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AIBU?

Is DPs ex taking the piss?

215 replies

Dukesofhazzard · 14/07/2017 23:12

So DP had arranged with his ex to get kids tomorrow at 2pm. The reason he said this time is because he's working night-shift til 10.00am and he needs to get a few hours sleep before he gets them. It wasn't arranged that he was having them but she asked and he said the above was the earliest he could take them.

I have plans tomorrow so I couldn't help her out as I have sometimes in the past if he's just came off a night-shift. Anyway, she text him tonight at work and said that the 'people' she had watching the kids up til 2pm can't do it anymore and she would just drop them at our house 10.30am. I have arrangements already made for tomorrow morning, leaving the house at 11am. So DP will have to look after the kids after a 14 hour shift and no sleep. I know he'll just fall asleep on the couch and kids will be left to their own devices. DC are 10 and 7 but 7 year old has SN and needs supervision.

She has a history of arranging things and changing them at the last minute and it's too late to do anything about it. I feel really annoyed that I have to change my plans for her, especially as I don't believe she had morning cover arranged and arranged this knowing she'd change it at the last minute. If I don't do this DP gets no sleep and she won't have child-care while she's at work. AIBU to be really pissed off?

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phoenixtherabbit · 17/07/2017 08:59

You mentioned his familyallback you up, that his XP is an unreliable, part-time selfish, piss taking parent.
Butyoustill chose to be with him despite knowing that!
So surely you went into this with open eyes, and didn't expect it to be all easy? You obviously thought he was worth it

I hate it when people say this. I knew my dp had a child. I didn't know his ex was going to turn from the reasonable woman she seemed to be to an absolute psycho who threatened to have us both killed, kill my in born baby, beat the shit out of me if I ever went to "her town" (where I live!), stop us seeing ss, report oh to the police for being a paedophile (yes really!) I could go on all night. I also didn't know his parents would side with her.

If I had known would I be here? Probably not no!!

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phoenixtherabbit · 17/07/2017 09:01

he Op sounds jealous as she constantly pulls dp's ex to bits. Maybe she doesn't like the fact that this woman shares a child with her dp, and doesn't like it that her dp also looks after his ex's other child. Surely even you can see she sounds extremely bitter about her?

I doubt it. I bet she's probably just pissed off and bored of being messed around and being taken advantage of. I hate my dps ex but I'm certainly not jealous of her!

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JuicyStrawberry · 17/07/2017 09:06

Phoenix
What a psycho.

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phoenixtherabbit · 17/07/2017 09:10

Yes I know. I certainly DID NOT know what I was getting myself into. She seemed like a perfectly normal reasonable woman before she found out about me. Before anyone says "OW" nope. They'd been split up over a year before we even met let alone started seeing each other. Oh had also dated prior to me and she knew about it but God knows what I did to deserve this shower or shit!

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AlongcameMolly · 17/07/2017 09:30

Phoenix

Why have your dp's parents sided with the ex if she's such a 'psycho' do you think?

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Lottie991 · 17/07/2017 09:44

Because alongcamemolly, Not everyone has a decent set of parents who are always loyal and there for them...
Not everything as far as families go is black and white.

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AlongcameMolly · 17/07/2017 09:52

Lottie
I know that everything is not 'black and white' in families.

I find it strange that Phoenix's dps parents 'side' with a woman who supposedly threatened to kill THEIR unborn grandchild.

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Lottie991 · 17/07/2017 09:56

Who knows maybe they are as unhinged as the ex is, Maybe the ex lied and said she didn't say it, As I said not everything is black and white.
Some people just have crap parents.

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JuicyStrawberry · 17/07/2017 09:57

Maybe in phoenix's scenario the ex has been manipulative in order to get everyone to side with her. She's the mother of their grandchildren and can very easily use them as a pawn.

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AlongcameMolly · 17/07/2017 09:58

I agree Lottie.

But sometimes. It's not the ex who is the problem either.

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AlongcameMolly · 17/07/2017 09:59

Maybe juicy. Maybe not.
We only have one side of a story here.

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user1490465531 · 17/07/2017 10:06

Why is it always the ex that is a psycho? Mostly it's due to an unreasonable ex partner that can make even the sanest woman loose it.
Sadly you only ever hear one side of the story and normally blinded by love the new partner chooses to believe it.

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JuicyStrawberry · 17/07/2017 10:12

Anyone who wishes an unborn baby dead is a psycho so....

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phoenixtherabbit · 17/07/2017 11:33

alongcamemolly why don't you just fuck off dear?

They sided with her because they don't know she said that. They were close with her before her and dp split and because me and dp are not utter cunts we decided we would not ruin their relationship. However they did see her punch dp in face but that was because she was "distressed"

I can honestly hand on heart say dp did nothing wrong. Him leaving was wrong to her and him seeing me was very wrong.

I thought she was normal. Good mum. People change when they don't get what they want.

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phoenixtherabbit · 17/07/2017 11:35

Oh and to start with his parents were horrified we were having a baby so they probably wouldn't have cared anyway. They very rarely see him. He doesn't know who they are

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JuicyStrawberry · 17/07/2017 11:42

They very rarely see him. He doesn't know who they are

For his sake it's probably for the best.

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phoenixtherabbit · 17/07/2017 11:44

I agree. It's a shame for ss though because they don't bother with him any more either. Ex has older child who they see every weekend obviously the half sibling of ss.

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Dukesofhazzard · 17/07/2017 13:21

You sound like you're just plain and simple jealous of her
Um no, not in a million years. Of what? That's a very immature statement. Can't I just be genuinely annoyed?

Why would you leave your DH struggling, if he really will be that tired?
I didn't, she did.

it sounds like you simply don't want to help the person you love
I did help, I looked after the kids to let him go to bed.

it will be you shown the door, not them.
Since when did looking after someone else's children become 'making obstacles' You are not even willing to see the full picture that their mother is the one 'making obstacles'

Incidentally, one minute we''re told that the ex wouldn't come home at night's to allow him to go to work (which resulted in him losing his job) and the next we're told that she'd piss off and leave him to look after the dc when he'd been working all night. Which is it to be
All of it. Day and night, WHEN HE WAS WORKING.

One more thing, if he looked after his dc for three years all day after finishing a night shift, then why couldn't he manage it this particular day
Did you miss the it where I said he ended up with exhaustion due to lack of sleep when he was with her, going days with only a couple of hours sleep? Yeah he doesn't fancy that happening again, so he just stayed up for 29 hours this time but he'd rather not get into that cycle again because she's the type of person if you give an inch she'll take 14 miles.

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Dukesofhazzard · 17/07/2017 13:42

phoenixtherabbit

Holy hell, that's shocking. WTF were his parents thinking? You say she was quite normal until you got together? My OHs ex, when she found out that I'd met the kids went the opposite way(about a year after we met)it was the only time she wanted to have the kids, if she knew they were at my house, she was ringing OH saying she missed the kids and he needed to bring them home to her..only time EVER in their lives...but I'm the jealous one? ...it didn't last long though.

Why have your dp's parents sided with the ex if she's such a 'psycho' do you think
Because psycho ex has the power to cut them off from the kids.

Sadly you only ever hear one side of the story and normally blinded by love the new partner chooses to believe it
It's not 'one side of the story when I can hear and see her saying the things and doing the things that I'm talking about. It's not 'one side of the story when an entire family are telling me what a nightmare she was and how they all witnessed these things to. Why are you so reluctant to believe that these women exist?

alongcamemolly why don't you just fuck off dear
Perfectly put.
People change when they don't get what they want
Oh don't they just. Seen it with my own eyes.

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Dukesofhazzard · 17/07/2017 13:51

As for mentioning his stepson as "HER child", clearly he doesn't see it that way, or he simply wouldn't have maintained contact with him

He is her child though, he has no parental rights, which she has reminded him of. He isn't allowed to make any decisions about this boys life, is never consulted about anything so yeah he is her child.

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mydogmymate · 17/07/2017 14:00

OP, my daughter goes through this with her DP's ex. FaceTimeing at 9pm & going away for the weekend forcing him to take a days leave from a new job. I'm a single parent but she's royally taking the piss out of you both and being a crap parent.
Ignore the negative posts on here, I would've loved someone like you as my children's step mum. You and your DP are doing a great job

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Dukesofhazzard · 17/07/2017 14:06

mydogmymate

Thank you so much. Some people can just be so selfish, as long as they get what they want no-one and nothing else matters. I can't understand why some people on here find it all so hard to believe when we(step-parents) are living it. After changing all our plans at the weekend for her, we asked last night to keep kids an extra night and were told no, we accepted that, it will not be mentioned again but if we'd said no to her, we feel guilty...why doesn't she?

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phoenixtherabbit · 17/07/2017 14:13

Yes dukes she seemed normal enough to me. Quite reasonable. She let dp do what he wanted with ss, see him whenever really. Then I came along and she just lost her shit really. Kicked off big time. She tried to stop him seeing him. Stopped him getting anything (they had a house together that he paid for and continued to lay for even when we were together. On top of maintenance and whatever else she demanded. He saw a solicitor she eventually bought him out for half the market value. And he never even got the full amount he has to wait for half until ss is 18. She's a piece of work but yes at the start she seemed like a perfectly normal reasonable human being.

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mydogmymate · 17/07/2017 14:18

I think it's because she's a hard faced cow and you're not! Unfortunately these people exist and you can only take your cue from her behaviour. She strikes me as very entitled and if the children haven't seen it yet they will as they get older. They'll remember that dad was always there and mum dumped them at every opportunity. Keep going, she needs to respect boundaries

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Willyoujustbequiet · 17/07/2017 14:27

OP I don't understand what you find confusing about my posts. Reread them.

I said the mum is the RP and does the vast majority of the parenting. Along with her family which is none of your concern really.

My point was that seeing that your dp doesn't pull his weight equally as a parent can he not just suck it up this time. He owes her surely ?

Other than that you are just sounding bitter.

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