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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at having to ask for extra money?

270 replies

PoisonousSmurf · 15/07/2017 12:20

...Otherwise I'd have to use my savings to get the food shopping (again).
I work part time as a cleaner and gardener and earn around £400 a month. My husband pays in £1,000 into my account (we don't have a joint account).
With that I'm expected to pay for all the kids clothes, clubs, school trips, food shopping and pay for my own car tax, fuel and insurance and the electric bill.
So of course by mid month I'm going into my overdraft.
I've not had to ask for extra for months, but he grilled me about WHY?! I'm his wife FFS!
I don't buy new clothes, not had new shoes for ages and I'm not into fashions. Jeans and T-shirt are all I can afford.
In the meantime he has over £10,000 balance on his current account.
He has always been mean with money, but as the kids get older he seems to be worse.
I really don't think I'll be staying with him once the kids are in work and have their own places.
Might as well live alone and on benefits, feels like I'm doing that already.
Do any of you have husbands like this? Mean with money?

OP posts:
EssieTregowan · 15/07/2017 12:31

It's difficult to say whether he's being mean or sensible, really.

I'm a spendy fucker, and 1400 is more than I spend in a month.

There are five of us including two teens, and we only spend around £400 a month on food. It sounds like you're actually spending £2800 a month if the £1400 is gone by mid month. Wtf are you spending it on?

Whosthemummynow · 15/07/2017 12:35

I doubt he'd have 10000 in his current account for long if you had access!!
1400 can only last a couple of weeks?! What on earth are you spending it on?
A logical person would wonder what you're doing and ask. Or should you're DH just put up, shut up and let you skint the family!

Biker47 · 15/07/2017 12:35

You spend £1400 in two weeks each month? What car do you drive to your cleaning job, a Ferarri?

Lules · 15/07/2017 12:36

Leaving aside the fairness of this particular situation, an allowance to me seems far less demeaning than not having my own money and my husband knowing about all my purchases. The only piece of marital advice my mother ever gave me was never have a joint account. They've been married more than 40 years (with a joint account for about 2 months of that!). Different strokes though and all that.

SuperLoveFuzz · 15/07/2017 12:37

Why is the other option living alone on benefits instead of living alone and supporting yourself? Also you're delusional if you think you'd be left with that much to cover just those things on benefits.

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2017 12:38

I'm curious also if he gives you an allowance as you are prone to over spending, and I can see why he would ask what you spend it on, if you're spending on average 700 a week. It's potentially he is being prudent as he worried you can't exercise self control.

Pengggwn · 15/07/2017 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsOverTheRoad · 15/07/2017 12:39

I don't think married or cohabiting couples MUST have a joint bank account except for savings.

DH and I have our own main accounts plus a joint savings account

DH earns more than I do so he gives me, as the SAHP a portion of money every month and I use it for food shopping and kid's clothes and entertainment.

I earn a small amount working from home and I use that as a way of buying my own clothes and extras like nights out with friends.

DH pays all the bills and adds what's left to the savings account...I add something monthly too.

He has a bit left over which he uses for his clothes or for items for his hobbies.

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2017 12:39

And utterly ridiculous responses questioning what the OP spends her money on. That is not the issue

I disagree, I think it's the nub of the issue.

Pengggwn · 15/07/2017 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

donajimena · 15/07/2017 12:42

I spend around 400 per year on two children's clothing. Are you shopping in Holiister?

Topseyt · 15/07/2017 12:43

More information needed really.

I don't subscribe to the general consensus on here that every married couple must have a joint account and fully joint finances necessarily. Many couples are happy without that. There should be a much fairer split though. Him with £10,000 to himself and you with a fraction of that isn't right no matter who pays what bills.

Intheknickersoftime · 15/07/2017 12:43

I can see how you would get through this amount of money. You need to draw up some kind of budget to show him exactly where the money is going and make him realise that this expenditure is his responsibility. If he wants his kids to have nice clothes, go to clubs and school trips and be picked up by you then that costs money. This does seem very demeaning. I can see why other posters would say it seems like a lot but it depends on the lifestyle your used to. For example I could easily see £200 being used in petrol, £50 to£100 on clothes, around £100 on tax, insurance and car expenses and £600 a month on food. That's already over a £1000 without everything else.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 15/07/2017 12:43

If she overspends on family items and bills then that should be their joint problem.

It is their joint problem, and sounds like the husband has taken sensible steps to prevent them jointly getting into huge mounds of debt.

Original poster
PoisonousSmurf · 15/07/2017 12:44

Only have £2,000 in savings now. I have to pay out £50 a week for fuel to get to work and the child benefits go straight into the kids Isa savings accounts.
I run out mid month as I have my £450 overdraft outstanding and it gets taken first thing.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 15/07/2017 12:44

I think it all depends on how many children you have, how many clubs they do, how much school trips cost. I'm presuming you don't get extra when they need school uniform so that could be the reason you've overspent this month?

What about the car? Do you have to pay for repairs etc? And all the fuel for running the kids here, there and everywhere?

It seems wrong to me that you're supporting the children, and going without while your husband has £10k in the bank.

chaplin1409 · 15/07/2017 12:45

Wow wish I had that amount a month and only had to pay those things out of it.

HeyRoly · 15/07/2017 12:46

I'm not going to rag you about how £1400 a month is "plenty".

But I AM wondering how much your husband earns a month and how much he has left over as "his" money once he's given you £1000. That's the key question. Yes, maybe you need to look into budgeting BUT if he had hundreds and hundreds in disposable income every month while you're struggling, that's financially controlling/borderline abusive.

Katiekatie37 · 15/07/2017 12:47

I have less than that to pay everything , all utilities, rent, car, food, clothes and trips and I manage. It's a lot to pay 1 utility bill food and clothes.

Intheknickersoftime · 15/07/2017 12:47

The child benefit should be for you to spend on the children. Who decided it should be saved? Sounds to me like you need that money. But you need to talk to your husband. You can't go on like this.

caffeinestream · 15/07/2017 12:48

I don't understand how you're struggling to pay for all that on £1400 to be honest OP, sorry.

Unless you're about to say you have six kids and they all do an activity everyday.

NellieFiveBellies · 15/07/2017 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saiman · 15/07/2017 12:48

I run out mid month as I have my £450 overdraft outstanding and it gets taken first thing.

You go into every month? Why did that start?

I suspect you have had spending issues in the past? Apologies if thats wrong, but you arent really answering peoples questions.

Intheknickersoftime · 15/07/2017 12:48

I think I agree that how much your husband earns is crucial here.

TheEmmaDilemma · 15/07/2017 12:48

Right, so you aren't spending the full 1400 half way through the month it's just that you aren't paying off the OD so are using it every month.

So back to the what the issue is then?!