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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my friend stay in my house for £30 a week

216 replies

Thisismyusername1989 · 24/07/2017 19:20

He's a bit of a spoilt princess. He's found himself in a position where he won't be starting his new job until first September and will be leaving his job on Friday.

He's got a job in the meantime as bank staff and it is 10 miles form my house.

His home is 40 minutes drive away so he has informed me he will be staying at mine for three weeks and will give me £30 a week.

He'd have to just sleep on the sofa as I have only two bedrooms and have two children who have a bunk bed.

He says he doesn't mind.

I haven't agreed yet but he's just presumed. He text me the time he will be arriving.

AIBU to say no or do you think that would be a bit mean? I'd probably do it for £50 but £30 would only cover his electric and food!

OP posts:
Questioningeverything · 24/07/2017 20:37

Holy crap I'd be sending back

Haha
Hahaha
Aha ha ha

Oh boy, I almost thought you were serious for a minute. Can you imagine!?!! Sleeping on someone's sofa for weeks? 😂😂 by the time they went to bed and the kids get up before dawn it'd make for the worst ever house share situation.
You really gave it away at £30 a week though. As if you could get accomodation for that little. Brilliant. Good luck with new job, must see you soon!

Aaaannnd... send.

starving · 24/07/2017 20:42

£30 A NIGHT is cheap for B&B.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 24/07/2017 20:43

Tell him now, unfortunately you are unable to put him up, hope he gets sorted out soon.
You have enough on your plate, and not enough room for him !
Your house is your home, and that of your children, you do not need a caterpillar in your salad.
Be kind to yourself and say NO.

JenTheSprtacusPuppy · 24/07/2017 20:46

Bet he's planning for you to plan and cook the evening meal for him? To clean up after it? Will he be sorting his own meals out at weekends or is that also for you plan and organise for him?

His washing ?

If he likes to sleep before I'd go to bed I'd feel like I had to fuck off for him to settle on sofa.

If he likes to lie in on weekends then I'd feel like I had to be quiet on weekend mornings and get dc to sush too.

That's if he doesn't guilt you to take the sofa so he can have your bed :)

Somerford · 24/07/2017 20:52

If the commute is too far for him now, it'll still be too far in 3 weeks unless he plans to move house within that time. He may argue that he just wants the faff of the commute out of the way while he settles into the new job but either way, when the time comes he may be reluctant to move out again and face the hour long journey to and from work. If you have allowed him to take liberties up until that point it's going to be difficult to suddenly stand firm if he decides that he wants to extent his stay.

I'll echo some of the other posters in this thread in saying that the commute he's looking at here is really not so bad that it warrants the disruption and imposition on you and your children. Most people have to drive longer than that in stop-start traffic or mess about changing busses and trains, often with the added bonus of going out of their way first to drop kids off at school or nursery on the way. Having someone move in with you for 3 weeks (and very possibly wanting to extent their stay come the end of it) is not a minor thing that you can just shrug off, it has a major impact on your day to day life and he shouldn't expect this unless its absolutely necessary. In this case there is no need for it at all. He is going to have to come to terms with his commute sooner or later, it would be much better for everyone involved if he did that now and saved you the hassle. Particularly as he hasn't had the decency to ask properly or offer a reasonable sum of money.

AnnetteCurtains · 24/07/2017 20:52

£4.29 a day / night errr no

StaplesCorner · 24/07/2017 20:53

I hate this sort of thread when its obvious the OP is going to let him stay regardless of whether he pays a penny or not but people go on for pages trying to persuade the OP not to be such an arse.

Ceto · 24/07/2017 20:55

You really don't want someone camped out in your living room for three weeks of the summer holidays.

Tell him your kids are insomniacs and would wake him up all night.

paxillin · 24/07/2017 21:01

Just say no. You would be taking from your kids to give to him. They need a sitting room, so do you. Otherwise you would have moved to a one-bed flat, turned the sitting room into a bedroom and saved the money.

liquidrevolution · 24/07/2017 21:02

I commute 1 hr 20 mins each way.

Just say no. It doesnt suit.

AlternativeTentacle · 24/07/2017 21:03

It is not alright though is it? Someone on the sofa all summer, what a nightmare. And for £30 a week? Fuck that for a laugh.

BoffinMum · 24/07/2017 21:07

I can't imagine a situation where I would agree to this.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 24/07/2017 21:10

Come back OP ...

HipsterHunter · 24/07/2017 21:13

I'd do it for a reasonable amount of money if it was worth my while with decent ground rules.

£30 a night
He brings own bedding
No washkng done at your house
He makes up his bed free you go to bed and has his bed packed away before you get up at 7am
You'll throw in breakfast but he has to tidy up after himself
If he wants food he can have whatever you're cooking for the kids and yourself for an extr £5 a night

inksplot · 24/07/2017 21:13

Op seriously as someone who has been there say no now. It will turn into a nightmare.

NoSquirrels · 24/07/2017 21:15

Spare room yes - £50 per week Mon/Tues/Weds/Thurs

No spare room, £30, sleeping in living room = not a chance

It's the summer holidays - if your kids are school age it's unfair on them, and if they're pre-school it's unfair on you as I bet they're up early!

Say no.

inksplot · 24/07/2017 21:16

Just for the record my sen young teen commutes longer than that a day.

NinonDeLenclos · 24/07/2017 21:20

It doesn't really matter how much he offers you (altho £30 is taking the piss). You have kids and it's not convenient to have someone on the sofa.

An hour to work is standard for London.

Just say no, and mean it.

Judydreamsofhorses · 24/07/2017 21:26

I had a friend stay with me for a month when she was between flats - she was in the living room, and it was a nightmare in terms of logistics. She didn't offer any money (but did contribute food/cooking and wine) and when she finally moved out I was away on a two-day work trip - I was gobsmacked to come home and find she hadn't even left a card or a box of chocolates/bottle of wine to say thanks. We're not really friends now, tbh.

MargotMoon · 24/07/2017 21:30

Dear Princess, no that's not okay. I don't want a lodger, even for a short time. Good luck with the new job. Love, Thisismyusername

milliemolliemou · 24/07/2017 21:35

OP - where are you?

Work it out yourself re costs. Another adult washing clothes/using cooker/eating basics (bread, milk, butter, spices) even if they cater for themselves/working or electric playing on Ipad or whatever ... that's way more than £30 pw. Even if you didn't confess you had another adult re council tax for a moth.

And he's on the sofa - will he help you at all? Will he agree to go after a month? Do your kids like him? Is he uncle Favourite and will take them off your hands, clean the house for you, cook supper for everyone, take the children out at the weekend?

And he's told you he's coming and will text you the time?

Just no.

Willow2017 · 24/07/2017 21:36

No way would I have someone on my sofa for over a month!
Where is he going to put all his stuff?
WIll he expect to lie in at weekends?
Whsat about the tv remote? Does he see that as a mans 'possession'?
Who is doing his washing?
What about the kids will he get fed up with them (in their own living room!) running around in the holidays?
What about food?meals? Will he expect a meal for him when he gets home?
£30 a week hes having a larf!

And remind him that manners = asking if you can come and stay not telling someone. What a chancer.

And will he expect to stay longer until he gets accomodation sorted?

NO NO JUST NO.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/07/2017 21:40

JUST SAY NO

gillybeanz · 24/07/2017 21:40

Huge inconvenience and a bit bad for your kids whilst they're on holiday.
Where will he be when they want to use the settee.
It will be his bedroom and probably your settee will need a good clean when he's gone too.

ImperialBlether · 24/07/2017 21:42

You'd be a fool and a mug if you let him stay.

And it's unfair on your children, too. What if they want to get up early and watch TV? What if they want to sit there in the evening and play in the living room, while he's sitting there trying to get his money's worth?