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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really shaken, need your thoughts on clash with neighbour.

217 replies

Lalunya85 · 14/07/2017 12:28

Walking home with the kids, one in the buddy and 3yo on a bike. We're crossing a road which is difficult and dangerous to cross at the best of times. It's residential but lots of parked cars and really difficult to see if a car is turning into the street etc.

A car was parked on the double yellow lines, blocking the dropped curb. A woman was unpacking the boot of her car and taking stuff into her house that was just next to the parked car.

I approached her and said very calmly and quietly (there were other people nearby and I didn't want her to feel attacked). I said in those exact words: "hi excuse me, I know it's really difficult around here with parking, but I just wanted to let you know it's really dangerous trying to cross with my kids when you are blocking the dropped curb"

She went from 0 to 100. She said all sorts of things like "stop interfering", "have you got a job? I run two businesses!", "do you have postnatal depression, get a life!" and "stop harassing me."

I replied very calmly, especially since my kids were nearby. I said "I'm not harassing you, I just wanted to make you aware this is dangerous. Why are you insulting me?"

It went on like this for a while. Then she said, shut up and fuck off. So I said, and I regret this: "in that case I'm going to take a picture of your car", and did exactly that. She then walked up really close, said she would take my phone, I thought for a moment she was going to hit me. It was awful. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

She then took a picture with her phone of me and my kids standing on the pavement.

I then walked off eventually. We live only a few doors Dow, around the corner. I don't know this woman but clearly we are almost neighbours.

I'm still shaking. My instinct was to go back to her house, and tell it it hadn't been my intention to start a fight, and clearly she couldn't hear what I was trying to say. I would tell her that I have deleted the picture (I haven't yet) and would ask her to do the same. I didn't go over there because I wouldn't want to take the kids and dh isn't home.

I hate conflict.

What do I do now?? The fact that she lives so close scares me.

OP posts:
ddssdd · 14/07/2017 20:52

PS, just read my thread back and it sounded harsh. It wasn't meant to.

kali110 · 14/07/2017 21:39

Op you did nothing wrong.
Apparently you can't confront people and also suffer with anxiety!
You must be lying clearly!( you're not but some posters clearly can't think that sometimes people say something, regret it and then worry and worry).
normally someone parks over a dropped curb and mumnet wanr blood, but today have decided to simply go at you instead Hmm
Keep the photo.
I'd be inclined to fine what her 'businesses' are.
Any trouble, i'd stick the photo and a couple of comments of the abuse everywhere possible!

kali110 · 14/07/2017 21:41

yellowgymball
Support? Maybe because clearly the op is worried about this? Clearly
She is rather anxious?
It is rather obvious from her posts.

YellowLawn · 14/07/2017 21:43

so we should just let people be arses inconsiderate and never challenge shit behaviour?

kali110 · 14/07/2017 21:47

The op hasnt been inconsiderate, the neighbour parking over the dropped kerb has!

YellowLawn · 14/07/2017 21:48

exactly

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 14/07/2017 21:55

Look OP. If she had been behaving reasonably then she wouldn't have reacted the way that she did. Sure, you could have walked away but you rightly called her on it. I bet she is sitting at home right now feeling bad for ranting at you. It was in no way deserved.

The PCSO (police community support officer) will be very interested. It's their job. I called them about persistent bullying of my son in a local park...it was sorted.

Bunnyfuller · 14/07/2017 22:24

Wasn't she unloading shopping? Outside her own dropped kerb, by her house? If it's already dangerous there go another way round!

kali110 · 14/07/2017 23:26

YellowLawn sorry, wrong yellow Smile

BadLad · 15/07/2017 01:09

I am loving the idea of the hurt feelings database. It would need a vast vast amount of memory to cope with all the MN'ers ringing up to complain that someone breathed near their children or had their dog off lead in a public park

Imagine the job of maintaining this database. The absolute opposite of a zero-hours contract.

ShootingStar123 · 15/07/2017 01:21

Just forget about it. What can she possibly do with the photo of you and your children - most likely she will delete it in time, when nothing transpires from this incident.

She probably had a seriously bad day, was stressed and harried, and over-reacted when you confronted her about her parking.

ShootingStar123 · 15/07/2017 01:22

I am loving the idea of the hurt feelings database. It would need a vast vast amount of memory to cope with all the MN'ers ringing up to complain that someone breathed near their children or had their dog off lead in a public park

LOL

VelvetSpoon · 15/07/2017 01:38

I don't understand why this woman's car made it so horrendously impossible for the OP to cross the road? Surely you just cross at another point?

However if it really was, for some mysterious reason, the ONLY place they could cross, wouldn't it have been better to speak calmly to the lady, along the I'm sorry it's quite difficult to cross with your car parked here, are you going to be long?

To which the response would either be rude, in which case walk away and find somewhere else to cross. Or she may well have said yes I'll just be 2 mins sorry

Obviously in reality this wasn't the only place to cross though because the OP did manage to get home without lady moving her car...

cherish123 · 15/07/2017 01:39

She sounds mental but why did you need to speak to her? Why is crossing at a parked car at a lowered kerb any different from crossing at a normal kerb. You were being a bit of a busy body.

elevenclips · 15/07/2017 11:19

If a person is raging angry and stressed, its best to get away from the situation op. Otherwise you risk inflaming things further.

lolalola19 · 15/07/2017 17:29

You should just keep yourself to yourself as it isn't really any of your business.

Marymoosmum14 · 15/07/2017 17:30

Its actually illegal to park on a drop curb.

Borodin · 15/07/2017 17:36

You're a star! I wish I could take quick photographs like that, but I'd be searching for the app and then rediscovering what to press to take a photograph!

It sounds like you were crossing your own road and were close to home? If the dropped kerb belonged to your neighbour—so she was blocking her own drive—then to you it's as if it were an ordinary raised kerb.

I haven't read the full thread, but I wonder whether you think she was really out of order apart from being angry and unsympathetic?

I wouldn't fault you at all. It may take a few days for you to forget it, but it will come soon enough.

InfiniteSheldon · 15/07/2017 17:44

I think you were right to call her on her poor parking, she shouldn't block a dropped curb they are there for the convenience and safety of the less baked and it's not a 'minor inconvenience' to be unable to use them even if it's for a few minutes. Personally I'd report her on 101 for the parking AND for the abuse you received. If everyone challenged poor parking it would vastly improve life for the visually challenged, for wheelchair users and for those of us pushing buggies.

Jessikita · 15/07/2017 17:44

The woman was probably already flustered and desperately tried to find parking near her house to unload her stuff and frustrated at the situation. It sounds like she was just unloading and then was probably going to move.

If you're a busy person and just trying to get something done (I'm not saying she was correct for blocking kerb) then it would be highly annoying for someone to come along and be sanctimonious when you perceive that person "just gets to float around all day"

BoffinMum · 15/07/2017 17:49

You could knit a voodoo doll in her image and stick a pin or two in her unloading arm.

Or you could, like, forget about it and best time, instead of being a school prefect, taking pictures of naughty people, help them unload n that.

BoffinMum · 15/07/2017 17:49

Next time

mimiholls · 15/07/2017 17:53

You're allowed to stop on a dropped kerb and/or double yellow for loading and unloading for a short period of time if there are no loading bays. She sounds aggressive and unhinged but there is no reason to be calling the police for sure.

Offendedofsurrey · 15/07/2017 17:57

For those commenting that 101 is over the top, it is an offence to use abusive or threatening behaviour under the public order act. Nobody should be made to feel threatened - that's what the police are there for.

jenni04 · 15/07/2017 17:57

We r encouraged to take pictures of dangerous parking around school (usually by other parents at drop off 😬) as its a massive issue here. They get shamed in school newsletter and shared with the community police team.

FWIW there's a big difference between taking a picture of a parked car and taking pictures of children without their parents consent