Is DPs ex taking the piss?

[Dukesofhazzard]

So DP had arranged with his ex to get kids tomorrow at 2pm. The reason he said this time is because he's working night-shift til 10.00am and he needs to get a few hours sleep before he gets them. It wasn't arranged that he was having them but she asked and he said the above was the earliest he could take them.

I have plans tomorrow so I couldn't help her out as I have sometimes in the past if he's just came off a night-shift. Anyway, she text him tonight at work and said that the 'people' she had watching the kids up til 2pm can't do it anymore and she would just drop them at our house 10.30am. I have arrangements already made for tomorrow morning, leaving the house at 11am. So DP will have to look after the kids after a 14 hour shift and no sleep. I know he'll just fall asleep on the couch and kids will be left to their own devices. DC are 10 and 7 but 7 year old has SN and needs supervision.

She has a history of arranging things and changing them at the last minute and it's too late to do anything about it. I feel really annoyed that I have to change my plans for her, especially as I don't believe she had morning cover arranged and arranged this knowing she'd change it at the last minute. If I don't do this DP gets no sleep and she won't have child-care while she's at work. AIBU to be really pissed off?

[Dukesofhazzard]

Willyoujustbequiet
And by default you saying her parents have them virtually full time it goes to show that the mum/and her family do virtually all the parenting and not your dp

I genuinely don't understand what you're talking about. Where have I claimed he does all the parenting? I don't know what your post has to do with anything.

[Dukesofhazzard]

Lelloteddy

Oh a live bitter ex.

[Dukesofhazzard]

Mistake the Dad made was in thinking she'd step up after he left

She did for a while in the beginning, I think possibly the parents may be getting fed up now.

[Dukesofhazzard]

this place shouldn't be called mums net - by parents for parents

it should be womens net - by birth mothers, against men, stepmothers and mother in laws

Haha, Yeah, I should have posted in the step-parent board, the bitterness from some people is baffling.

[BitchQueen90]

As a single parent myself whose exh works shifts I wouldn't expect my ex to have DS after working a night shift. It would be shit for them both, ex would be too tired to want to do much and DS would get fed up. If it's not his contact day and he can't do it then she'll have to find alternative childcare.

If she is the RP however then it's her business as to who helps her with childcare. How often the DC are with their grandparents isn't the OP's business nor the dad's unless he is willing to go to court for residency.

[Fruitcorner123]

this place shouldn't be called mums net - by parents for parents

it should be womens net - by birth mothers, against men, stepmothers and mother in laws

So true! Especially men who are exes. It's apparently not possible to split from the mother of your child and be a good dad.

[Dukesofhazzard]

The poor diddums was asked to get out of his bed a few hours earlier than he wanted to. In order to care for HIS children

No he wasn't asked to get out of bed, he never got to bed after his 14 hour night-shift so all in all he was awake for 29 hours before he got any sleep, but hey, who cares as long as the selfish mother is accommodated. I'll break it down for you. Up on friday morning at 8am...starts works on Friday night at 8pm...finishes at 10.00am saturday morn...gets kids at 10.30am...gets to bed at 1pm because I had to cut short my plans and come home and let him sleep.

And only one is his child, if he didn't take the other child she would be well and truly fucked but hey he's a nasty, lazy bugger according to you.

[Dukesofhazzard]

BitchQueen90

How often the DC are with their grandparents isn't the OP's business nor the dad's unless he is willing to go to court for residency

She won't give him full custody of both and if he went to court and won custody of his own child, it would mean splitting the children up, that would be cruel.

[needsomesunshineandwine]

this place shouldn't be called mums net - by parents for parents

it should be womens net - by birth mothers, against men, stepmothers and mother in laws



Correct 😴

[donners312]

it's irrelevant whether he is working or sleeping or what. The arrangement had been for 2pm and she can't expect you to all drop everything to help her.

And i say that as a single mum who gets NO help form ex or his family.

And he is really good to take the other sibling too, as are you.

Not sure why everyone is going so mad at you? It might be nice for the children if you can be the one who is always there for them but think a pp said you might just end up being the mug as well.

[Dukesofhazzard]

donners312

You have my sympathies, I have an ex like yours, abandoned my DC because he said he was 'too tired' on the weekends to take them. I shit you not. That's why it's laughable the posters calling my DP lazy baffles me.

[inlectorecumbit]

I think both you and your DP have been getting a very hard time here OP.
There seems to be an awful lot of bitter ex's on MN these days

i just wish people would read the thread properly before commenting as an awful lot of assumptions have been made.

[AgnesNitt1976]

Yes she is taking the piss and I am a single mum whose DD15 is lucky to spend more than a week a year with her father.

I do not understand why you are getting a hard time on here, I think DH is great to be active in the older child's life considering everything.

[Dukesofhazzard]

inlectorecumbit

I agree, I said above somewhere about a lot of bitter exs on here.

AgnesNitt1976

Your poor DD, what a poor excuse for a 'father'. My DDs 'father' doesn't even bother anymore, he dropped his 3 hours mid-week and is 'too tired' at weekends.

[KimmySchmidt1]

They're his kids. I think it's just the nature of being a parent. He will have to suck it up. Harder when you're divorced but there's no one else who is responsible for those kids except him and her, is there?

[AgnesNitt1976]

I am sick of the false promises that he will make more of an effort and see her more often.

I am fortunate to have a supportive family but they do not replace him or his responsibilities to his daughter.

I really do not get some so called parents simply opting out of their children's lives, I could never see myself doing that.

[Dukesofhazzard]

Harder when you're divorced but there's no one else who is responsible for those kids except him and her, is there?

That's correct but when he can't do it, due to being awake for 29 hours because she changed the arrangements last minute, I had to step in cutting my plans short. Why didn't she change her plans?

[Dukesofhazzard]

AgnesNitt1976

Your DDs at an age now where it might not be too long before she realises what a loser he is and decides she's done with him for good.

[NukaColaGirl]

Night shifts are fucking brutal. I moved in with my Dad when I was 14 and he worked 3 on 3 off night shifts - I stayed with my GPs when he was working.

[Lottie991]

Op you and your other half are doing nothing wrong at all, Its obvious you both care for these children and step up to the plate.

[AgnesNitt1976]

Oh she already realises and has said that she has always been my priority and she feels like an afterthought by him. They facetime roughly once a week and I think he has realised that he has not been the best father but that hasn't pushed him to see her more.

Several years ago he accused me of using her maintenance money for myself like a lot of NRP and now he sends her pocket money on occasion. However that doesn't give me a break, I would kill for her to see him EOW as much as for her benefit and for my sanity.

One lovely thing she did say amongst the usual teenage angst is that if she were to marry then I would be walking her down the aisle, which made me cry.

[ladyyyglittersparkles]

OP YANBU
I've spent years watching my DP be fucked about and generally harassed by his ex. And unfortunately her abusive behaviour affected the DC massively. And then began to affect my dc.

[Lelloteddy]

awwww hon did you MISS the bit where I mentioned being a stepmum? Or does it just not suit your agenda?

If you're with a guy who adopts the opt in/opt out method of parenting, here's hoping the same rules won't apply to your kids.
BTW, night shifts may be brutal but I'm struggling to find research to back up the premise that not sleeping for a period of longer than 24 hours on a one off basis will cause your DH to combust

[Lottie991]

Lelloteddy you make me cringe with your antagonising, immature behaviour.

[phoenixtherabbit]

awwww hon did you MISS the bit where I mentioned being a stepmum? Or does it just not suit your agenda?

If you're with a guy who adopts the opt in/opt out method of parenting, here's hoping the same rules won't apply to your kids.
BTW, night shifts may be brutal but I'm struggling to find research to back up the premise that not sleeping for a period of longer than 24 hours on a one off basis will cause your DH to combust

Let's hope you're not as patronising towards your step kids then eh.....

Kids have two parents. He's working a night shift, she's changed her plans Because?? We don't know. Unless she absolutely had to change them for an incredibly important reason - then she shouldn't have. Plus it's her weekend anyway so find a babysitter. You can't just dump kids on the other parent when you can't be arsed. It doesn't (or shouldn't) work like that. If anyone is opting in and out of parenting it is the children's mother, surely?