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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds has forgotten its own clothes day at school and is there in his uniform. Am I unreasonable not to take some clothes in for him to change into

215 replies

hmcAsWas · 14/07/2017 09:03

I should point out we live rurally some 17 miles from school and it is a 1 hour round trip.

I have already driven him and his sister in this morning - he didn't realise until we got to the school gates and he saw his mates. I reminded him about it yesterday but he'd forgotten by this morning, and it wasn't on my radar as I had already told him.

He is in Y8. There are a couple of other boys that I spotted that had forgotten. They looked as forlorn as him. He is bound to be the subject of 'banter' from his peers, and I know that he will hate this (he can be oversensitive)

I don't feel that I should not have to waste another hour of my morning driving in and also that he should own his mistakes...but I also feel guilty for not driving in Sad

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 14/07/2017 09:45

I am a big believer in kindness. I am not even close to being a hard arse parent but I'm not going to do three school trips that far away when my child has already spent time in lessons with his uniform on.

You do learn from your mistakes all the time. I find people don't tend to forget things which are really important to them anyway.

Ekphrasis · 14/07/2017 09:45

If there was any way to ask ds if he wanted me to bring clothes in I would (obv at the time of drop off is best!) - if he can access emails or a phone, if at least offer. Y8 are funny - my peers wouldn't have taken the Mick either for forgetting or for mum bringing, but my younger sister's peers would have done.

dippypanda · 14/07/2017 09:45

Agree with Madburn

Plus he's in yr 8, yes still a child but old enough at 13 to take some responsibility.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/07/2017 09:48

I'd go. I wouldn't need to be asked. I'd have asked him in the car what he wanted bringing and arranged a place to meet him at break.

LML83 · 14/07/2017 09:48

I wouldn't bother. As other's said the worst bit is done. Changing part way through the day will draw more attention to himself.

LTBiscuit · 14/07/2017 09:49

Personally, is have gone and got his clothes and dropped them in to him. Instead of wasting that hour wondering what other mumsnetters would do.

ilovesushi · 14/07/2017 09:50

Leave it. Other kids will have forgotten too. It clearly wasn't a huge deal to him if he forgot. More embarrassing to have your mum turn up with a change of clothes for you.

lalalalyra · 14/07/2017 09:50

Did he not notice that his sister wasn't in uniform? And she notice that he was?

DixieNormas · 14/07/2017 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wonderflonium · 14/07/2017 09:50

Plus, with any luck, all his friends will be coming up with ways of sharing out their clothes/raiding the PE kit to get him out of uniform. Even children in my form that I didn't get along with tried their best to un-uniform me when I forgot.

SandyDenny · 14/07/2017 09:51

Is your DD at the same school, or at any school, was she in non uniform?

On balance I probably wouldn't go because of the distance and the logistics of getting the clothes to your son.

At my DCs schools the office staff understandably don't look for a child to hand over forgotten stuff the child has to go and collect it and tbh if your son forgot about wearing the clothes is he going to remember to go and get them. I assume it's the end of term today, they might still be there on the first day of next term

Sallystyle · 14/07/2017 09:51

He'd remember the kindness shown, and learn to be kind in return.

My kids are very kind because I am kind and it's just in their nature.

I might not bail them out of these little situations but I would be kind about it when they return.

I have learned a lot from my mistakes because the consequences were shit. I am glad my mum was always kind to me when I had messed up but you don't have to sort the problem out for them to be kind.

kmc1111 · 14/07/2017 09:53

In Y8 it would be exponentially more embarassing to have your mummy come running back to school with a change of clothes.

user1497455653 · 14/07/2017 09:53

I'm actually torn! My eldest is just shy of 9 so I'm not at that teenage years yet, but I would in an instant do it now - however I'm currently working evenings so not rushing off to work, and I live a few minutes from the school.

I guess it depends on the child. Would your son really appreciate the hardship of travelling 90mins for him!?

I think the child's gratefulness and understanding of how much of a chore it would be would be the deciding factor.

I don't mind going out my way for someone if I know they appreciate the act.

Floggingmolly · 14/07/2017 09:53

Would it not have been even kinder to save you from the shit consequences?

Chewbecca · 14/07/2017 09:58

I wouldn't because the journey is too long and it'll be too late by the time you get back anyway, he's already gone in and had registration etc in his own clothes.

RiverTam · 14/07/2017 09:58

I had parents that were like so many on MN, they wouldn't have dreamt of doing this. They were all about learning from your mistakes and not bring kind.

I grew upto be unkind and dismissive of other's concerns. I had to teach myself as an adult not to think 'too bad you didn't bring a brolly, you knew rain was forecast, I'm not going out of my way to pick you up'.

If you can, I'd go with being kind any day of the week. The thing that would stop me, in this instance, is that it could make your DS even more self-conscious.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/07/2017 09:59

I strongly suspect that if my DP had been left to deal with the consequences of his shockingly bad memory as a child then he'd have a better memory and more skill at remembering things or taking steps to remember things than he does now.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/07/2017 10:00

I'd have hated my children to sit in school all day feeling like shit when I could have easily alleviated that.

I did drive to the school, a similar distance, on maybe half a dozen times over the time both my children were at secondary school. There wasn't a cat in hells chance I was going to sit at home thinking "tough shit mate, you can learn from feeling like horrible over the consequences!"

I went more times because they were needed for an impromptu sports match or training after school and they needed PE kit.

SweetLuck · 14/07/2017 10:01

I despair that anyone believes that people don't learn from their mistakes. Mistakes are the main thing that people learn from.

And yes, being kind is good. But do people learn from it? Not so much I recon.

NullaG · 14/07/2017 10:02

I've taken forgotten pe kit, homework, cookery stuff before now. (Have yr8 ds). But I only live 5 mins away.
I wouldn't take clothes in - I think it would be even more embarrassing and try hard. At primary yes but not secondary. He'll have to make do with the pleasure of taking his blazer and tie off and untucking his shirt. It's not that big a deal.

velocitykate · 14/07/2017 10:02

A few weeks into my dd starting Year 7, she phoned me from school in tears because she had forgotten her clarinet and knew she would get into trouble for not having it. We live about 200 yards from the school, so it was no trouble to drop it over.

When I gave it to the Receptionist, she looked over the top of her glasses at me and asked me how I expected her to learn if I kept bailing her out all the time (this was the first time she had forgotten anything)!

The next time she forgot something, I didn't take it over (mainly because I was scared of the receptionist!). She's never forgotten anything since, except her lunch, but she has a bit of emergency money on her cashless catering account to buy lunch if that happens

MrsBakedBean · 14/07/2017 10:03

No. Don't take his clothes in. Not even worth thinking about.

SleepFreeZone · 14/07/2017 10:04

It's not about bloody kindness it's about teaching independence and resilience! You can express kindness in a thousand ways. Rushing home and then clogging up the roads all over again to pass over a different set of clothes to your snowflake is just silly. Its notvas though he rocked up at school naked. He has a set of perfectly good clothes with him, shoes on his feet, marvellous - he's good to go.

milkysmum · 14/07/2017 10:04

Surley its more embarrassing at his age to have your mum bring clothes in mid morning! Do not take any in it will make it worse!