Really shaken, need your thoughts on clash with neighbour.

[Lalunya85]

Walking home with the kids, one in the buddy and 3yo on a bike. We're crossing a road which is difficult and dangerous to cross at the best of times. It's residential but lots of parked cars and really difficult to see if a car is turning into the street etc.

A car was parked on the double yellow lines, blocking the dropped curb. A woman was unpacking the boot of her car and taking stuff into her house that was just next to the parked car.

I approached her and said very calmly and quietly (there were other people nearby and I didn't want her to feel attacked). I said in those exact words: "hi excuse me, I know it's really difficult around here with parking, but I just wanted to let you know it's really dangerous trying to cross with my kids when you are blocking the dropped curb"

She went from 0 to 100. She said all sorts of things like "stop interfering", "have you got a job? I run two businesses!", "do you have postnatal depression, get a life!" and "stop harassing me."

I replied very calmly, especially since my kids were nearby. I said "I'm not harassing you, I just wanted to make you aware this is dangerous. Why are you insulting me?"

It went on like this for a while. Then she said, shut up and fuck off. So I said, and I regret this: "in that case I'm going to take a picture of your car", and did exactly that. She then walked up really close, said she would take my phone, I thought for a moment she was going to hit me. It was awful. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

She then took a picture with her phone of me and my kids standing on the pavement.

I then walked off eventually. We live only a few doors Dow, around the corner. I don't know this woman but clearly we are almost neighbours.

I'm still shaking. My instinct was to go back to her house, and tell it it hadn't been my intention to start a fight, and clearly she couldn't hear what I was trying to say. I would tell her that I have deleted the picture (I haven't yet) and would ask her to do the same. I didn't go over there because I wouldn't want to take the kids and dh isn't home.

I hate conflict.

What do I do now?? The fact that she lives so close scares me.

hks what if it had been someone in a wheelchair how are they supossed to get up and down if the dropped kerb is blocked

This is getting ridiculous. There are the “grow a spine” people who will battle an army of berserkers by word of mouth, and the “call the army” people, like hks who will call their insurers when the first snowflake falls.

I am confined to a wheelchair, and people like me can easily mount an ordinary kerb. Some of us with weaker arms may need some help, but we often carry a board that can be placed for us to get over a rise. Wheelchair passage is blocked just as often as pedestrian or car passage, and I would have had no problem with asking the woman to move her car.

Please hks don't defend me from the world; I have a much better idea of what I need than you do, and in general people are much more accommodating than you are.

The OP's problem is that she was triggered in a stressful moment and she responded in a way that she regrets. She is aware of her failing, and I am certain that everyone here can identify with her. Calling names at her or the lady that made her angry, or advising that the authorities be called, will only make things worse.

I know exactly the burden that the OP is feeling, and I sympathise whole-heartedly. She is a fine and ordinary woman who has a conscience and cares about other people. She has done nothing especially wrong and will be feeling much better in a day or two.

Launya Here's a digital from me. I hope you feel better soon. x

Lalunya I'm sorry for the missing “L”. You know who I meant!

Occasionally stuff like this blows up out of nowhere. I once got ranted at on a bus because I politely asked someone to move their bag, which was taking up a third of my seat. I was able to move seats next to my husband in the seat behind a few minutes later. I can't remember exactly what happened at the end of the journey, but something of mine ended up somehow falling next to the ranter, which might have been the cause of more trouble. However, she handed it back to me nicely and gave me a sheepish smile. You may just have caught her the wrong way at the wrong moment. Try to let it go and not be too shaken up by it. Avoid this unstable woman in future and that's likely to be the end of it. You may even find that she thinks twice about her parking on another occasion (here's hoping).

Wait til your children start school. You will have dozens of parents parking dangerously- blocking dropped kerbs, on corners, on double yellow lines, on zigzags.
Theses people are all very important. Much more important than you and your children. They don't have to obey the silly rules.

Don't go around there jumping on her dick. Youve done nothing wrong.
Infact her using abusing language shows that she knew she was in the wrong. Albeit subconsciously or, she wouldn't have been getting all defensive.

Some people you just can't reason with. Its not worth trying.
She doesn't add anything to your life does she

Don't go around there jumping on her dick.

I. Have. Never. Heard. This. Expression. Before.

Its probably a Regional thing.

Basically means.
Don't go crawling up her arse/kissing her feet/or bowing and curtsing to her.
WTF is she.

For those commenting that 101 is over the top, it is an offence to use abusive or threatening behaviour under the public order act. Nobody should be made to feel threatened - that's what the police are there for.

Only the conversation is 99% likely to go something like this;

'Well what happened officer, I was badly parked I admit this, I was only going to be three minutes, this real busy body was buzzing about, and then started taking my picture my weirdo. So I told her to get out of my face. I swore? No. Threatened to take her phone? Not me officer. Intimidated her? No way.'

Any independent witnesses? No.

Complaint filed. Only instead of a minor spat that probably would have blown over you've created a world of pain because you've called the police on a neighbour.

Yes I'm a PC too and whoever said a PCSO would be really interested, I was one of them first and I'd have felt the same then as I do now.

Why do so many people ( often females) have to resort to using foul language in order to make a point? The use of the "F" and "C" words add nothing to the conversation other than show a lack of being able to make a point without using swear words.

Valsie1 that's not really true though is it? Maybe you just know some thick swearers, but I would say that swearing can be very effective and expressive.

Call 101. We had a neighbour like this, and he ended up punching my husband in front of the kids, and I had to call the police. The police were great. This woman needs the police to visit her and discuss why harrassing people who politely point out you're doing something illegal is itself illegal.

Honey, you cant reason with stupid people.

Hmm, sounds like a middle-of-the-night vigilante mission could be in order. Are you above using a car key as an instrument of artistic expression?

I really think there's more to this story. Someone who feels intimidated now would not have behaved like that in the first place. If you didn't want confrontation you shouldn't have approached her in the first place.
It seems as though you've come on here to justify your actions. Unfortunately I think you're missing a big chunk of what happened, mainly her side

I had a massive row once with a woman at the swimming pool over a 'saved' changing room. I ended up arguing back but she was very aggressive and ended up driving her car round to me in the car park and said 'you've vexed me' you watch yourself'. I was terrified but knew I would see her for the next term. After lots of deliberating about what to do I eventually apologised for my small part of the argument. Hopefully stopping it turning into anything else. She barely acknowledged my apology and ignored me every other time I saw her but it made my life but more stress free.

Maybe you could do something like that?

Whist her reaction was horrible, I can understand her frustration.

Choice of unloading for two minutes quickly outside your house or parking 20m away doing numerous trips carrying shopping? Can you honestly say you wouldn't do the same occasionally? Whilst I would try to do the right thing most times I'm sure there would be times when I was in a hurry of my back hurt or whatever, and I would do what the woman did.

sevensisters, I couldn't disagree more. Far from 'but I've got chiiiiiildren' it's very often car drivers who go a bit power crazy. I remember being at a party and over hearing someone talking about going to the European Court of Human Rights because she hadn't been able to get a parking space (she obviously had got a space, or she wouldn't have been at the party).
As someone who walks a lot with my chiiiiiildren, there are days when you get fed up with cars not indicating (more and more common), stopping over crossings or ignoring them, parking and stopping over dropped curbs, the list goes on. None of us are perfect but driving a car doesn't give anyone special privileges.

I hate entitled cunts who think that can block the dropped curb.

She (as far as I understand) wasn't doing anything wrong. You can park on double yellows or over a dropped car to unload and load

www.drivingtesttips.biz/dropped-kerb-parking.html

As long as she drove off afterwards you had a go at someone going about their business perfectly legally so I can kind of see why she was pissed off

dropped curb not car obs, dont park over other cars!

Basically you were a busybody and she reacted in a predictable way. If you were not prepared for a row you should not have gone over to tell her off! Looking at it objectively you were told to f off. This is obviously unpleasant but you also again upped the ante by telling her you were going to take a picture of her car. Why? You pretty much caused most of this yourself.

Splodge- but she didn't 'have a go' initially.

she told her she was doing something "dangerous" when she was doing nothing wrong. I agree she didnt need to be aggressive and her response was OTT but you cant just go up to people doing perfectly legal reasonable things like unloading their car and tell them off

Haven't RTFT so not sure if anyone has pointed it out but - you CAN park over a dropped kerb if you are loading or unloading your vehicle. Doesn't excuse her behaviour but it wasn't illegal as long as she was loading or unloading.