Asking for a friend - last minute bridezilla financial demand from bridesmaids

[dangerrabbit]

Posting on behalf of a friend of my sister so may not be a juicy one as I do not have all the details, but I know how much you vipers love a wedding one so...

My sister's best friend is a bridesmaid today, the bride has just sprung on her and her other bridesmaids that she wants them to pay £60 each to have their hair and makeup done.

The bride has asked everyone to have their hair and make up done a certain way. The worst thing is that she wasn't upfront about the cost. Only yesterday when she said that the make-up would be another £30 did friend twig there would be any cost at all. And said she would rather do her own. And then on the bridesmaid WhatsApp another bridesmaid was like 'ohh I can do your hair like that for free - I can do everyone's' and then everyone said please could you.

Then the bride went on a really long winded rant about how she doesn't want to be a bridezilla but that her partner's bridesmaids are all having their hair done that way and she's paid the deposit so they have to get it done. That'll be £60 please!

So my sister wants the view of the mumsnet jury on this important issue and also your views on what her friend should say to the bride!

As far as I recall it was another poster who suggested two brides not the op

Some of us just thought it was two brides because two sets of bridesmaids were mentioned, viques. But apparently groomsmaids are now a thing too...

Where did the bridegroom spring from? Last time I looked it was two brides.

Poster assumed there must be two brides because there were two sets of bridesmaids. Turns out the bride's just a vile bitch who didn't want anyone over a certain dress size to be her bridesmaid so the groom also has some...

In this particular case, isn't it more about TyrantBride so casually springing it on the bridesmaids the day of the wedding that, oh by the way, you're expected to pay for hair/ makeup? (On top of the dress, shoes, luxury hen weekend etc...).
No apology, no discussion had or reason offered?

Very different to it having been agreed, to everyone's satisfaction, in advance. Thus allowing anyone on a very tight budget to save/ borrow/ contribute to wedding preparations in another way accordingly.

An unexpected, sudden outlay of £60 is certainly not "a relatively small amount of money" for many.

No feelings of resentment are caused, if you don't continuously act like an arse to your bridesmaids in the first place.
An occasional, temporary incident of Bridal Insanity is forgiven by bridesmaids who were chosen for meaningful and genuine reasons.
Shouldn't mutual support, safe in the knowledge that you have each other's backs whatever, be the reason for asking them/ them accepting?

Op its raining...you really want to stay in with a film updating us. Cant understand why your friend says no and does it herself

I saw an episode of say yes to the dress the other day and there were 22 bridesmaids.
Just saying.

Haha my hen do was about £150 for tea and cake for everyone. Asked for £10 contribution each and paid £60 for room above a pub.

gabsdot

Crikey O' Reilly.

This is crazy. Brides should pay for dresses, shoes, hair and makeup for their bridesmaids.

Bride should pay, she is a complete cheeky mare especially since they have paid for dress shoes and an expensive hen do.
I wouldn't be giving her a gift, in fact if I was her bridesmaid and I have put cash in her card I would be opening the card in front of the bride and removing the cash and using it to pay for hair and makeup. If the bride still had the cheek to moan about the lack of gift I would send her an itemized bill so she could see in black and white how much the bridesmaid had spent on her wedding.

I'm back, but have no further updates from my sister's friend as to how the day went. Maybe it passed smoothly without drama. Wouldn't that be a dull ending 😒

Well, possibly, from a MN thread POV!

But these are RL people involved, so for their sakes, "smoothly without drama" would probably be the safest outcome.

Would love to have heard the conversations going on in the hair/makeup room, though...

Oh god, I'm so glad I'll never have to be a bridesmaid again!

If I ever bother getting married again, I'm not bothering with all that crap!

Yeah but I have never met the bride so only know of her through my sister's friend so am thinking of it from a MN thread POV 😋

I am shocked at the person who had 22 bridesmaids even though presumably it was a reality TV person rather than someone you might meet in real life. Let's hope this behaviour does not become emulated by ordinary people...

Six bridesmaids + two attendants at £60 each... nice little earner there for a morning's work.

Well, maybe we can use this time while we are waiting for updates from my sister's friend to reminisce on the theme of bridezillas we have known.

I did once have a friend who asked me to be a bridesmaid because one of her existing bridesmaids had gained weight so she had a spare dress. Sadly, I had to decline the offer as I too found I had coincidentally gained weight and was therefore unable to step up at the last minute. She also asked me to take a week of annual leave to prepare the venue for her destination wedding, and asked me, along with her other guests, to ask my (uninvited) mum to prepare decorations for the venue (she had a very specific theme). But to be fair, she had actually paid for accommodation for those who chose to help out.

My friend was a notorious wedding-dodger before her own big day, and a mutual friend told me that at the rehearsal dinner she actually made a joke about how she hadn't attended any of their weddings and how funny it was they were all at her rehearsal dinner and had been helping her prepare all week!

AMD724 I'm American. It was only when I moved here that I saw the idea that you'd be away for a bachelorette party for a full weekend.

Its a relatively recent thing in the UK. Maybe the last 10-15 years? Certainly when we got married hen/stag parties were a night out with your friends.
Similarly the massively expensive weddings were not a thing then. I don't know what drove the fashion, it seemed to coincide with a change in the law about 20 years ago to allow weddings in any registered building - suddenly stately homes, castles and destination weddings inflated an already Big Business.

Unfortunately the mega-wedding doesn't seem to correlate well with enduring relationships. I'm honestly shocked by the number of 25-30k weddings I've seen with younger colleagues who are split up within 18 months. Its almost like they lost sight of the purpose of a wedding.

My friend was a notorious wedding-dodger before her own big day, and a mutual friend told me that at the rehearsal dinner she actually made a joke about how she hadn't attended any of their weddings and how funny it was they were all at her rehearsal dinner and had been helping her prepare all week!

I bet they all just laughed and laughed . . .

Unfortunately the mega-wedding doesn't seem to correlate well with enduring relationships. I'm honestly shocked by the number of 25-30k weddings I've seen with younger colleagues who are split up within 18 months. Its almost like they lost sight of the purpose of a wedding

Funny you should mention this. I was reading a psychological study a few weeks ago which found a direct inverse correlation between the amount of money spent on the wedding, and the length of the marriage.

The (speculative) conclusion was that the people who made a huge show of venue, 27 tier cake, 40 bridesmaids, 16 bejewelled elephants, 4 identically dressed toddler flower girls scattering hothouse rose petals along the aisle, hen/stag do's in the Caribbean etc, were more in love with the idea and the pageantry than they were actually in love, if you see what I mean.

They also were the people who felt that when you were in love every moment of every day should be perfect and thrilling and the touch of your beloved should always send that magic tingle through your very being, and then when they found themselves putting the bins out and eating rissoles yet again and realised that the Perfect One farted in bed just like every other person in the world, then they came to the conclusion that they had been wrong, this wasn't their soulmate after all, and they wanted out of the relationship.

I can believe it.

Great post Schadenfreude. You write very well.

OH and I had a small (40 guests) wedding 36 years ago and are still very much together.

I should have said that it was because we wanted to be married rather than "have a wedding".

One couple I know of spent a lot of money (in excess of £10k) and it didn't even last a year. I know of another couple who spent £60,000 all told (very posh venue and ridonculous honeymoon) on their wedding. You could buy a house round here with that kind of money.

Too much focus on one day. A wedding does not a marriage make.

we wanted to be married rather than "have a wedding"

Just as it should be.