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AIBU?

To be upset at having to ask for extra money?

270 replies

PoisonousSmurf · 15/07/2017 12:20

...Otherwise I'd have to use my savings to get the food shopping (again).
I work part time as a cleaner and gardener and earn around £400 a month. My husband pays in £1,000 into my account (we don't have a joint account).
With that I'm expected to pay for all the kids clothes, clubs, school trips, food shopping and pay for my own car tax, fuel and insurance and the electric bill.
So of course by mid month I'm going into my overdraft.
I've not had to ask for extra for months, but he grilled me about WHY?! I'm his wife FFS!
I don't buy new clothes, not had new shoes for ages and I'm not into fashions. Jeans and T-shirt are all I can afford.
In the meantime he has over £10,000 balance on his current account.
He has always been mean with money, but as the kids get older he seems to be worse.
I really don't think I'll be staying with him once the kids are in work and have their own places.
Might as well live alone and on benefits, feels like I'm doing that already.
Do any of you have husbands like this? Mean with money?

OP posts:
eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 15/07/2017 12:22

£1400 not enough to cover it all? thats what a lot of people have to live on including rent and all bills

Notknownatthisaddress · 15/07/2017 12:24

Well apart from the fact that £1400 should be PLENTY to live on for a month (if it's not including the mortgage and rent) why the hell is your husband 'giving you allowances?' This isn't the 1960's FFS! Hmm

PinkHeart5911 · 15/07/2017 12:24

So you have 1400 a month in total? And struggle?

Presumably your dc don't need clothing each month & don't have school trips each month.

Do you budget? Do you meal plan & shop accordingly? Do you keep your meter reading up to date & switch suppliers regularly?

How many dc do you have?

Ropsleybunny · 15/07/2017 12:24

YANBU

I think a serious talk is due, where you lay down some new rules. Tell him straight that things have to change, otherwise you'll have to ask him to leave. Tell him he'll be far worse off of this happens as he'll be supporting two households.

BadPolicy · 15/07/2017 12:25

I wouldn't want to live with someone who was tight, but £1000 is a lot of money. If I was your husband Id be wondering why you needed more as well.

Notknownatthisaddress · 15/07/2017 12:25

Why are you not both pooling your finances? Like normal couples? This 'my money, your money' mentality makes me cringe, especially when the couple are married.

PinkHeart5911 · 15/07/2017 12:25

I don't think your dh sounds mean with money, I think you must be over spending somewhere

KindleBueno · 15/07/2017 12:25

YABU - £1400 should be plenty unless you've a massive family.

KindleBueno · 15/07/2017 12:25

YABU - £1400 should be plenty unless you've a massive family.

LIZS · 15/07/2017 12:26

How many dc? It sounds plenty but depends on your regular outgoings? Of course it isn't sensible to use an od if there are savings elsewhere but it doesn't seem as if you have a handle on your expenditure.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/07/2017 12:27

How is 1400 not enough?

Do you take your dcs to school on a Boeing?

Lelloteddy · 15/07/2017 12:28

How many kids do you have?
How much does he earn?
Do you have potential to increase your income?

AtSea1979 · 15/07/2017 12:28

£1400 sounds like a lot of money when you have no 'household bills'

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 15/07/2017 12:28

If you think you have a tough budget, going on benefits is going to be a huge shock to you.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 15/07/2017 12:28

TBH with you £1400 a month, plus child benefit? Is what a lot of people have to run a whole house and family on. You only have the electric and your car running costs to actually cover. He's covering all the other bills. So you cut your food shopping proportionally until he's sick of plain boiled pasta every night.

I really couldn't live with anyone who doesn't share their money. I never under stand the his/hers bank accounts business that is prevalent on MN. It smacks of distrust/selfishness/not committed to a relationship, why anyone would enter into a relationship and have children with someone who does the bare minimum isn't something I understand.

KatharinaRosalie · 15/07/2017 12:28

surely if 1400 is enough would depend on the family income. Not enough if he earns 14000 per month and keeps the rest for himself.

yellowgymball · 15/07/2017 12:29

If you have £1400 a month (not including bills and mortgage/rent) to do food shops, fuel and other bits and bobs, YABU about the amount of money.

My family have a little more than that to live on per month including mortgage and bills. For everything.

The problem is the way he is controlling money. You should both have free access to all family money but discuss any big spends before going ahead with anything.

antimatter · 15/07/2017 12:29

OP pays for her work car (getting to customers etc) with this money not only for the family expenses.

SlothMama · 15/07/2017 12:30

You should have a joint account, I don't understand being given an "allowance" by your husband

megletthesecond · 15/07/2017 12:30

Equal money and equal leisure time is the rule. Why is he stashing away thousands and leaving you to juggle the family finances?

Saiman · 15/07/2017 12:30

I think there needs to be more detail. 1400 is a little less than my take home. Our finances work differently to yours but 1400 covers all what you list and more.

Why does he control the money? Is he an abusive prick or have their been money problems in the past?

antimatter · 15/07/2017 12:30

OP have you been able to cost how much of this money is spend on you getting to work, work equipment etc.

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2017 12:30

I don't understand either how you've spent it all mid month, never mind the end of the month.

Your husband may be mean, but I suspect you're over spending. What is your spend break down?

Saiman · 15/07/2017 12:31

How much do you have in savings?

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 15/07/2017 12:31

You should have a joint account, I don't understand being given an "allowance" by your husband

If she spends £1,400 in two weeks (she says halfway through the month, it's run out and she's dipping into her savings) then I wouldn't want a joint account with her either.

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