Really shaken, need your thoughts on clash with neighbour.

[Lalunya85]

Walking home with the kids, one in the buddy and 3yo on a bike. We're crossing a road which is difficult and dangerous to cross at the best of times. It's residential but lots of parked cars and really difficult to see if a car is turning into the street etc.

A car was parked on the double yellow lines, blocking the dropped curb. A woman was unpacking the boot of her car and taking stuff into her house that was just next to the parked car.

I approached her and said very calmly and quietly (there were other people nearby and I didn't want her to feel attacked). I said in those exact words: "hi excuse me, I know it's really difficult around here with parking, but I just wanted to let you know it's really dangerous trying to cross with my kids when you are blocking the dropped curb"

She went from 0 to 100. She said all sorts of things like "stop interfering", "have you got a job? I run two businesses!", "do you have postnatal depression, get a life!" and "stop harassing me."

I replied very calmly, especially since my kids were nearby. I said "I'm not harassing you, I just wanted to make you aware this is dangerous. Why are you insulting me?"

It went on like this for a while. Then she said, shut up and fuck off. So I said, and I regret this: "in that case I'm going to take a picture of your car", and did exactly that. She then walked up really close, said she would take my phone, I thought for a moment she was going to hit me. It was awful. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

She then took a picture with her phone of me and my kids standing on the pavement.

I then walked off eventually. We live only a few doors Dow, around the corner. I don't know this woman but clearly we are almost neighbours.

I'm still shaking. My instinct was to go back to her house, and tell it it hadn't been my intention to start a fight, and clearly she couldn't hear what I was trying to say. I would tell her that I have deleted the picture (I haven't yet) and would ask her to do the same. I didn't go over there because I wouldn't want to take the kids and dh isn't home.

I hate conflict.

What do I do now?? The fact that she lives so close scares me.

I don't think ywbu but also don't think 'informing' people they are doing something wrong ever works. OK she might have been reasonable and said sorry and not done it again, but to be honest the reasonable people are not usually the people parking on double yellows. Better to teach your kids how to navigate around unsafely parked cars and unreasonable people as your dc are the ones you can influence. I doubt she will cause you any trouble, just try to put it behind you.

InfiniteSheldon has it spot on here.

My sympathies OP. It’s appalling how people in the UK go from 0-100 instantly nowadays. It wasn’t like that years ago. People, in general, learned to live with each other, for obvious reasons.

Now, it’s all just ME ME ME with no thought for others. (try school mums!)

I have a temper if ever I need it. Of course that only very rarely happens, as I control myself appropriately.

Some people obviously need counselling. I imagine the course would be titled: “You are NOT the only person on this planet”.

I'm puzzled at all the fiery judgements here from people who make an instant decision of guilt while doing exactly the same themselves. Loud and angry is never a solution to anything, and it is ridiculous to be angry at the OP for being angry.

Everyone of any age has been in a situation where they have been surprised or felt threatened to an extent where they made an unconsidered response, and all of us will continue to make mistakes. There will be some who have become inured to or familiar with social embarrassment, but it is foolish to expect the rest of the world to be in the same position with the same feelings.

“Pull yourself together” answers are never useful. Please share a point of view if you have one, but points of view are useful only because they are always unique. If you expect your view to be obvious then it is pointless to express it.

It is most important to be able to show kindness and encouragement to those who need it. Ridicule will leave you disliked and isolated, needing help.

I think where bad parkers are concerned, I have always carefully picked my battles.
I've encountered some dreadful inconsiderate parking, where they are literally parked up for the day, blocking entire pathways that have 50mph country road on one side, 12ft hedge on the other. Try navigating that one with a pram!
This scenario however, is a little different. The fact she was actually there, unloading her boot to & fro the house, would change things down a gear for me. So in that regard, I think I'd have left well alone.

Hey welcome to my world.
I work in a public facing industry where there should not be any conflict, but if I get treated like you did, I consider it a good day.
Grow up it's a big bad world out there, if that's the first time you have had an incident like that consider yourself very lucky.

OP- people generally lash out when they know they are in the wrong. She was in the wrong.

The thing is....people that park badly ARE selfish shitheads, so why would you expect a better response on seeing the parking? Did you expect her to nod, guiltily and slink back into her car and move it? Our two nearest neighbours park like selfish twats constantly. I was naive enough to tackle one about it years ago. We don't speak. I've not bothered with the other ones, it's a form of intimidation and I'm afraid I dissassociate myself from all forms of twattishness where possible. Makes for a quiet life.

Over my life (56yrs) I'v always been considerate and respectful of others, but over the last few years I have come into contact with so many rude and entitled people I'v changed, so later tonight go and run a key up the side of her car.

Conflict is awful op and especially conflict with neighbours we have all had a row with a random and felt shaken but you started it and embarrassed her and I agree with other posters what did you want to get out of that conversation or expect, stopping on double yellows to drop something off is not the crime of the century and what was the three year old doing on the bike if it was really dangerous. She is not a danger to you although she acted like and aggressive knob and is probably not your neighbour in any case and she will be just as keen to avoid you as you are to her. The police will not be interested in a short row between strangers.nchalk it up to experience and in a few days you will have forgotten about it.

You can't hate conflict if you did all that. I would have muttered under my breath and crossed somewhere else. You should know you can't argue with stupid. She sounds like she was unloading her car and most people would park as near as possible to their house to do that.
If you don't want confrontation, don't confront people.

Grow up it's a big bad world out there
I hear this sentiment a lot, and it's not the wisest advice.

The people who claim they are immune to insults, threats, or abuse are generally either lying or particularly unintelligent. Most often they are liars who are more terrified of admitting fear than of the terror itself.

Did the three year old ride on the road or cross the road on her bike? I'm not clear and they are very different.

You sound awful OP

I'm not sure why you felt you had to speak to her.. wouldn't a loud 'tut' with 'it's very difficult to cross here isn't it' to the children have been enough? And taking a photo is enough to make anyone see red! Just try to forget about it now and put the whole unfortunate episode to the back of your mind and maybe think twice about confronting anyone again!

OP I think you ran the risk of antagonising her by approaching her when she was busy getting stuff out of her car on double yellows: you must have delayed her I guess.
I don't know what you thought she was going to say?
And entering into a fracas with her seems very misjudged- both taking photos? Madness.
I think you bit off way more than you could chew with a stranger . You aren't the Traffic warden after all.

OP What do I do now?? The fact that she lives so close scares me

You wait until you feel better. It may take a few days, but unless your neighbour is very ill there will be no threat from her. You will feel better by tomorrow and probably be left with just a bad memory on Monday.

Do you have a partner? Ask for hugs.

Don't blame anyone. Neither you nor your neighbour planned to be unpleasant or to undermine the other.

Enjoy your weekend.

for you OP, I hope you are feeling better. I cannot believe some of the responses on here. You approached someone sensibly and calmly when they were committing a crime. I have to be honest I think it was badly judged to have done it with your kids there but we have all made mistakes, just learn from it. Sounds like you showed your children what being an adult is about so you should be proud that you didn't shout or swear or bring yourself down to her level. I wouldn't delete that photo but I would just forget it. If you feel threatened again call the police. That IS what they are there for. For those unsympathetic ppl out there saying its a big bad world, id ignore them, they are probably just like her. Take care.

Our local newspaper is full of cases like this so obviously people report it and it goes to some sort of court where the guilty party shows remorse, reels out a few excuses and is made to pay £50 victims' compensation or something like that. Yes, nothing much happens where I live, luckily

I bet she has form for outbursts like the one on the OP. Bottom line is, she was breaking the law with her parking and then she used foul language.

People park badly all the time to drop things off. She was probably in a hurry and assessed the situation. Thinking I will only be a few minutes and then you assumed she hadn't cared at all. She forgot you don't know her and she became defensive. Feeling embarrassed. She should have explained by saying. Sorry you know what it's like. I will only be a few minutes and I will move the car. Can I help you cross the road. Or she is just an entitled cow and nothing you did or said would make any difference. These people spend their whole life in conflict which I am sure you don't. I had a similar situation in my single track lane. Being harranged for not backing up when the other car had less distance to reverse and I ended up reversing back into my drive. I do it all the time. Bearing in mind everyone uses the end of my drive to pull in to let people buy. . Threatening me with the police. It was unbelievable. What is wrong with people these days. Of course they know where I live . The water board are closing the road soon for a few days. It will be bliss.

I call it "Shitting Dog Syndrome".
You know, like when someone's dog is shitting everywhere publicly and they don't clean it up, and no matter HOW politely you might bring the subject up with them you are immediately submitted to a barrage of threatening & unwarranted sweary abuse.
Because they KNOW they're wrong and shouldn't be doing it.
It's Shitting Dog Syndrome, you're a better person than her, so just let it go. There's a possibility she won't do it again, but no guarantees of course.

what if it had been someone in a wheelchair how are they supossed to get up and down if the dropped kerb is blocked
..id ask local community police to see where you stand

Mrstiggywink49 wouldn't a loud 'tut' with 'it's very difficult to cross here isn't it' to the children have been enough?

That's ridiculous. The passive-aggressive approach will leave you with a life time of bitter grievances because no one ever took the hint.

Say what you mean, weather the response, and go back to normal in the knowledge that someone knows your feelings instead of wondering what that funny woman was “tutting” about.

Very very few people intend to cause offence, and the more common problem is to raise their awareness without giving them a problem.

OzBoy I call it "Shitting Dog Syndrome

That's not a shitting dog, That's a shitting dog

But, really, how does that help the OP?

She's defensive because she's been caught out in the wrong.

She probably thinks you're a bit self righteous for pointing it out so verbally spat at you.

She's picked the buttons she thinks will press a mother hardest, like insinuating you have PND etc. It's a lazy but effective insult tactic.

Ignore her, don apologise, it will get you nowhere.
She isn't going to ramp up to your doorstep for round two. Most you'll get is a dirty look next time you cross paths I imagine.

Sorry, I'm with her. She was only unloading her car, but you had to play the "but I've got chillllllldren!" card. Your own silly fault when you could have just walked around her, and taking a picture of her car was inflammatory and ridiculous. I'd have told you to fuck off too, probably.