would be a bit mean? I'd probably do it for £50 but £30 would only cover his electric and food!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/07/2017 08:40

I think I'd reply along the lines of

"That's hilarious, no way would I consider giving up my space for less than £100 per week plus assurance sofa sleeper would share cooking and washing up/cleaning! You really are funny at times, sure you'd rather commute than pay for my inconvenience and stay at mine. Perhaps you could come over for a meal one evening instead. X"

AnnieOH1 · 25/07/2017 08:43

Sorry need to go out so only read first page. Two options;

If you don't value his friendship tell him to whistle Dixie and go NC.

If you do value his friendship (and assuming your kids are not adults) just say it simply won't work because of the summer holidays, you'd love to help but you can't do that to your kids. Xxx

CauliflowerSqueeze · 25/07/2017 08:51

Did you say no yet?

diddl · 25/07/2017 09:13

If he won't be homeless I don't get it at all tbh.

He'll have an hrs commute for August?

(why not just have the time off if it's such a problem?)

InvisableLobstee · 25/07/2017 09:18

I don't think you should focus on the money side of it, it's the inconvenience of having someone to stay for an extended period when you don't have the space. Ok for an overnight on the sofa after a night out or something, but 3 weeks would be a nightmare.

Leapfrog44 · 25/07/2017 17:49

This is very weird.

If it was me I'd bend over backwards to help a close friend and wouldn't accept any money but he doesn't sound like a close friend by the tone.

In terms of cash, £30 seems perfectly reasonable to me if he's contributing to food and helping to cook.

The sticking point for me would be the sheer irritation of having someone crashing on your sofa. 1 week would be fine but 3 is a lot.

Word of warning, I did this once to help and the guy turned out to be a paedo! He smoked in the house, left doors open and generally caused total havoc.

Make sure you know him very well if you decide to help!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/07/2017 17:52

I'd be saying no. It's the holidays. Your kids deserve some downtime and not tiptoeing around the front room.

It's a massive imposition when you don't have a spare room. And still quite a big ask when you do have the space. It changes the whole dynamic of a house.

If it was a real emergency. Of course. But it's not. It's to save him a few minutes in bed in the morning.

just a no that doesn't work for us. Good luck

MagentaRose72 · 25/07/2017 18:06

I'd say no. Plus, if you do have a friend/ lodger who turns out to be a disaster, how do you even get them to leave without destroying the friendship?

GerdaLovesLili · 25/07/2017 18:14

Nope.
And certainly not in the summer holidays!

Practice, "I'm sorry, that's not convenient for us"

Goodasgoldilox · 25/07/2017 18:21

To given another example of what is fair:
I have a family member who pays £80 for a single bed (in a boxroom) and use of hot-water/kitchen at set times for 4 nights a week. No food or linen included. Kitchen must be cleaned after use.

Colbu24 · 25/07/2017 18:31

Any crappy hotel without food it's about £35 upwards per day.

cherrybath · 25/07/2017 18:34

He is really taking the piss, particularly given the difference between his financial situation and yours.

If you'd like some extra cash I'd say take him, but on your terms - you can take up to £84 from a lodger in your home (for just a room, no main meals) without paying tax, and I suggest that this should be your starting point. Ask him to think about what he would have to pay in an ordinary B&B, with no use of a living room or kitchen and no supper.

We had lodgers for years whilst my children were growing up and I always found it easier to give them a meal in the evening (for between £5 and £6 per night which I added to the rent) rather than have them cluttering up my kitchen. If he prefers it he could go out and spend more on an evening meal for himself.

This way you are making a bit of cash and it might make it more worthwhile for you. £30 would barely cover your increased utility bills, breakfast, tea and coffee.

Regalparade · 25/07/2017 18:56

So your going to let him stay...
An hour commute is nothing really. ...not long enough to stay elsewhere every evening.
You and the children won't have any time to yourselves or privacy.
The children will have someone in their living room and will probably feel awkward about watching tv and chilling out.
You will need to share your tv.
Share your bathroom facilities and will probably end up washing and cooking for him too and have all his stuff lieing around your two bedroom house.
It is your house and the children's.
He's very rude and entitled. Not like it's just for a night is it.
Don't be a mug! Say no!

SeaCabbage · 25/07/2017 19:00

Having someone on your sofa for three weeks would be just awful.

Including food in the (tiny) amount of £30 would be madness.

Please don't do it!

BeachyKeen · 25/07/2017 19:08

Have you posted about him before?

Covfefe · 25/07/2017 19:09

Well you will either be falling out with the piss taking arse now by saying no, or after when he's thoroughly exploited your goodwill, inconvenienced you and your children for a measly sum. Fuck him! Say no now and save the arse ache.

feetlikeahobbit · 25/07/2017 19:10

Will this affect any benefits you may be on, do you get 25% single person discount on your council tax? If so you could be seriously out of pocket.

Wassock · 25/07/2017 19:14

No. Just no!

catbas · 25/07/2017 19:17

Threads like this frustrate me. Just say no, make up a reason if you have to. This will not end well.

Mummymia2 · 25/07/2017 19:18

For the sheer rudeness of making an assumption I'd say no! How cheeky!

JayneAusten · 25/07/2017 19:34

Put your children first. It's not ok for them to have a male friend of yours crashing on their sofa and in their space.

TeslasDeathRay · 25/07/2017 19:35

An hour commute is not a lot.
I wouldn't agree to 3 weeks. You'll end up hating each other in the end, especially since he doesn't sound like that great of a friend towards you in the first place. It'll be a big inconvenience. Plus £30 a week is nothing.
I'd maybe agree to a week at most if he was providing his own food or planning on buying his own meals. Definitely no more than that.

RaspberryOverloadsOnRainyDays · 25/07/2017 19:35

A 40 minute commute is nothing, I do this every day, and on the M1 too.

£30 will cover the cost of the petrol.

You need to say no, or he'll push the boundaries to get more. I'm sure he thinks he'll save money.

Lallypop · 25/07/2017 19:41

When reading this I thought cheeky bugger. But actually thinking about it, I feel differently. If this was my friend, spoilt princess or not (your friends with him regardless of this) then I wouldn't think twice and would never dream of charging them.

catbas · 25/07/2017 19:46

Jayne are you kidding??? Why????

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