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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my friend stay in my house for £30 a week

216 replies

Thisismyusername1989 · 24/07/2017 19:20

He's a bit of a spoilt princess. He's found himself in a position where he won't be starting his new job until first September and will be leaving his job on Friday.

He's got a job in the meantime as bank staff and it is 10 miles form my house.

His home is 40 minutes drive away so he has informed me he will be staying at mine for three weeks and will give me £30 a week.

He'd have to just sleep on the sofa as I have only two bedrooms and have two children who have a bunk bed.

He says he doesn't mind.

I haven't agreed yet but he's just presumed. He text me the time he will be arriving.

AIBU to say no or do you think that would be a bit mean? I'd probably do it for £50 but £30 would only cover his electric and food!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/07/2017 19:52

Er... even 60m mins commute is not that bad. Just say 'Sorry, no, it's not convenient' and leave him to it!

bananafanana1 · 24/07/2017 19:52

Soooo did you tell him?

Katedotness1963 · 24/07/2017 19:52

Is this for the full week or just after work on Monday till Friday morning, with him going home for the weekends?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/07/2017 19:53

What?! THIRTY QUID?

He wouldn't get bed and breakfast anywhere for thirty quid A NIGHT. (Even the homeless hostels charge between £10 and £18 quid a night round here, and food costs on top of that).

As others have pointed out, your home won't be your own, you will feel uncomfortable having people round - and what if he invites a mate (or a lover) round - what the?

Or starts whinging because he wants this, that or the other to eat and you've done turkey twirlers and chips because you've had a bad day with the kids and you're knackered?

Or wants to watch Match of the Day when you are sitting down to your favourite drama/soap/reality tv programme?

Or expects to wash and iron his clothes?

Or the kids can't get to sleep because he's watching shite half the night on the tv after you've all gone to bed?

Or you go for bread to make toast for breakfast and the kid's sammiches, and he's used it all because he was peckish and made himself a bacon sammie - with all your bacon.

Or the kids start to get on his nerves playing and making a racket (or squabbling and making a racket, depending on their ages)?

What if he needs to stay for longer than three weeks - or even three months?

Do NOT let him stay. It will not end well. You will lose your friend as well as your peace of mind.

TheRugbyValkyrie · 24/07/2017 19:54

Thisis - YWDefinitlyNBU to say no for three reasons;
1 - the way he "half-asked", essentially he is assuming that it's absolutely fine for him to stay.
2- the £30 offer is derisory, you would be seriously out of pocket. You "presume he would pay for some food." How likely is that given that in your next post you say he is stingy? You would also have the issue of catering for another person who may have entirely different food tastes to your family, or is eating foods which you may not allow your children.
3 - Your children are on school holiday. I'm guessing that your children are allowed to stay up later and want use the living room for activities or television. A living room that he is essentially using as a bedroom.
An hour commute is nothing. I suspect it is his stinginess rearing it's head in terms of the cost.
In sort - say no.

MaryTeresa1 · 24/07/2017 19:54

I had a temporary job and I hinted to my friend how much of a hassle the commute would be.

She was lonely in a big house on her own and she offered me to stay at her house for free! Just pay for my own food.

I offered her £50 and she accepted £40.

Asking to stay at someone's house and offering them £30 isn't rude at all. It's a favor that you don't have to do (although o know how hard it can be to say no).

mummmy2017 · 24/07/2017 20:01

Another point if he stays you do know if you get any Benefits you have to declare him as a non-dependant adult and they will take more than £30 a week off you for his rent.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 24/07/2017 20:03

Did you answer him yet? I'm amazed that you're considering this. The quickest way to fall out with someone is to either go on holiday with them or have them stay at your house. Just tell him no, it won't work.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 24/07/2017 20:15

Don't do it!!!

You really want to spend the best parts of the precious summer break with him on your sofa? Are you mad? Grin

60 mins is NOTHING! My previous BUS journey to work used to take me just shy of 2 hours.
Tell him to use that 30 quid per week on his petrol and drive himself there.

tweezers · 24/07/2017 20:15

We had someone to stay for work reasons once. They didn't offer to pay either. It completely disrupted the children's bedtime routine, kept them awake when he was drinking with OH and then he had the cheek to say behind our backs that we were "completely disorganised" and that the kids, who he kept waking up, were uncontrollable.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/07/2017 20:18

He's very stingy with money and incredibly rude at times

And yet you still "presume he'll buy some food"??

I really wouldn't take that as read - but then I wouldn't be letting him stay either Hmm

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 24/07/2017 20:19

If you work in London, 60 minute commute is the norm.

Jog on Mate!

PixieDust1990 · 24/07/2017 20:19

Is he someone you have known a long time and trust? If so, I know I would let me very close friends stay (all two of them) but if this is just someone you half know, as in see from time to time, then I would certainly so no, that it is not convenient for me or your children.

SabineUndine · 24/07/2017 20:20

Good heavens, no. Tell him to take a running jump. You've hardly got room for you and 2 kids, there!

Sushi123 · 24/07/2017 20:22

I don't think it's ideal to have someone sleeping on the sofa when there are children in the house. It's their home!

topcat2014 · 24/07/2017 20:23

I would really struggle to have anyone to sleep on my sofa - even family.

The thought of it brings me out in hives.

Just say no (and I am a non confrontational sort).

inlectorecumbit · 24/07/2017 20:25

Think of the wear and tear of a sweaty body for weeks on your sofa.
Yuk
NO is a complete sentence.

SecretNutellaFix · 24/07/2017 20:27

He's a cheeky fucker, isn't he?

Butterymuffin · 24/07/2017 20:28

I would only ever do this if there was a spare room the person could sleep in. The sofa thing is really hard on everyone, him included. I would tell him that it's not fair on your kids to lose their living room, TV space and play space for most of their summer holiday, so it'll have to be a no.

Llanali · 24/07/2017 20:28

Well, I'd think it very rude that he informed me, but the actual act would be fine by me. Apparently contrary to MN at large, I don't have issues with people dropping in or staying, I have a pretty open door policy. I've had many friends and associated animals arrive to stay for days or weeks if work/competitions etc is near my place so I'd have no issue.

The telling is rude though!

RortyCrankle · 24/07/2017 20:29

What the hell, just say NO. Why are you even asking? A commute under an hour is nothing.

user1498911589 · 24/07/2017 20:31

No, he can't just tell you that he is staying in your house - he has to wait to be invited it should be a long wait

Whichwayyisup · 24/07/2017 20:32

You're not his mother neither are you a doormat.

Jaxhog · 24/07/2017 20:33

If you don't want him to stay - say No. Now.

If you like having him around, and are happy for him to stay, tell him you'll need more than £30 to cover his costs. Then draw up a short document with the ground rules (keys, latest time home, who cooks, buys food etc.) and when he can stay until. Then ask him to sign it.

titchy · 24/07/2017 20:35

Why isn't he able to commute 60 mins each way? Children do this sort of commute for years at secondary age. Is he wheelchair bound or something?

Just say no. Or text no. It's quite easy.

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