Really shaken, need your thoughts on clash with neighbour.

[Lalunya85]

Walking home with the kids, one in the buddy and 3yo on a bike. We're crossing a road which is difficult and dangerous to cross at the best of times. It's residential but lots of parked cars and really difficult to see if a car is turning into the street etc.

A car was parked on the double yellow lines, blocking the dropped curb. A woman was unpacking the boot of her car and taking stuff into her house that was just next to the parked car.

I approached her and said very calmly and quietly (there were other people nearby and I didn't want her to feel attacked). I said in those exact words: "hi excuse me, I know it's really difficult around here with parking, but I just wanted to let you know it's really dangerous trying to cross with my kids when you are blocking the dropped curb"

She went from 0 to 100. She said all sorts of things like "stop interfering", "have you got a job? I run two businesses!", "do you have postnatal depression, get a life!" and "stop harassing me."

I replied very calmly, especially since my kids were nearby. I said "I'm not harassing you, I just wanted to make you aware this is dangerous. Why are you insulting me?"

It went on like this for a while. Then she said, shut up and fuck off. So I said, and I regret this: "in that case I'm going to take a picture of your car", and did exactly that. She then walked up really close, said she would take my phone, I thought for a moment she was going to hit me. It was awful. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

She then took a picture with her phone of me and my kids standing on the pavement.

I then walked off eventually. We live only a few doors Dow, around the corner. I don't know this woman but clearly we are almost neighbours.

I'm still shaking. My instinct was to go back to her house, and tell it it hadn't been my intention to start a fight, and clearly she couldn't hear what I was trying to say. I would tell her that I have deleted the picture (I haven't yet) and would ask her to do the same. I didn't go over there because I wouldn't want to take the kids and dh isn't home.

I hate conflict.

What do I do now?? The fact that she lives so close scares me.

What are you going to do with the photo? Presumably you took it for a reason?

Your neighbour sounds awful. I hope you feel better soon.

I've challenged someone before about parking on double yellow lines next to a junction making it more dangerous for pedestrians and other vehicles. There was no reason for her to be so aggressive.

Try to put it out of your mind now though

You weren't stupid. Taking a photo of her car wouldn't have bothered her if she had been parked legally would it?

My husband wanted to take a photo of a SKY van blocking the pavement for pedestrians near our house and tweet it or put it on 9gag with the title "Believe in better parking" but it moved before he could find his phone darn It!

chickrock thanks for the comment. Just to clarify, my ds gets of his bike and pushes it across the road when I tell him that it's safe to do so. There's no other way for me to get to the local park, and he loves his bike.

Don't delete the picture - do your pictures autobackup? I'd send mine to DH / a close friend on whatsAp with a brief unpanicked "odd thing just happened, could you keep a copy of this saved" account of what happened, purely so somebody else has had sight of it. I'd rather still have the photo just in case she is a total nut job and confronts you again with family members in tow, or does some weird petty thing like find out which car is yours and key it, or phone the police and accuses you of invented misdemeanours such as talking on your phone at the wheel or blocking her drive or takes some other random petty revenge.

Don't go to her door, she doesn't deserve an apology or even trying to reason with her. If you see her out on the street again, just blank her.

Why are so many people saying call 101, isn't that a huge over-reaction?

Why don't you call the 101, tell them about what happened and tell them you have a picture of her bad parking?

What crime has been committed?

DON'T APOLOGISE!

She shouldn't have parked at a dropped kerb, that's really inconsiderate of her and downright rude to have reacted like that to you pointing out that in fact, she was causing an obstruction by parking there!

What if someone in a wheelchair has come along only to find the dropped kerb blocked? Her work/mood/convenience is not more important than a wheelchair user finding themselves unable to cross the road because she is a lazy sod who wouldn't park elsewhere!

Don't delete the photo.

Please don't report to the local police. Nothing really happened apart from minor words between neighbours. Don't apologise. Just forget it and I'm sure she won't park there like that again.

I've discovered the rudest thing you can ask a dog owner is 'Please could you call your dog back?' It is amazing what volley of abuse will be thrown at you, but they still don't control their dog. I think the thing to remember is nice dog owners don't let their dog approach us in the first place, it's only rude people that allow the problem to be created in the first place. Same here, a GF every night thought there was a special space saved for him among the masses of school run cars, right at the end of a path, blocking the dropped kerb for the very busy for here pedestrian crossing. He too was aggressive and genuinely didn't seem to understand the highway code and dropped kerbs. After I had explained this he did move his car, round the corner, half over a dropped kerb for someone's driveway, for the rest of the next week.
You did nothing wrong, that's why she verbally attacked you, you were right. Yes send the photo to the right people, you won't be the first or last person she's behaved like this too.

OP if the woman's house is near a school then she is probably subjected to people parking like absolute arseholes on a daily basis who probably block her drive and make her life difficult. The roads around schools are full of people parking illegally all the time.

I'm not defending her, but seriously, you didn't need to tell her she was parked dangerously/incorrectly, she already knew that. I'm still not sure what you hoped to achieve.

Please do not go and apologise. She was in the wrong, and it will only make things worse.

She shouldn't have parked there, she shouldn't have abused you in front of your children(or at all) and she certainly shouldn't have taken a photo of your children. Hopefully, she will now be worried you are going to report her, and she'll be careful not to park so inconsiderately again.

No need to do anything else, but keep the photo - just in case she does. Which is extremely unlikely.

There's been cuts of nearly 19,000 police officers since 2010. This when coupled with cuts to other essential services (with the old bill picking up the slack) means there's very very few officers.

Why in the name of all that is fucking holy, would they need to be involved in This?

I really don't believe you're the delicate anxious little flower you're making out to be.

You challenged a woman who was clearly parked temporarily whilst emptying her car, you stood and argued with her to make your point, then whipped out your phone to take a picture - why did you do that? You know where she lives, she hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, taking a photo is a really intimidating act on your behalf and I don't believe anyone on here would be happy about some oddball total stranger doing that to them.

Whenever photos like that end up on FB or in the media with a sob story attached it always ends up that the person who took the photo has lied or embellished the story and is a massive twat.

sorry but you ought to call the police.

This was a verbal assault in public. There will be laws to cover it- disturbing the peace, perhaps.

She was also parked illegally and dangerously and she threatened to steal your phone.

what else does she have to do to make you see she needs reporting?

Can't believe posters who say ignore

She needs a visit from PC Plod and a bit of a stern talking to.

I am baffled as to why you even approached her in the first place. Why do you think you should do something now? Just forget about it, I'm sure she has.

Yes and people who've been burgled can just wait a bit longer as the police are busy telling people off for having an argument with their neighbour...

I hate conflict

can't hate it that much when you tell off strangers for their parking and take pictures of their cars.

She won't do anything. She was in the wrong and she probably knows it. She probably had a bad day and you felt the brunt of it. People tend to flare up on the defensive when they're in the wrong. If you see her again, just ignore her. She should be apologising, you did nothing wrong!

I'm not defending her, but seriously, you didn't need to tell her she was parked dangerously/incorrectly, she already knew that. I'm still not sure what you hoped to achieve.
I don't see the relevance. If I have a problem, like finding a parking space the answer is to go and find a safe, legal parking space. If it's to far that my problem, in parking incorrectly they are making it everybody else's problem, it's putting myself before other vulnerable people, young dc and wheelchair users. Do I get to what I like just so long as I know I'm in the wrong?

She was out of order reacting like that, but it seems clear from your post that she had no intention of parking there, but was just quickly unloading her car. She went waaay OTT, but I wouldn't have said anything to her in the first place.

If you have never seen her before, she has presumably never seen you before, and I doubt she is going to suddenly make it her life's work to find out where you live.

Confrontation of any kind is often massively stressful, and I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit freaked out right now, but I would honestly leave it at this point. Tonight before you go to sleep you will probably think of some absolute zingers you could have said that would have reduced her to tears on the spot. Then just forget about the whole thing.

Do not go round there, you might get more than you bargained for !
What you should do, is call 101, and get this logged.
She sounds like a fruit loop, if you don't, you might regret it, at least then, your back is covered,
Don't delete the photograph.
Toughen up Lalunya, you handled yourself very well earlier on.

Put it right out of your head. Honestly, probably the worst she will do is maybe glare at you, if you see her again.
Go and have a nice afternoon with the kids, and forget it even happened.

It seems like you dealt with it very calmly. I agree with a pp who suggested that she might she reacted the way that she did because o embarrassment.

Definitely don't go to her house that is likely to just cause more conflict and I doubt anything constructive will come from this. I don't think there is reason to contact the police at this stage but save the picture and make a short written/typed record detailing what happened including the date. This just means that if the situation escalates which hopefully it won't you have some kind of timeline of events.

Forget about her and enjoy the rest of the day with your dc