Really shaken, need your thoughts on clash with neighbour.

[Lalunya85]

Walking home with the kids, one in the buddy and 3yo on a bike. We're crossing a road which is difficult and dangerous to cross at the best of times. It's residential but lots of parked cars and really difficult to see if a car is turning into the street etc.

A car was parked on the double yellow lines, blocking the dropped curb. A woman was unpacking the boot of her car and taking stuff into her house that was just next to the parked car.

I approached her and said very calmly and quietly (there were other people nearby and I didn't want her to feel attacked). I said in those exact words: "hi excuse me, I know it's really difficult around here with parking, but I just wanted to let you know it's really dangerous trying to cross with my kids when you are blocking the dropped curb"

She went from 0 to 100. She said all sorts of things like "stop interfering", "have you got a job? I run two businesses!", "do you have postnatal depression, get a life!" and "stop harassing me."

I replied very calmly, especially since my kids were nearby. I said "I'm not harassing you, I just wanted to make you aware this is dangerous. Why are you insulting me?"

It went on like this for a while. Then she said, shut up and fuck off. So I said, and I regret this: "in that case I'm going to take a picture of your car", and did exactly that. She then walked up really close, said she would take my phone, I thought for a moment she was going to hit me. It was awful. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

She then took a picture with her phone of me and my kids standing on the pavement.

I then walked off eventually. We live only a few doors Dow, around the corner. I don't know this woman but clearly we are almost neighbours.

I'm still shaking. My instinct was to go back to her house, and tell it it hadn't been my intention to start a fight, and clearly she couldn't hear what I was trying to say. I would tell her that I have deleted the picture (I haven't yet) and would ask her to do the same. I didn't go over there because I wouldn't want to take the kids and dh isn't home.

I hate conflict.

What do I do now?? The fact that she lives so close scares me.

Sheldon totally agree!

I was hoping to make her aware of something she might not be aware of.

She doesn't have a drive by the way, the only available parking is on the street, but obviously not over the double yellow lines.

It really is dangerous to park that way, especially in an area where lots of kids are crossing.

It also want school pick up or drop off time by the way, and there was another empty parking slot 20 metres up the road.

It's not so much her parking that got to me in the end, it's the abusive behaviour. I stayed calm and collected at the time but was really shaken afterwards.

I'm with Sheldonsspot it's not like she'd parked and left, she was just unloading her car. Legally wrong because of the situation but a minor inconvenience to you.

The way she responded was wrong but you lingered because you wanted to make her see she was in the wrong and escalated the situation by taking a photo of her car . I don't thinking you don't like conflict, you thrive on it.

Seriously, just ignore her. She's probably not losing any sleep over it!

As a wheelchair user, I spend half my time outside pointing out dropped curbs to idiots. Most of them totally overreact, just like your neighbour. I think it's a healthy dose of guilt from knowing you are right to complain. They can't handle being told they are wrong, even though they know damn well they are!

Everyone who can't see the problem? Spend a day in my shoes chair, and learn some empathy for people who aren't as perfect as you.

I'm still shaking. My instinct was to go back to her house, and tell it it hadn't been my intention to start a fight, and clearly she couldn't hear what I was trying to say

Fuck, no. Don't do that!

Especially don't tell her she "clearly couldn't hear what you were trying to say."

I'd expect to get socked for that alone.

Sounds like you speaking to her was either the last straw at a stressful time or she reacted out of embarssment of knowing she was wrong.

Do you know for sure that she lives in the house, maybe she was just visiting.

This sort of parking is a regular feature of the photos on my local facebook groups, literally every day someone posts a photo of someone else's bad parking. I think it has some merit in highlighting the issue and often reaches the person who is the culprit. I live in quite a small community I know this wouldn't happen in a large town or city.

Ok that sounds like I'm spending my life waiting for someone to park on a dropped curb 🤣.

I meant "whilst I'm out, I have to spend half the time pointing out dropped curbs"

Thanks for all the responses, including the ones that say I was in the wrong. It's good to get a balanced view. I'm learning for the future.

I think a pp is pro ably right actually, it's not that I hate conflict. I don't mind confronting people when I think they are endangering others. But I am very sensitive to being shouted at. I don't think those two things contradict each other.

Freddy and others, 101 isn't staffed by police officers! Nobody's burglary investigation would be delayed by a report of anti-social behaviour. Highly unlikely any police officer would be dispatched but that isn't the point. The point is just to get the incident logged, if OP is worried about further trouble.

don't mind confronting people when I think they are endangering others. But I am very sensitive to being shouted at. I don't think those two things contradict each other

Ahh they kind of do when you are approaching strangers and have no idea what their reaction is going to be

This was a verbal assault in public. There will be laws to cover it- disturbing the peace, perhaps
No it wasn't, and it wouldn't fall under breach of the peace either

She was also parked illegally and dangerously and she threatened to steal your phone
Also not a crime

what else does she have to do to make you see she needs reporting?
Actually commit an offence?

Can't believe posters who say ignore
They have a better grasp of the law than you.

She needs a visit from PC Plod and a bit of a stern talking to
And when she tells "PC Plod" to fuck off and slams the door, then what? Because there's no powers to deal with this as there's no crime.

I thought that dropped kerbs in front of driveways were for the benefit of the property owners to get their cars in and out.

Something similar happpened to me recently when the whole family was woken up at 7.30 on a Saturday morning by a woman arriving for work at the local store, music absolutely blaring from her car. She sat in the car for ten minutes while she got ready. I went out in my dressing gown to ask her, nicely, to turn it off. She'd disturbed the whole street - my neighbour 10 doors down was woken up. Lady in the car went nuts. "Get away from my car. Who the XXXX do you think you are. You've got a massive problem, lady" and on and on like that. It really shook me. I went back into my house and she came and stood outside for another ten minutes as if to intimidate me.

But it was really her problem, I realised. Some people find it really difficult to just say "oh yeah, sorry". I did complain to the store (national supermarket chain) who were mortified and said that she is troubled. No excuse but it was a little insight into her life.

I think we probably all need to chill out a little bit. Just put it behind you if you can.

I don't mind confronting people when I think they are endangering others. But I am very sensitive to being shouted at. I don't think those two things contradict each other

I think they do. How often do you confront others and when does it not lead to them shouting at you?

Also what else did you say to her because there are clearly several lines of your dialogue missing in your OP. You gave about 5 responses to your one supposed line, that's not very believable.

Don't apologise to her and stick the photo on the 'You park like a c*nt' page on fb 🤣🤣

Freddy and others, 101 isn't staffed by police officers! Nobody's burglary investigation would be delayed by a report of anti-social behaviour. Highly unlikely any police officer would be dispatched but that isn't the point. The point is just to get the incident logged, if OP is worried about further trouble

No shit! I'm well aware of who staffs the lines. But guess what? They're busy too. Stuff like this isn't just "logged" or do you think there's a special hurt feelings database, where police record arguments between grown adults in case it "escalates?"

I think OP is creeped out that this aggressive neighbour took a photo of her kids. Wouldn't you be?

I guess I wanted to show her (or maybe the kids) that u wasn't going to be intimidates by her shouting

It is also important to teach out our children to recognise when it is time to walk away.

She shouldn't have parked there or shouted, but you do sound like a busy body. Why would you even whip your phone out and start taking photos?!

(While it is wrong to do) I don't understand how someone parking on a dropped curb inconvenienced you so much you needed to make such a fuss 

You can manoeuvre the the buggy up and down a regular curb and take the 3 year old off the bike for a moment. You would have to do that anyway if you wanted to cross where there wasn't a dropped curb. Obviously different for a wheelchair user but that wasn't the problem here.

It sounds like you just wanted to have a moan because that road irritates you and it bit you on the arse when she didn't bow down and apologise to a stranger.

Just forget about it and move on, and maybe think twice before confronting strangers about minor things and taking photos of them.

The police really don't need to be involved in a heated exchange of words between two people.

Also what else did you say to her because there are clearly several lines of your dialogue missing in your OP. You gave about 5 responses to your one supposed line, that's not very believable

Although Mary that is exactly what happened in my story. I didn't even say anything in words that she could have heard - I said "could you turn the volume down" and mimed turning it down as she was inside the car. Her immediate response was shouting and "what's your problem. You're a XXXX" etc. I actually was too shocked to say anything.

I think some people are really on a hair trigger. But I agree that the best thing is to feel sad about it and forget about it.

You thought you could patronise her, manage her behaviour like a little kid, and tell her what to do. But no - she's already massively stressed, and you got more than you bargained for. That's all. Wise up OP, she's not going to to do anything to you.

And to those saying call the police, don't be ridiculous. Some people on MN seem to think the police are there to kind of be their mum!

And "PC Plod" is offensive.

Hopefully she's at home now feeling like a complete idiot and worrying that you're going to take things further.

Okay, we can all get a bit defensive when challenged about something, even when we know we're in the wrong. But a quick "yeah, yeah, keep your hair on. I'm just about to move it" while rude, would have been kind of understandable.

But her reaction was way OTT and she probably now realises that and is mortified (and won't park her car like that again).

Why did the PND comment make you angry? Do you think she was saying that clearly you must have PND to have approached her or telling you that she has PND? I think she was having a really shit day and is possibly living on the edge of her nerves.

Saying that, there is no excuse for her behaviour. I am sorry she was so rude and left you shaken. You don't have to stand your ground if someone is rude to you... walking away would be completely acceptable.

Take a few deep breaths, give your babies a hug and enjoy the rest of your day. xx

Sorry I can't keep up replying to everything.

It's a dropped curb so people can get from the road onto the pavement. There are no driveways in our area. If you block the dropped curb it means wheelchair users, people with young kids, or people with disabilities will be put in danger because they have no way of crossing the road safely. There is a reason why there are double yellow lines.

This isn't a minor inconvenience! It's not like someone jumped the queue in a supermarket.