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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really shaken, need your thoughts on clash with neighbour.

217 replies

Lalunya85 · 14/07/2017 12:28

Walking home with the kids, one in the buddy and 3yo on a bike. We're crossing a road which is difficult and dangerous to cross at the best of times. It's residential but lots of parked cars and really difficult to see if a car is turning into the street etc.

A car was parked on the double yellow lines, blocking the dropped curb. A woman was unpacking the boot of her car and taking stuff into her house that was just next to the parked car.

I approached her and said very calmly and quietly (there were other people nearby and I didn't want her to feel attacked). I said in those exact words: "hi excuse me, I know it's really difficult around here with parking, but I just wanted to let you know it's really dangerous trying to cross with my kids when you are blocking the dropped curb"

She went from 0 to 100. She said all sorts of things like "stop interfering", "have you got a job? I run two businesses!", "do you have postnatal depression, get a life!" and "stop harassing me."

I replied very calmly, especially since my kids were nearby. I said "I'm not harassing you, I just wanted to make you aware this is dangerous. Why are you insulting me?"

It went on like this for a while. Then she said, shut up and fuck off. So I said, and I regret this: "in that case I'm going to take a picture of your car", and did exactly that. She then walked up really close, said she would take my phone, I thought for a moment she was going to hit me. It was awful. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.

She then took a picture with her phone of me and my kids standing on the pavement.

I then walked off eventually. We live only a few doors Dow, around the corner. I don't know this woman but clearly we are almost neighbours.

I'm still shaking. My instinct was to go back to her house, and tell it it hadn't been my intention to start a fight, and clearly she couldn't hear what I was trying to say. I would tell her that I have deleted the picture (I haven't yet) and would ask her to do the same. I didn't go over there because I wouldn't want to take the kids and dh isn't home.

I hate conflict.

What do I do now?? The fact that she lives so close scares me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalunya85 · 14/07/2017 13:40

I think the conclusion I'm reaching is that I will do nothing. I'll keep the picture just in case. I'll try to just relax about it all. It's hard to do. She seemed weird and unpredictable and now she has a picture of my kids.

In future, I will continue saying something when I think people are endangering others. But if they start shouting at me, I'll just leave. That was my mistake I think.

OP posts:
Skarossinkplunger · 14/07/2017 13:41

She has a picture of your kids and you have a picture of her car. What can either of you do with these?

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 14/07/2017 13:42

skaross thanks, I guess you're right. It's just an irrational fear...

OP posts:
marymarytoocontrary · 14/07/2017 13:43

She seemed weird and unpredictable and now she has a picture of my kids so what? where is the threat in that?

GabsAlot · 14/07/2017 13:48

so coz she lives near a school where peopl park everywhere she shold do the same

bollocks to that

ask the council to send out wardens to your area soon stop her

SheSparkles · 14/07/2017 13:48

I think if you're not afraid to confront someone then you have to be prepared for a reaction like this-it's human nature to be defensive when confronted, especially if you know you're in the wrong.

Please don't call 101 for shit like this, as the poor bugger who has to dispatch cops, an incident like this on my screen leads to the reaction "what the fuck? Wish I had your problems" before I bin it.
Calling 101 to "log" something it worth nothing-all it does is proved you called 101 with your version of what happens-it means diddly squat legally

Jenna43 · 14/07/2017 13:50

And "PC Plod" is offensive

Is it? To who?

Butteredparsnip1ps · 14/07/2017 13:53

I rang 101 this morning to report an actual crime. It took 25 minutes and this thread offers a little insight into why I was hanging on for so long...

OP, I'm sorry you were shouted at and there are no excuses for the Woman's behaviour. But She was unloading her car and from what you have said may have struggled to park anywhere else. It doesn't make it right, but most drivers have been in a situation where they have to park in the least worst spot available for a short time, and wouldn't be best pleased to be "told off".

Did you consider what alternatives she may have had, before you offered her helpful advice?

user1489675144 · 14/07/2017 13:58

Have a chat to the neighbourhood PCSO if you are worried she might do something - at least it is noted then.

PollyPerky · 14/07/2017 13:59

You a PC Freddy You seem pretty sure of yourself here.

She threatened to steal the phone.
She shouted in the street and abused someone.
She was parked illegally.

You are splitting hairs.

If it was a MAN doing this to a women, MN would be out in force, wanting him hung.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/07/2017 13:59

I was hoping to make her aware of something she might not be aware of

Really?.

What makes you think she was 'unaware' she shouldn't park there? It is a minor inconvenience when she's stopped there for 2 minutes to unload the car. Living in an area like that takes some give & take. You were being really patronising & irritating.

As for her having a photo of your kids, so what? What do you actually suppose she's going to do with it.

People saying to call the police?! Jesus wept. You don't think they have more important things to do?

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 14:00

Can you just explain how this was a minor inconvenience to you?

Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she was stressed, maybe she had something heavy that she couldn't lug up the road and stopped there for a min to unload. Maybe if a wheelchair user had been there she would have moved without asking. Or maybe she is just an arsehole I don't see why it was such an inconvience to you with a buggy and a 3yo and actually I would have been more irritated by a queue jumper!

I think if you like confronting people so much you should maybe become a police officer or something where you actually have some authority and not just a busy body having a go at adults like they're children.

Btw I didn't think you were being that unreasonable originally but now I think it's quite clear the situation didn't happen exactly as you described

PollyPerky · 14/07/2017 14:00

Do you have a community police officer? We do. They'd deal with stuff like this.

I'd pop into your local police station and ask or find out online.

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 14:01

wasnt that should say!

Summerswallow · 14/07/2017 14:02

If you are going to go around advising everyone you see about dropped kerbs, then you will experience this again. You don't say 'would you mind moving your car, I can't cross with the kids' you gave her a lecture. If you carry on lecturing people, especially when they are quickly unloading a boot (sounds like she wasn't parking there for long) then they will give you a mouthful. The kind of people who park where they shouldn't are usually people who give a bit less of a shit about being polite anyway. Ditto people who drop litter, cigarette butts on the ground, and so on. You are technically in the right in these situations, but if you spent all day going round telling people they are in the wrong and photographing them, you will cause yourself a lot of
stress, which is what has happened. I'd save it for occasions where you can genuinely ask them to move as you need to get to that exact spot and really can't in any way get round, I've found most people actually are quite co-operative in that type of situation or haven't realised the consequences of their quick dash into the house.

BasinHaircut · 14/07/2017 14:02

gabs i don't think that just because others park like twats near schools that she should be able to, but my point is that I do not see what the OP thought she would achieve with this confrontation other than to receive a mouthful. On a street that is probably plagued with parking issues, one woman doing a sporadic drop off is hardly worth the effort.

And yes I do think that the OP is responsible for the confrontation because as I say the other woman knew exactly what she was doing and the OP just used it as an opportunity to patronise her and speak to her like a child. And it backfired.

YellowLawn · 14/07/2017 14:04

a lot of victim blaming going on here...

URaflutteringcunt · 14/07/2017 14:05

I'd never have challenged her tbh. It sort of set her tone so that she probably fet you'd be up for some verbal volleying. Plus who doesn't know they shouldn't park on double yellows. I'd rather take the picture in secret (if it was a habit) and report anonymously.

BasinHaircut · 14/07/2017 14:07

Insulting to actual victims of things yellow.

She had a go at someone and they had a go back. Op was in a more vulnerable position because she was with her kids but IMO she started it.

dailydance · 14/07/2017 14:08

Everything that Annie said.

Biscuit

Is this a reverse? I find the OPs reaction totally over the top.

Noodoodle · 14/07/2017 14:10

Personally I wouldn't have bothered saying anything because if she's driving, she KNIWS she shouldn't park there and doesn't care.

But I'd send the photo to the council parling enforcement team. I quite often report people parking on the bloody pavement next to where I work, completely on it for some bizarre reason, not half parking on the road.

Branleuse · 14/07/2017 14:10

She completely overreacted but why on earth did you confront her when she was only unloading her shopping? I have street parking, and if I can't get a space near my house, I just pull up on the nearest double yellows and unload quickly, then I move my car to a better spot as soon as possible. I don't really have any other reasonable choice. I'd be completely bemused if someone confronted me for it when it was clear I was unloading and would only be there temporarily. She was at a dropped kerb, so it's not like she was actually going to park up there. You really should have minded your own business, although she did lose the plot a bit

greendale17 · 14/07/2017 14:14

OP don't go and apologise. Your neighbour sounds unhinged to react like that

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/07/2017 14:16

Honestly, don't give it another thought OP - she's clearly an arse, but she's definitely not going to come after you and your children.

Most importantly, DO NOT go around to her house. That would be odd and embarrassing for all concerned.

tootiredtobeinspired · 14/07/2017 14:20

Some people are just massive idiots unfortunately. An absolute tool took a photo of me on the train on monday because I politely asked him to move his feet from my seat!
He went on a huge rant about what a clown I was and that he didnt need people like me in the mornings and then took my photo and told me he was putting me on social media! I just sat there flabbergasted at his reaction to a polite request. I concluded he was a twat and left it at that Grin. Must be awful to go through life so angry all of the time.

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