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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds has forgotten its own clothes day at school and is there in his uniform. Am I unreasonable not to take some clothes in for him to change into

215 replies

hmcAsWas · 14/07/2017 09:03

I should point out we live rurally some 17 miles from school and it is a 1 hour round trip.

I have already driven him and his sister in this morning - he didn't realise until we got to the school gates and he saw his mates. I reminded him about it yesterday but he'd forgotten by this morning, and it wasn't on my radar as I had already told him.

He is in Y8. There are a couple of other boys that I spotted that had forgotten. They looked as forlorn as him. He is bound to be the subject of 'banter' from his peers, and I know that he will hate this (he can be oversensitive)

I don't feel that I should not have to waste another hour of my morning driving in and also that he should own his mistakes...but I also feel guilty for not driving in Sad

OP posts:
DirtyChaiLatte · 14/07/2017 10:45

and it wasn't on my radar as I had already told him.

What do you mean by that exactly? It sounds like you didn't remind him this morning on purpose and if that's the case then it's pretty mean of you.

BrieAndChilli · 14/07/2017 10:49

I would have done it BUT my response is coloured by the fact that my mum used to make me wear uniform on mufti days as a punishment to whatever small thing I had done wrong that week. Pure power trip for her, I used to have to sneak clothes to school or get friends to take something in for me and change in the loos as soon as I got there.

DS 1 is in primary school and hates dressing up and would prefer to wear uniform, I try and get him to dress up saying he will be the only one in uniform but he doesn't care!

WindwardCircle · 14/07/2017 10:49

I think PE kit on sports day is a different thing. Presumably without PE a child can't participate in sports day, so in that instance I would take it in, in the same way I would if a vital piece on homework got left at home. Not having your non uniform clothes isn't going to change the course of the day once everyone has already seen you come in wearing uniform though.

StarryCorpulentCunt · 14/07/2017 10:57

God no! An hour? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. He is 12, his clothes, his problem. He isn't walking round in his underwear. If he had had an accident or something then yeah if course but for non uniform day? No way. Imagine the caning he'll get from his mates when mummy brings his clothes in. Better to just to own it and style it out.

ClarkeyCat · 14/07/2017 10:58

Sports Day is a bit different from non-uniform day!

And by not on her radar presumably she means she had mentally "ticked it off" the to do list in her head and moved on (to the other five million things she probably has to do).

honeylulu · 14/07/2017 11:00

Depends on the situation. If it's an easy favour yes but it sounds like a right pain. In my case I'd have had to get to work so just not possible.
Also depends on child. My eldest, though I love him dearly is hapless and entitled in equal measure. He would forget stuff all over the place and it was always someone else's fault for not reminding him. If we helped him sort it out we'd get no thanks unless prompted. (I don't think this was an upbringing issue as our other child is totally the opposite.)
By the time he was at secondary school we got a lot stricter about him being responsible for his own stuff. He lost his door key the first week of school. I rushed around leaving work early next day getting him a replacement. A few weeks later he lost another one. I refused to sort it out until the weekend. This meant that he had to stay at school (there is an optional prep zone until 6.30) until one of us was gone from work. A year and a half later, he hasn't lost another key. For him he just had to learn from the consequences of his mistakes.

GeorgiePeachie · 14/07/2017 11:03

He'll get over it.

GeorgiePeachie · 14/07/2017 11:04

Plus won't he be teased even more if mummy comes to rescue him half way through the day?

flowersonthepiano · 14/07/2017 11:04

I agree with posters saying it would be a double embarrasment for a child that age if you turn up and this is incredibly close to home for me as I just took clothes into school for my Y3 son who had the same problem. This first I heard about it was this morning when we arrived at school - there was a letter in his bag from yesterday (yesterday!) about the no uniform day today - and when we got there he remembered his teacher had reminded them yesterday. I hadn't checked his bag though because I was a bit stressed out about a deadline last night (self employed, work from home). He looked mortified - poor chap - I made him go in though and went home for some clothes for him, but it is a half hour round trip. It's not the first time, I'm ashamed to say, we're a bit crap about this sort of thing as a family Blush. Hope both our sons are not scarred for life OP!

Original poster
hmcAsWas · 14/07/2017 11:07

Okay, I am going to annoy some of you. I took his clothes in – it was the comment about children remembering kindnesses that did it. It’s not a 90 minute trip, it’s an hour round trip (still too far). I left just after 9.30 and got there just after 10 in time for morning break. The school receptionist pointed to two other bags which parents had brought in – so I wasn’t the only weak sap!

For those who asked – dd attends a different school in the same town so she was in school uniform this morning.
I take on board the comments that it might be worse for him to change at morning break and he could be teased about mum running around after him, but I don’t think that’s all that likely. The boys in his class (it’s an all boys school) will only tease in a friendly, matey way….it’s the older boys that ds would encounter at break time and lunch time who was rip the piss in quite a savage manner, so if he changes his clothes he will be under their radar. Anyway its his call – the clothes are on Reception, I’ve texted him to tell him so (he said thank you very effusively) and he can take it from there.
Rest assured, when he gets home I will be impressing upon his that if he ever forgets again in future then tough – I absolutely will not be doing this a second time.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 14/07/2017 11:09

Good on you, op.

Figaro2017 · 14/07/2017 11:10

I trust you'll leverage this to get him cleaning his room and doing the washing up all weekend!!!

Original poster
hmcAsWas · 14/07/2017 11:13

Good plan Figaro - there is silver lining!

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 14/07/2017 11:19

My son forgot when he was in year seven. He'd not told me. If he'd have called at 8 I'd have taken clothes in. He had the piss taken out of him, meanly. My youngest is just finishing year seven and I've no idea if they are having a non puniform day.

dazedandconfused12 · 14/07/2017 11:20

No, he wont forget next time.

Can I ask how is the return trip for you every day?

We are also rural and contemplating a 1 hour round trip to Primary School. (20 miles each way..)

Many thanks for your advice

Roomba · 14/07/2017 11:20

I did this just last week, OP - but my DS2 is 4 and in reception. His little face when we arrived and he saw everyone else in their own clothes... Sad

I felt so awful so I offered to bring clothes in for him in half an hour or so. That stopped him crying at least. His teacher overheard us and said 'Oh, don't worry! You can choose something from the dressing up box instead - that's much more fun!'. DS was super happy then as he got to dress up and no one else did Smile. DS1 (11) wasn't fussed at all but he's very confident and can laugh stuff off, luckily.

Then, get this - I did it again yesterday but the other way round! I'd read a newsletter which mentioned a non uniform day as it was the school fair after school, then I overheard his teacher saying 'It's non uniform' [something something] to another parent, so my brain added two and two and made 87 and I thought it was non uniform yesterday. It wasn't! I must be losing it, honestly Blush. DS wasn't bothered at all though and his teacher just laughed. DS1 was rather more embarrassed and went and changed into his PE kit instead of having to wear his bright orange t-shirt and jeans all day.

I don't think YWBU taking clothes in, as long as it wasn't a massive inconvenience. Otherwise, in Y8 I'm pretty sure your DSS could laugh it off and deal with it for one day = there's always a couple at least who forget! If your DS isn't a confident person though or may be teased or bullied about it then you did the right thing.

RhubardGin · 14/07/2017 11:24

It's too far.

By the time you get clothes to him he will already have been in school for an hour and it won't be a big deal by then.

Although I'm a bit confused that you reminded him last night and somehow completely forgot this morning even when you saw him in his school uniform?

RhubardGin · 14/07/2017 11:26

Sorry OP just saw your update.

Smile
Roomba · 14/07/2017 11:27

I used to have to sneak clothes to school or get friends to take something in for me and change in the loos as soon as I got there

That's so sad that you were punished like that. Cruel. I also used to take clothes in my bag and get changed in the loos as my parents point blank refused to let me wear jeans and a t-shirt for school (non uniform for most schools in Sheffield back in the 90s). This was because the official school rules said No Jeans. However, every single pupil in that school wore jeans every single day, it may as well have been the uniform! My mum made me wear a 'nice blouse' and skirt and I was bullied mercilessly for it in the first couple of weeks. So I started changing in the loos and life became much better. I did this for four years! It was only when my parents noticed that even the teachers sometimes wore jeans that they relented, with much disapproval and sniffiness.

dazedandconfused12 · 14/07/2017 11:31

No he will be fine.

OP can I ask how is the 1 hour round trip? we are looking at a rural primary which is 20 miles away (half an hour each way). We would need to do the trip twice a day for atleast 3 years. Is this manageable? We have 2 DCs - age 7 and age 4.

Many thanks.

EdmundCleverClogs · 14/07/2017 11:34

Good for you op. I can see from both sides, but I think you did the right thing on this occasion. He better be bloody wonderful to you this weekend, I'd have my 'breakfast in bed' menu all set out for when he gets home Wink.

GhostsToMonsoon · 14/07/2017 11:34

My parents would never have taken stuff in for me at school as they were both working full time some distance away. If his school was 10 minutes walk away I'd say take them in, but you're too far away - maybe it will teach him to take more responsibility next time.

DodgyGround · 14/07/2017 11:34

Ah I'm glad you did. I was going to say do what he wanted, and you've given him a choice. He will always remember that you did that for him.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 14/07/2017 11:36

I think it's lovely you took the clothes in Smile. It's definitely the sort of thing you remember your parents doing (mind would never have done this). If he's generally a decent sort who doesn't constantly forget things, why not make his day that bit more pleasant?

vikingprincess81 · 14/07/2017 11:36

It sounds like you've avoided the older boys ripping the piss out of him at break/lunch, and for that, he'll be grateful. It can be enough to bring your day down if you're getting shit about what you're wearing at school.

Now, the real question is this - can you get breakfast in bed out of him both Sat and Sun in return?? I think you can....