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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking for a friend - last minute bridezilla financial demand from bridesmaids

210 replies

dangerrabbit · 22/07/2017 08:52

Posting on behalf of a friend of my sister so may not be a juicy one as I do not have all the details, but I know how much you vipers love a wedding one so...

My sister's best friend is a bridesmaid today, the bride has just sprung on her and her other bridesmaids that she wants them to pay £60 each to have their hair and makeup done.

The bride has asked everyone to have their hair and make up done a certain way. The worst thing is that she wasn't upfront about the cost. Only yesterday when she said that the make-up would be another £30 did friend twig there would be any cost at all. And said she would rather do her own. And then on the bridesmaid WhatsApp another bridesmaid was like 'ohh I can do your hair like that for free - I can do everyone's' and then everyone said please could you.

Then the bride went on a really long winded rant about how she doesn't want to be a bridezilla but that her partner's bridesmaids are all having their hair done that way and she's paid the deposit so they have to get it done. That'll be £60 please!

So my sister wants the view of the mumsnet jury on this important issue and also your views on what her friend should say to the bride!

OP posts:

LazyDailyMailJournos · 22/07/2017 13:15

Live Bridezilla thread - it doesn't get better than this.

Oh and Bride is being bloody cheeky. If she wants to call the shots on hair and makeup being done by a specific someone, then she should pay.

Original poster

dangerrabbit · 22/07/2017 13:46

Ok so I'm coming back to the thread with further info. Apparently there are 12 attendants altogether. The groom has 4 ushers and his 2 sisters are also part of his side of the wedding party because the bride did not originally want them as her bridesmaids as they are over size 12(!) They are in the same dresses as the other bridesmaids and are getting their hair and makeup done by the same person, but have different colour accessories to mark them out as part of the groom's party.

Apparently my sisters friend is already feeling a bit narked as the bride has already been quite demanding. There was a destination hen weekend costing about £500 per person and all the bridal party paid for their own dresses and shoes with the total cost of around £200. She's going to bite her lip and pay the £60 as she doesn't want to ruin the brides special day but it's certainly helped her see the bride in a different light!

OP posts:

Original poster

dangerrabbit · 22/07/2017 13:47

I'm out this afternoon with the kids but will be updating the thread later on...

OP posts:

Birdshitbridgegotme · 22/07/2017 13:55

Wow the cheek of some people! This will ruin the day for the bridesmaids and then the brides wedding pics as they will no longer be in the brides life once this is all over!

Amd724 · 22/07/2017 13:55

I'm American. It was only when I moved here that I saw the idea that you'd be away for a bachelorette party for a full weekend. WTF y'all. Destination stag and hen dos, leaving the country. I think I saw a parallel increase in ridiculousness from both sides of the pond. I blame celebrities and reality shows.

Hubby and I went to the registry, got married. I skipped the hen do, he skipped a stag do. Went to a restaurant right after for dinner with some friends, got some great photos, food, and drinks. We paid for all drinks and champagne, our friends paid for their meals. We kind of planned it in a week after receiving the approval to marry (I'm foreign so I need to alert the Home Office if I marry a Brit).

We saved the money we would have spent on a wedding and bought a house. My sister eloped. I would have never asked my bridesmaids to pay this much money just to see me get married. I don't think my relationship is that special!

Our friends here have had really extravagant and expensive weddings, think £20-30,000 on the wedding alone, plus one of our friends had multiple hen dos. To each their own, but that's not my cup of tea.

Groupie123 · 22/07/2017 14:03

In all the weddings I've been to including my own (Indian so lots of big fat Indian weddings with three-four events) the hairdresser will never go to the bride just for her hair & you have to pay for a minimum number of people. So my guess is she booked on that premise, has overspent on other wedding shit, and now doesn't have money to pay unless the bridesmaids cough up.

Ceto · 22/07/2017 14:05

I think I'd tell the bride quite firmly that I'm only paying because no-one wants a row on her wedding day, but will want to discuss it later.

Storminateapot · 22/07/2017 14:06

Who are these women who think they can demand a Rolls Royce wedding on bicycle money by getting hapless guests to pay for it all?! SO rude and entitled.
We paid for all outfits, hair, make-up etc etc for our wedding - it would never have crossed my mind to put the people I love out of pocket for my day.

valeriarrgh · 22/07/2017 14:06

Bloody hell. That's ridiculous! They've forked out nearly £1000 each! More if you include spending money for the £500 hen do. We went to the pub! Got absolutely blitzed tiddley and had a perfectly nice time.

NoSquirrels · 22/07/2017 14:08

Blimey. If they paid for their own dresses and shoes, I'm afraid they might have seen this one coming... doesn't make it any better, but clearly the bride was never likely to be coughing up!

All the more reason though for refusing - "Bridezilla, I have spent over £200 on my outfit alone for your wedding, plus hen do and gifts and accommodation. I can't afford an extra £60 I didn't know about on hair and make up. I'll do my own unless you can pay."

MarilynWhirlwindRocks · 22/07/2017 14:22

"...his 2 sisters are also part of his side of the wedding party because the bride did not originally want them as her bridesmaids as they are over size 12(!) "

God, for that insult alone, I hope they rock this look...

Asking for a friend - last minute bridezilla financial demand from bridesmaids

Amd724 · 22/07/2017 14:34

Marilyn I couldn't believe when I read that part! That's only a size 8 in the US! She'd be appalled to see me then!

Lonelynessie · 22/07/2017 14:37

Ridiculous, the bride should pay! I actually got married yesterday and all my maids hair and outfits were paid for by me! No way would I ask them to pay considering it's for my wedding.

Lweji · 22/07/2017 14:37

I think I'd tell the bride quite firmly that I'm only paying because no-one wants a row on her wedding day, but will want to discuss it later.

Surely it's the bride who won't want a fight and should fork out.

MarilynWhirlwindRocks · 22/07/2017 14:39

Wonder what this tiresome woman would've done if her 'acceptable and approved' bridesmaids had been driven to comfort eating, out of sheer nerves misery caused by her demands, and had gained weight thus exceeding her cut-off size?

FlandersRocks · 22/07/2017 14:39

Incredibly rude...I paid for my bridesmaids hair and gave them the choice of using the make up woman I was hiring or doing their own, but make up would be at their cost. One decided to pay, two preferred to do their own.

I also know a bride who had a very specific make up look she wanted on her BMs, at their cost...and she insisted everyone's make up was identical. The dark eyeshadow, heavy-ish eyeliner and dark red lipstick looked fabulous on 3 out of 5 bm's who were all dark and pulled it off. The other two bms were very fair and ended up looking like drag queens, it was awful.

MeltorPeltor · 22/07/2017 14:40

"I'm sorry I can't afford it"
"I'm sorry I haven't budgeted for an unexpected cost"
"No, I don't have £60 to spend on make up so I will have to do my own"

Job done.

Lweji · 22/07/2017 14:41

I actually got married yesterday

And you're here? That's dedication.

AccrualIntentions · 22/07/2017 15:04

If the bride wants a specific style/person to do it, the bride pays.

acatcalledjohn · 22/07/2017 15:08

Wow. Just wow. That is ridiculous.

Ruin her special day? I'd have drawn the line a long time ago for her ruining me financially for her sole benefit.

Fucking cheek.

Emmeline123 · 22/07/2017 15:12

I'm going to go against the grain here and say she should suck it up. At this stage a bridesmaid mutiny is likely to cause untold stress to someone who is probably not thinking rationally, on one of the most important days of her life. I assume she cares about the bride or she wouldn't be a BM.

Yes, the bride should have mentioned it earlier, but l don't think her BMs should be blinded to the bigger picture by self-righteousness. I don't think it's a massive deal to contribute something as a bridesmaid (I'm assuming they haven't already been asked to pay for their own dresses). Just take it off the present, or make it the entire present if necessary.

I paid for hair, make-up, dresses, rehearsal dinner and accommodation for my BMs, but I've also had to pay for my own make-up as a BM and didn't consider this a massive deal. Certainly not such a big deal that it would justify a mutiny against the bride on the morning of the wedding.

Emmeline123 · 22/07/2017 15:14

Okay I've just read that the bride didn't pay for anything, so I get why the BM would be miffed with the additional £60 but I think if I were her I would similarly suck it up and the bride would get no additional present.

BigDamnHero · 22/07/2017 15:17

The groom has 4 ushers and his 2 sisters are also part of his side of the wedding party because the bride did not originally want them as her bridesmaids as they are over size 12(!)

viques · 22/07/2017 15:31

Where did the bridegroom spring from? Last time I looked it was two brides.

NotAnotheChinHair · 22/07/2017 15:33

At this stage a bridesmaid mutiny is likely to cause untold stress to someone who is probably not thinking rationally, on one of the most important days of her life

Boo hoo her!!!!

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