Asking for a friend - last minute bridezilla financial demand from bridesmaids

[dangerrabbit]

Posting on behalf of a friend of my sister so may not be a juicy one as I do not have all the details, but I know how much you vipers love a wedding one so...

My sister's best friend is a bridesmaid today, the bride has just sprung on her and her other bridesmaids that she wants them to pay £60 each to have their hair and makeup done.

The bride has asked everyone to have their hair and make up done a certain way. The worst thing is that she wasn't upfront about the cost. Only yesterday when she said that the make-up would be another £30 did friend twig there would be any cost at all. And said she would rather do her own. And then on the bridesmaid WhatsApp another bridesmaid was like 'ohh I can do your hair like that for free - I can do everyone's' and then everyone said please could you.

Then the bride went on a really long winded rant about how she doesn't want to be a bridezilla but that her partner's bridesmaids are all having their hair done that way and she's paid the deposit so they have to get it done. That'll be £60 please!

So my sister wants the view of the mumsnet jury on this important issue and also your views on what her friend should say to the bride!

Just pay the mine. It's peanuts and worth less than friendship.

I'm shocked by all this making bridesmaids pay for this and that. I paid for everything for mine, they just had to show up and be pampered with their hair etc being done. A wedding's not an opportunity to act like a dictator, its a celebration!

As the wedding is today my sister will be sending me updates which I will post to the thread when I can as the drama unfolds...

You STAR!

Bride should pay - what a devious trick, leaving the demand for cash until the last minute.

May not be peanuts to everyone Neut.

Just finding out from my sister about whether they paid for clothes and shoes and how much the hen night was......and if it was a destination hen night!

Of course BM's shouldn't pay!

If bride has paid a deposit & the other BM does hair foir free, that's just tough shit!

They don't have to use the hairdresser that she has booked.

Weddings appear to have become a scary money pit, where participants and guests have to tread a wary path.

Staggering that some people on here do not think that £60 is a lot of money for a hairstyle for 1 day!! I have never spent that much on my hair and wouldn't be able to afford to pay it for my own wedding, let alone someone else's.

Organised make up and hair always takes much longer than expected and it would be much better if some of the pressure was taken off by people doing their own hair and make up. I'd suggest to the bride that it's better for the hairdresser and MUA concentrate on her and the MOB etc.

It's a bit cheeky.

If they can't get out of it at least they have plan b.

Let the Bride lose the deposit and have the make up and hair done for free by the bridesmaid who offered to do it for them all.

Saw a video of a beautiful wedding done last Sunday. Bride wore simple plain white dress, home made braid, groom wore white suit. Both were barefoot and the ceremony was on a hill in a local ancient stone henge type place. They jumped over a white ribbon, the marriage was blessed by an ordained spiritualist minister along with Shaman drumming. It was simple, beautiful and moving and for me represented the real meaning of a wedding. No bridesmaids or commercial extras. Gorgeous.

Bride dictates = bride pays

We did our own makeup for my wedding and I got my hair done by my hairdresser. I offered my bridesmaids to have their hair done and they could have it how they liked. I paid for both of them. Funnily enough they both wanted similar hairdos

I always think that charming, smiley resistance is the way forward with this sort of crazy. "I would love to, but I'm afraid it's just not possible", "What a wonderful idea, I would love someone else to do my hair and make-up. I just don't have £60". It's very hard to argue with.
Important also to resist any attempt to throw you into debt though. "You are so kind to offer to lend it to me but I can't accept. I know that I am not going to be able to pay it back. Such a lovely idea but just not one of my choices I'm afraid".
I really enjoy being relentlessly cheerful and reasonable in the face of the unreasonable.

I peruse a US wedding forum and it's bloody expensive being a BM there. You're talking:

• dress
• shoes
• makeup
• hair
• bachelorette party
• bridal shower and present (like wtaf)
• travel and accommodation

Wheras for example my BMs have just had to buy their own/reuse shoes of their own choice and underwear, and attend my hen (which was st home and I paid for myself). The only thing I want them to do on the day is have a bit of craic and remind me to spray deodorant on my feet so they don't get too sweaty in my shoes. Isn't that fairly standard?

Here being a bridesmaid is way more of a "treat", wheras in the US it seems to actually be a real financial undertaking. I'd hate that to trickle over here, although I suspect it is. There's stories like this and more personally I'm in a wedding next year and have had to buy my own identikit-dress. Unimpressed!

Bride needs to pay. Fair enough if people want to get their hair done professionally but she can't dictate they have to pay.

I've had no response on the costs of outfits or hen dos but apparently she's currently sitting at a wedding breakfast that's she's had to pay for herself!

Ugh, I had this with a friend I was a bridesmaid for. She was a bit more relaxed about the hair (I had a short bob so up-do options are limited). She DID demand matching make-up and nails though, mentioned the day before at a cost to us. We said we'd do our own so she relented and paid. If the bride wants the stepford bridesmaids she has a bloody cheek expecting them to pay for it.

The right response too that text, is "yes you are being a bridezilla . None of us want to pay £60 when we don't need to."

The rule is generally that if you (as bride) are calling the shots, then you should pay. So, if you specify a particular dress, or colour - you have to pay. If you want a just-so hair or make up style - you have to pay.

I guess the bride got strong armed into it and didn't mention it until the last moment.
I would 'go missing' and do hair and make up myself then turn up at the last possible moment.
That way no discussions nor arguments need to happen and the bride will be busy thinking about other things.
Matching hair sounds ridiculously naff anyway.

VIPERS? We're vipers? Fucking cheek!

Anyhoo. Yeah the bride should pay. Telling the bridesmaids to pay is a cheek. They need to ALL refuse.

I have 4 bridesmaids. Dresses, I have paid for but shoes I have not as they're completely down to the bridesmaids what they wear.

Hair and make up, I have arranged and paid for but I couldn't give a flying fuck if one of them doesn't want to have it done.

If there is a 'thing' you as the bride are stipulating/insisting on, you as the bride pay for it.

It's also very rude to book a hair and make up artist and then tell people they have to pay for it after it's already been booked, IMO

I have been a bridesmaid, and not only have I never paid for anything, but I got a gift! A lovely gold necklace one time with a 'star' trinket!

Bride should always pay for hair.

FFS the bride pays of course. What an entitled 'friend'.

Of course the bride should pay.